Being a surrogate for family?

joschmo717

Looking for advice on being a surrogate for my sister-in-law (my husband's sister). They have been trying to conceive for about 4+ years. They have done AI many times, and did IVF with no results in Jan. They have more frozen eggs still in waiting. I am 29, just had my first child in March naturally. I want more children, but not for a few years.  

I am interested in insurance information. Does my insurance cover the pregnancy?

How many eggs do you try? What is the chances of it working with frozen (rather than fresh eggs? How quickly could we get the process started? I work at a high school, looking to deliver next summer (not sure if the timeline could go quickly). 

I have fears of not being able to conceive afterwards myself. As well as reactions to meds I will have to take before/during the pregnancy. 

 

 

 

 

Mama-Bear

I am interested in insurance information. Does my insurance cover the pregnancy?
Unless there's a surrogacy exclusion, your insurance would cover the pg but not the IF/transfer/meds.  You don't want to give anyone your insurance info until you are pg and start your regular maternity appointments, your IP's would be paying for everything until that point.

How many eggs do you try?
We transferred 2 good embies (1 AA, 1 AB) and 1 stuck around. 

What is the chances of it working with frozen (rather than fresh eggs)?
I don't know what the success rate is of frozen vs. fresh.  They will generally use the best embies available for the fresh cycle and then freeze any "left overs".  With a frozen cycle, you also don't know if the embies will survive the thaw.

How quickly could we get the process started? I work at a high school, looking to deliver next summer (not sure if the timeline could go quickly).
The fastest I would think would be a transfer in September, but I think even that's pushing it.  You need to go to your OB and get medical clearance for the RE (and you'll have to be up to date with your pap).  Your OB will have to forward your medical records to your RE, RE reviews and then decides if you could be a candidate.  If your records look good you'll go to their RE and they'll run a bunch of tests, go over the cycle with you and approve you.  You'll have to get a lawyer (as will they, they pay for your lawyer but you each need to have YOUR OWN LAWYER, DON'T SKIMP ON THIS).  Contracts will be written covering every scenario, make appropriate changes, then you'll sign and be ready to start cycling.  I think between starting meds and transfer for me was about 3w.  It's not a quick process, I think you'd be better off planning for October or maybe November which would give you a July/August EDD.

I have fears of not being able to conceive afterwards myself. As well as reactions to meds I will have to take before/during the pregnancy.
The meds IMO weren't too terrible.  The PIO (progesterone in oil - progesterone since your body won't have the corpus luteum producing it) has a very scary needle, it really didn't hurt as much as I expected (most of them didn't hurt at all) but I had to take them daily until 12w.  The rest of the meds were nothing in comparison to that (both in inconvenience or duration).  As far as being afraid of not being able to carry your own again, there's always a chance with every pg that it could be your last.  You should (IMO) never help someone else grow their family until you're finished growing your own.  Besides how bad you would feel about it, they could feel a huge amount of guilt knowing that you carrying their baby is the reason you can't have another. 


In addition to above, do you know that they're unable to get pg because of a uterine issue?  Have they ever mentioned surrogacy as something they were considering?  Are you sure they/you would be comfortable with the closeness (what if God forbid something happened during the pg and you miscarried, of course it would be nobody's fault but would there be tension)?  Do you even know if they can afford surrogacy?  There are so many costs aside from compensation (which I know many people don't charge for friends or family members) such as medical costs to get your pg, medical costs once you are pg, legal fees, expenses during the pg.  Surrogacy should cost the carrier nothing, so any cost you would incur because of the pregnancy would be their responsibility - what if you ended up on BR and they had to pay weeks or months of childcare and housekeeping?

I think it's great that you want to help out your family, but you need to think of worst case scenario and decide if you can live with those outcomes.  I in no way am trying to talk you in or out of it, but the fact that you want more children in the future is a huge deal for me personally, will you be ok with only having 1 child or do you feel like your family will be incomplete without more?  Good luck with your decision, hopefully your SIL and her DH have better luck in the future and she'll be able to carry herself, I think it's great  that you would even consider carrying for another couple.

joschmo717

Thank you both so much for this great feedback, this is just what I was looking for. More things to think about and answers to some of my general questions. 

It is a huge thing, she has said in the past she may be interested in surrogacy. She was going to ask a co-worker who was done having children (which I thought was odd). I didn't think they would do IVF because of the cost, than they did. She said they would be ok not having children. But then went onto do IVF which is obviously very expensive and involved. I was so happy and very optimistic this would work for them, but so far nothing. Not sure what the issue is right now; some docs say PCOS, she has Rheumatoid Arthritis, she is very slight (maybe 110lbs), she has tried acupuncture, metforman, clomid, diet, AI (maybe 7+times), IVF once  and other times they could not do the transfer due to a "thin" lining.

 They did an egg retrieval in Jan. They retrieved 20+ eggs, fertilized them and had 8 embryos to freeze. They had 2 placed in Feb. with no luck. They have 4 embryos left right now. They can afford this, I know the expenses can add up quickly. She has had 2 miscarriages from natural pregnancies. One in (8 weeks) 2010 and one in (10 weeks) 2012. They have torn her apart. It has been difficult to watch, be a part of, and not be able to help. I had a lot of guilt having my son this past year. She had some resentment towards me for the first few months of pregnancy, but we have been doing better since the new year. She still has resentment towards our pregnant friends and I can literally see her cringe every time someone else announces that they're pregnant. It is difficult for me to understand what she is going through. I just want to offer what I can. 

My main concern is obviously having more kids, what you both shared makes sense. But I am 29 and my SIL is 38, my BIL is 39. Not sure how long they want to wait.

I am nervous about putting in more than 1 embryo, nervous to carry multiples; not sure how they feel about it.

Also, I am breastfeeding my son I would like to do it for 6 months (through Sept). But this would impact the timeline being that I probably have to have a cycle before anything happens. (I believe I am cycling, but no bleeding).