"natural" consequences ?

ladybugpjb

Talk to me about "natural consequences" --

If you discipline through natural consequences, what do you do if LO doesn't follow directions/obey?

The particular situation for us is that DS refused to pick up his toys last night, and I really needed him to do so. (Toys were piled up in his doorway, DD was fussy, DH wasn't home, and I needed to get DS to bed.) We've been having more trouble getting him to pick up recently, but it's not as big of a deal if DH is home.

So...do you have a natural consequence for not following directions, particularly not cleaning up? He left some cars out last week, so I put them away so he couldn't play with them, but he didn't even notice they were missing (which is what I figured would happen).

I don't expect things to be perfectly cleaned up, but these toys were right in the doorway and needed to be moved. We clean these particular toys up every night as part of the bedtime routine because he always plays with them right in his doorway.

MrsCase1

I got nothin'. But, I would like to see other people's responses. 

My nerves have been shot at the end of every day dealing with the Terrible Two's. Mommy needs a nap. I literally spend an hour every day contemplating how people survive to have a second, third, etc. child.  

ladybugpjb

Crash Into Me:

Is he usually pretty good about following directions? I know with DD sometimes she surprises me and other times it's a lost cause. Sometimes I can say it's time to pick up and she does, sometimes I have to say take this block, put it in your basket. Sometimes I help her. I'll pick it up hand it to her and point her to the basket or even hold the basket for her.

Is he being defiant about it? Send him to timeout? IDK, really.

DS is the same -- sometimes (like tonight) he listens pretty well and he will clean up. Other times he needs me to hand him individual toys, and other times he needs help. And then there are the nights where he just won't -- I wouldn't say he's defiant, but he goes and "hides" in his favorite hiding corner and seems to think it's fun/funny not to do whatever it is I'm asking (ususally clean up or come get dressed). He definitely knows what I am asking him to do and is choosing to do something else. If I'm on my own, I don't have the patience to play his little game because his bedtime coincides with DD's fussy time and she'll start screaming. I just haven't worked out the logistics of that yet.

ladybugpjb

LalaMama81:

Crash Into Me:

Is he usually pretty good about following directions? I know with DD sometimes she surprises me and other times it's a lost cause. Sometimes I can say it's time to pick up and she does, sometimes I have to say take this block, put it in your basket. Sometimes I help her. I'll pick it up hand it to her and point her to the basket or even hold the basket for her.

This. If it something I really need her to clean up - like she threw blueberries on the floor - I force the issue and will physically help her do it.

Honestly, with toys after a day of playing I don't make them clean them all up, especially alone. It's really overwhelming for them. I will give them a specific thing to clean up or have them do it if it's just one toy (like blocks) but when it's all different things jumbled up, I don't even try w/ DD2. Taking toys away probably won't work until closer to 3, at least for my kids.  

This is one particular group of toys (his cars) that end up right in his doorway, so they need to get cleaned up. I'll overlook cleaning up toys that are not blocking the path of where we need to walk if he's having a fussy night. But my only other choice on this particluar night would have been to kick them all out of the way...which probably would have saved all of us some frustration on that particular night.

ladybugpjb

mananana:

Natural consequences are more things that would happen to them anyway: you break a toy, it's gone.  You don't eat, then you're hungry.  

I don't always hold DS accountable for cleaning up.  We use logical consequences fairly often: We pick up our 'inside toys' before we get to go outside.  You don't help pick up, you don't go outside.  

Sometimes DS is goofy and will do a non-preferred task if he gets to show someone how it's done (baby/stuffed animal/Fisher-price little people/etc.). 

We also use the 'when/then' approach: When you pick up your toys, you get to call Nana/vacuum/whatever the desired activity is...though this might not fit at bedtime.  Unless he likes to brush his teeth, have a bedtime snack or something...

I wouldn't be able to push cleanup at bedtime, because DS is usually SO tired.  If it's usually a fluid part of your routine though, that's a little different.  If I had a fussy baby and was on my own and it was an issue I didn't want to let slide, I think I'd probably just move them all quick or pick them up and put them somewhere where they'd be visible but not accessible the next day.  Then when DS asked for them we could talk about how we have to clean them up.  Can he clean them up right when he's done with them instead of before bed?  

This is probably what I'm going to start trying -- clean up these toys before dinner. The bad nights usually happen when he takes too long to eat and dinner flows straight into bedtime routine.

ladybugpjb

Mrs Case:

I got nothin'. But, I would like to see other people's responses. 

My nerves have been shot at the end of every day dealing with the Terrible Two's. Mommy needs a nap. I literally spend an hour every day contemplating how people survive to have a second, third, etc. child.  

Glad I'm not the only one! It's definitely more stressful with two.

JaysonandKristin

The natural consequence for this doesn't hit until closer to four (at least in our household).  Hank keeps asking, "Mom, where is my X?" 

If he hasn't cleaned his toys up or put away his shoes, he has difficulty finding them and he REALLY hates being delayed from playing with friends because he's searching for a particular toy or can't find the shoes he wants.  

So, he's finally starting to get this "pick up, so you can find it with ease" natural consequence.

 

With Otis we're working on cleaning up by helping to clean him.  I assign him the trains, and I clean the rest.  He cleans up all the toys that belong in his blue box, and I clean the rest.  

In our house, if it has to be cleaned up (like the cars in the doorway), then the baby gets set up by itself, and the boys help clean up.  If baby cries, so be it for the time it takes to clean up a traffic hazard like that.  I know by now you've stepped on a rogue race car in the MOTN.  NOT pleasant!!  

BnchaNums

I don't think my dd is ready for consequences for not cleaning up. She gets distracted and is not being defiant, so I ignore it.  Also, dd's dr once reminded me that if they're too hungry or two tired that you're to blame for their behavior, not them. It's just an uphill battle.

melissa0726

We don't really have toy cleanup as part of our night time routine, only because it distracts DD from getting ready for bed.  Similar to what you described - sometimes she helps clean, sometimes she runs and hides and wants me to chase her (which just gets her excited and more awake), and the rest of the time it just gets her re-interested in toys that she wasn't playing with in the first place.

If I have toys that I really want her to pick up that are in the way - i.e. Duplo Legos, a big mess of play food - I make her clean up before moving on to a new activity.  I guess that would be her "consequence".  Like PP said, if she wants to play outside, she has to clean up a Lego mess first, or at least help me.  Otherwise we don't go out. 

Other than brushing teeth, I try to avoid battles at bed time, so I work on things like cleaning up throughout the day.   In your situation, I would have probably kicked them out of the way and saved cleanup for the morning.