He's gone...

eg214

So...I did it.

Today we had our 1st real appointment and ultrasound. We saw baby happily moving about, baby measuring a week further than I thought, HB @ 138, and all was well. I already know because of his PTSD, he can't handle paperwork and "abnormal" financial stresses. I let the midwives know I would be the only one signing PPW and barely missed that argument. Then it comes time to pay, all is well, and then they tell us after our cards are ran that they can't take card for the deposit (no insurance so paying out of pocket) and they also don't take AmEx. This sends him into a tizzy. Thank GOD he didn't get nasty with anyone there, but I was hoping and praying he would just be a man, realize he would just have to make do and find an alternative payment method, and move on. 

Wrong.

The whole way home and most of the time we were at home it was an ordeal. All of a sudden now we were not doing the early pay discount of $500 because he wanted to pay with cards (the only way they allow cards is if you pay full $4,500, no discount). I tell him he can pay with cash or check, it's not a big deal and he just starts arguing. I tell him I am not going to pay extra money just because he is mandating he use credit cards. He needs to get cash or a check, get it worked out and pay his portion. (we're splitting cost 50/50) If he wants to pay with cards, he will need to pay the full $500 deposit, not pass it onto me. On and on around in circles. I take a nap, thinking he will calm down. He doesn't and he sticks to the fact he won't pay the $500 up front. So I let him know that is not an option and he will not be staying with me, moving in, and will not be part of this pregnancy because I'm not going to continue to argue and stress over something so ridiculous. I ask him to leave and he tells me he won't unless the cops are called. So, I call the cops, he packs his things, "can't believe you're doing this," and left to go back to Florida.

I had to immediately go to work, so no time to dwell on it. I have an immense sense of "peace" with him not in my space. I was exhausted of caring for a 28 year old man child. I have no idea how this will all work, but I'm taking it day by day and praying God has a plan.

I've applied for a MedLoan to cover all the costs of care since I can't get help with those until after the baby is born and there is a paternity test, court mess, all of that wonderful stuff. Afterwards, he can be ordered to reimburse me for his share.

I can't believe I'm here, but I don't know what I expected. I knew better. It is what it is. Like one of you told me before...I need to care for myself AND the baby. Period.

Now, my head is rushing with thoughts of "Do I put his name on the birth cert?" "Do I give the baby his last name?"  "What if I don't? Will it affect my child as he/she grows up?" I know I can't answer those now but it still is running through.

Ugh... 

Runaway22

Congrats on your newfound freedom

babymama619

Wow!! I'm so proud of you! Enjoy your sense if freedom, and in a few days if you need support to stay strong come here!!

If he isn't living with you maybe you can apply for Medicaid. Look into it.

As far as the bigger questions about birth cert and last babes, those questions can wait. All of us have reasons we chose to do or not do something and I'm sure well share if you want. I'm listing on the birth cert. after paternity is established but baby will have my last name. You have lots of time to make these choices, and there is no right or wrong answer.

And finally, CONGRATS on the healthy little bean! The first ultrasound is so amazing...actually they all are! Treat yourself and that baby well!

eg214

Thanks girls This is SO HARD but I don't have a choice really for the better of the baby and I.

I still won't qualify for any government assistance as I make "too much" per their standards. I have no idea how someone is supposed to live in DC with a child with what I make and not get assistance, but I'll find a way I guess. I just need to start praying everyday he doesn't run from paternity/child support when the time comes. Baby will be on his insurance when born (I guess?) and if not, maybe then the baby will qualify for medicaid? I have to figure that all out in time. My next plan is to talk to an attorney friend who can advise me on all this now so I don't have to wonder or worry later.

My mom was less than thrilled which I knew would be the case. She is concerned (rightfully so) for my safety bc of his past behavior. She cannot offer anything but emotional support (which I knew and didn't ask). I have NO IDEA how I will tell my dad as we are the closest and he is the one who helped me leave him previously. He will be extremely upset. It's really hard knowing you have support from your family, but you don't REALLY have support from them.

Anyway, thanks for listening ladies. I am exhausted. Just mentally and physically drained. I treated myself to my first bath while PG (too scared before to do it)  and am going to pass out. I have a sucky morning at work tomorrow that I'm not looking forward to and probably planning on telling my boss tomorrow as well since I will be a wreck.

Hugs.