Need to vent-- bday party for DS1

smiling76

So DS1 obviously has his sn class but is also in daycare.  We invited the kids from both for his b-day party which is this weekend at a wonderful "kids" place.  In years past we always had a handful of daycare kids--like maybe 10 or so show--and this year only ONE has RSVPd, despite me even sending a reminder to all the parents this week.  At least there are a few from his SN class that are attending.  I just feel so bad that after all the b-day parties WE attend for the daycare kids, that they aren't coming to his.  And especially since he has some pretty good pals in there. 

I guess as a SN mom you just want these little things to be BIG for them since they go through so much in their lives for normalcy--know what I mean?  Just so bummed.

 

dani211

Hey- I totally understand but l have some advice for you (based on what I've observed as a teacher of adolescent kids) I actually feel very strongly about this.

You see, I had this mom of a high school girl who would come to school and cry hysterically because her daughter was being excluded by other girls.

My heart went out to her, but I had to be like, "Hey, your daughter is awesome. Kids can sometimes suck. Let's just be strong for her, teach her to enjoy her life and find friends who will stand beside her, and let's move on and focus on what's good in her life right now." And guess what? It was a rough month, but, the next month, the girl had a whole new set of best friends, the formerly "mean girls" were being nice again, and everything was great!

Don't "take on" your kids' relationships and social dynamics with other children.

Now, I understand if there is some kind of major bullying issue going on. Sure. By all means, then intervene. But sometimes kids need the space to experience the full range of emotions that go along with having friendships. And, unfortunately, that can sometimes mean rejection and conflict.

 Kids have to learn that, although relationships with peers will be "up and down" they can handle it, they are strong and awesome, and their moms will be cool and stand beside them no matter what.

Now, if YOU seem sad and disappointed when his social events don't work out the way you want, he will blame himself and feel like even more of an outsider, and the whole thing will become a vicious cycle.

So you go to that birthday party, you celebrate him, and you teach him to enjoy the friends who showed up for him. Who needs the ones who don't?  

Assembly_Reqd

Try no to be bummed about it.

It may have nothing to do with your DS and everything to do with other people's summer schedules. 

bumpuser511563

I use to think this way as to why DS was not invited to classmates' birthday parties. I knew somewhat that parties were happening. DS was a biter at daycare.

DS got invited to one birthday party over this past Memorial Day weekend. DS and I went and I watched DS have a blast! He was even holding hands with the birthday boy in the bounce house! DS was the only one that showed from their preschool class.

So I am sure your DS will have fun at his own party with a classmate! Concentrate on making it the best for your DS!

Rdmaggie

I automatically attribute every slight to DDs issues but the truth is plenty of NT kids get slighted too. My sil and I have had this conversation numerous times, she takes her boys to everyone's parties and no one comes to theirs... However 2 of her three are born within days of Christmas, much like DD 2 days before and I think it has a lot to do with that. No matter what the reason, it is annoying.