when to pursue more

mccall0113

I am becoming more concerned by the week.  BD continues to show favoritism over one of our 2 children. DS  11 has Aspergers and bipolar. BD sees them eAch one eve a week separately and 7 hours together Saturdays.  DS has been calling to come home early regularly which is allowed. BD takes DD8 to parks, mall and has met his GF.  He buys daughter bathing suit and small toys. Nothing for DS.  BD does not have a place suitable for overnights.(even though I gave him $70k in divorce settlement)    DD is coming home from visits saying that BD says she can live with him. Both kids noticing the favoritism. BD WON'T answer texts or email about my concerns. refuses to speak to me in person. I don't know how this could be considered co-parenting. My next text will be asking him to participate in mediation. DS's therapist won't see us all together a as she can't remain neutral.  Is there anything else I could be doing?  I have a feeling May be asking for custody for DD only. I won't tolerate that.  Advice please on how to protect my kids

MrsHetzel

I'm sorry you're going through this.  As for BD getting custody of just DD, you can easily fight that and I can almost guarantee no judge will separate the children for any reason.  Just food for thought though so you don't drive yourself crazy, while it may be painfully obvious he's playing favorites, and you want to go into Mama Bear protective mode, you have to remind yourself that you can't control his actions or feelings.  You can't ask a judge to put a clause in the court order that says BD has to treat both kids exactly the same.  Sure you could monitor it monetarily, but I think you'll just drive yourself crazy.  He's clearly not a super great parent but it's not up to you to change how he feels or acts.  It will only make you angrier when you should be the positive force for both of your kids!  Good luck.

CurlieWhirlie

MrsHetzel:

I'm sorry you're going through this.  As for BD getting custody of just DD, you can easily fight that and I can almost guarantee no judge will separate the children for any reason.  Just food for thought though so you don't drive yourself crazy, while it may be painfully obvious he's playing favorites, and you want to go into Mama Bear protective mode, you have to remind yourself that you can't control his actions or feelings.  You can't ask a judge to put a clause in the court order that says BD has to treat both kids exactly the same.  Sure you could monitor it monetarily, but I think you'll just drive yourself crazy.  He's clearly not a super great parent but it's not up to you to change how he feels or acts.  It will only make you angrier when you should be the positive force for both of your kids!  Good luck.

This is a great response. It's such a good reminder for us all that we can't change anyone else's behavior or feelings.