Did you really "just know?"

WndrlstJosephine

First and foremost, hello!  I'm a newbie, and I'm already feeling like the kid who transferred schools mid-semester and doesn't understand the cool kid slang...what does DH mean?  HELP.

Secondly, I want some honest feedback here.  I am 29 years old, have been married for two years, my husband and I both have good jobs, own a home, etc, etc, etc.  For a while now we've been toying with the idea of taking the baby plunge.  However, every time we get close to the "we will start trying now" date, I freak out.  I have been known to freak out at big decisions, so that's not surprising, but what bothers me is the concept that freaking out means I "don't want it enough."  

So my question is, did you really "just know" when you were ready to have a baby?  Or did you still have some fears and hesitations, but the costs outweighed the benefits?  It is so cliche to say things like "I always wanted a baby" or "I was bit by the bug and I couldn't NOT have a baby," which is all fine and great if it's true.  But I've gotta think some people out there started TTC with some anxiety, simply because babies/children are a HUGE responsibility and having them means your life will never be the same.  Or am I wrong?  Does everyone get to a point where a baby light bulb turns on, and all the scary stuff just melts away?  

Would love to know your thoughts.  

Twinkie0612

DH = Dear or Darling Husband

there is a bump board glossary on the left near the bottom (or at least until the format changes).

I always knew I wanted kids, but it was usually in the "someday down the road category."  Before DH and I got married, we talked about kids.  We decided that we would wait a year after getting married before TTC.  When that time rolled around, I didn't feel ready, we were remodeling our entire house and I was worried that if we got pregnant right away (Ha!) it would be too much finishing our remodels and preparing for a baby.  We focused on finishing some of our projects and in a few months I felt like the timing was better.  Unfortunately for us it is taking a little longer than we expected.  We have been TTC for 2 years and after 4 failed IUIs are doing our first IVF cycle in August.  Even with dealing with infertility, I don't regret waiting at all.

i think it's completely normal to have some fears and anxiety about TTC/having a baby, it's a big change.  At some point though your desire to have kids will outweigh your fears and anxiety.  

SantoriniSteph

Yes and no.  We knew we wanted kids and the time kinda felt right.   From the logistical side of things, we own our home, have good jobs, want the same things in life, and have lots of family support. 

Throughout the pregnancy everyone kept asking me if I was ready... no I don't think there is a way to completely feel ready for this.  At least not for me.  The first time I held my son, I knew I was ready.  I'm now going through it again thinking about a second child.  I'm just going to have to jump and figure it out on the way.

iverske9

I always knew I wanted kids but like you at 29 it was definitely a scary process to actually go through. We had our degrees, house, careers, and had traveled, etc and been together for 7 years and married 3 so I knew we were ready. I will still tell you that when the stick turned pregnant it was still scary as hell.

It is a huge decision but I can tell you that it is amazing to be a parent and it sounds like you have a good strong marriage, and the financial side covered.

As my mother side said (She and my dad had four daughters) there is never a good time to have kids but it is always the best time.

WndrlstJosephine

Thank you all for your honesty!!  You have no idea how helpful that is.  I think some people are afraid to admit they were scared taking the baby plunge, because of what that "means" about their ability to parent.  However, I just think it means you recognize what a huge responsibility you're taking on.  Thanks so much for your feedback.  I really appreciate it.

greeneyed_bride

I'm late to this party, but...

I was SO ready to have a baby by the time we started trying. I couldn't wait! My best friend, on the other hand, was nervous and reluctant. But her husband had been ready for a while, and she knew she wanted kids "someday," so she just kind of bit the bullet and went for it even though she was scared.

We both had babies (four months apart), and when her son was 6 months old, she already couldn't wait to have another one! When my son was six months old, I thought there was a pretty good chance that I might NEVER want another one. Now we're both planning to try for baby number 2 this year. It's a huge decision, and not feeling 100% ready is totally normal.