What would you do? — The Bump
Special Needs

What would you do?

I am at a loss of what to do about a very sticky situation. My husbands coworker has a son ('Jake') who stims and waves his hands when he is excited/anxious/nervous. He rarely makes eye contact, can't get along with other children and does not talk about anything but trains. My son is the same age as him.

Here is my worry. I worked as a family therapist for children with special needs and it seems to be he is on the spectrum. My son and "Jake' will be attending preschool together in the Fall and at the open house the teacher noticed 'Jake' stimming and asked his mom about it. She brushed it off as something he only does when he plays with trains. I feel bad for her because I think she is in denial and is not very willing to get services or help for him. Is there anything I can do? I am hoping the teacher says something to her and prompt her to seek services, but I am not sure if she will. It breaks my heart because I know that early intervention is so important. Thanks everyone.

Re: What would you do?

  • Unfortunately you need to keep you mouth shut. They have to know there is something off with their kid. I mean, you noticed right?

    The parents may be very aware of their child's dx, but since it was addressed with an audience she chose to answer in that way. Perhaps she noticed your ears perk up and decided that she didn't want to lay all her cards on the table. She wants you and your child to see the wonderful boy beyond the label and the flapping.

    The school will pick it up. I wouldn't worry.

    WAY 2 Cool 4 School


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  • image-auntie-:

    What Assembly Required said. It's entirely possible the mother knows his dx or is working toward obtaining one and is not in a place where she wants to share with the general public. It was unprofessional of the teacher to ask about this publicly; I would seriously side-eye a teacher who pulled such a stunt as well as the school who employed her.

    It's difficult to watch, but it's not your place to say something unless asked as a mom friend or professional. I would assume the school and his PCP would be the safety net to identify him if needed.

    Does Jake have any actual delays or does he just stim when anxious? My son didn't get a dx until he was nearly 7; he didn't get any EI services. In fact, I'd say the most meaningful interventions he got were the CBT, CSIT and Social Thinking that are appropriate for older kids. 

     

    He has delays. I overheard her talking to a random person that her MIL suggested therapy for 'Jake' and she said she was outraged. I know he is not receiving services. The teacher asked her just in front of me and knows we are friends. It breaks my heart since I know he would really benefit from services, but it is not my place to say it, it seems.
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  • imageAssembly_Reqd:

    Unfortunately you need to keep you mouth shut. They have to know there is something off with their kid. I mean, you noticed right?

    The parents may be very aware of their child's dx, but since it was addressed with an audience she chose to answer in that way. Perhaps she noticed your ears perk up and decided that she didn't want to lay all her cards on the table. She wants you and your child to see the wonderful boy beyond the label and the flapping.

    The school will pick it up. I wouldn't worry.

    I do, I just know he could be even more wonderful with specialized services.
  • imageLovelymama22:
    image-auntie-:

    What Assembly Required said. It's entirely possible the mother knows his dx or is working toward obtaining one and is not in a place where she wants to share with the general public. It was unprofessional of the teacher to ask about this publicly; I would seriously side-eye a teacher who pulled such a stunt as well as the school who employed her.

    It's difficult to watch, but it's not your place to say something unless asked as a mom friend or professional. I would assume the school and his PCP would be the safety net to identify him if needed.

    Does Jake have any actual delays or does he just stim when anxious? My son didn't get a dx until he was nearly 7; he didn't get any EI services. In fact, I'd say the most meaningful interventions he got were the CBT, CSIT and Social Thinking that are appropriate for older kids. 

     

    He has delays. I overheard her talking to a random person that her MIL suggested therapy for 'Jake' and she said she was outraged. I know he is not receiving services. The teacher asked her just in front of me and knows we are friends. It breaks my heart since I know he would really benefit from services, but it is not my place to say it, it seems.

    Yeah, if she was outraged when a family member made the suggestion, who I assume has more contact with him than you do, there is really no point in saying anything.

    If she asks you what you think, well, that's another story. Even then you will have to go with the "it can't hurt" line, or "why not since services are free", yada, yada...

    I think she'll get there. She won't be able to hide from it once she sees her son in the context of other typical children, their interactions with friends and any behavior issues that may happen in class.

    I had a nice rude awakening the other day at the library...(see post below about Play skills) Even when you know your child will have issues and is more prone to getting an ASD dx, it takes time to get there.

    WAY 2 Cool 4 School


    image
  • imageAssembly_Reqd:
    imageLovelymama22:
    image-auntie-:

    What Assembly Required said. It's entirely possible the mother knows his dx or is working toward obtaining one and is not in a place where she wants to share with the general public. It was unprofessional of the teacher to ask about this publicly; I would seriously side-eye a teacher who pulled such a stunt as well as the school who employed her.

    It's difficult to watch, but it's not your place to say something unless asked as a mom friend or professional. I would assume the school and his PCP would be the safety net to identify him if needed.

    Does Jake have any actual delays or does he just stim when anxious? My son didn't get a dx until he was nearly 7; he didn't get any EI services. In fact, I'd say the most meaningful interventions he got were the CBT, CSIT and Social Thinking that are appropriate for older kids. 

     

    He has delays. I overheard her talking to a random person that her MIL suggested therapy for 'Jake' and she said she was outraged. I know he is not receiving services. The teacher asked her just in front of me and knows we are friends. It breaks my heart since I know he would really benefit from services, but it is not my place to say it, it seems.

    Yeah, if she was outraged when a family member made the suggestion, who I assume has more contact with him than you do, there is really no point in saying anything.

    If she asks you what you think, well, that's another story. Even then you will have to go with the "it can't hurt" line, or "why not since services are free", yada, yada...

    I think she'll get there. She won't be able to hide from it once she sees her son in the context of other typical children, their interactions with friends and any behavior issues that may happen in class.

    I had a nice rude awakening the other day at the library...(see post below about Play skills) Even when you know your child will have issues and is more prone to getting an ASD dx, it takes time to get there.

    Thanks so much, I appreciate the advice. I just wish I could do more to help since that was my previous job and she is a friend and I care a lot about her and her son. 

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