I don't know what to do. — The Bump
Special Needs

I don't know what to do.

I pretty much gave up working back in November when DDs issues came to light. I devoted all of my time and energy to her, and she's made great progress. Unfortunately it's taken a big toll on my own health/well being. I'm not responding to any of the antidepressant meds I've been on, or anti anxiety meds either. My mental health is deteriorating and I've put on about 30lbs. I leave the house to work 1 or 2 days a month. My husband is supportive but he doesn't know what else to do either.

I'm afraid that not only is this no longer good for me but its really not serving DD any longer. It was great in the beginning when I was very devoted to working with her, and still took her on outings daily but anymore I'm hermiting myself away and can barely force myself to function. She won't be eligible for preschool through the state until January and she's not potty trained so I'm not sure if daycare is a good choice or even a choice at all. All I know is I'm slipping away, my depression is worsening, and my daughter has lost all benefits of my presence. What options do I have?

Re: I don't know what to do.

  • The way your post reads it seems like there may be a correlation between your cutting back on work and what seems to be your current sense of having lost yourself and depression.

    If I'm correct in interpreting it that way, is there a way you could return to more regular work and enlist the help of a caretaker to cover some of the time with your daughter?  One option we're considering right now is an au pair.  It's actually not much more expensive than our daycare.

    Alternatively, what about hiring a college student?  Especially if you could find someone studying in an appropriate field (OT, special ed, etc.)

    Also, is there any chance some of your current depression is your form of grieving?  We're still in the midst of coming to understand what's truly going on with our son, but I know I have frequent bouts of sadness/depression when it comes to my struggle to reconcile the disparity between by dreams for my son and our daily reality right now. 

    Are you doing any sort of counseling beyond what is required to adjust your medication?  What about any local support groups or time with supportive friends?

    Just trying to throw some ideas out there.  (Apologies if I've gone too much into problem-solving mode if you were looking for empathy.)

     

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  • I meant to also mention that there's plenty of daycares out there who will accept a child who isn't yet potty trained.  That is also an option for you.
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  • I am feeling similar- but I do work.  I have guilt that is accompanying me going back to work, and not being there for my DD.  I am about to quit, in order to stay home with my kids (my DH got transferred and promoted), so I will be where you are.  However, I am getting set up now with a counselor for my depression and severe anxiety issues.  I am not sure if I have advice about returning to work (but, it does give me a break during the days when I am super busy, and can't have time to worry about my kids, which happens at all down times for me), but if you would like to talk- personal message me.  I can talk about work and these feelings, if it would help you.
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