11 wks Cheating BD

Byppy

Two weeks ago My Pap smear came back that I have chlamydia. Clearly, my baby's father cheated on me since my last clean pap was jan 2013. I kicked him out of the house and he moved home to Maine, I live in NY, to get his together. I've lost 8lbs, feeling so depressed and embarrassed. He wants to "prove himself" and be a part of the baby's life but I'm torn. I'm thinking of giving our baby my last name instead. Has anyone ever experienced this or know anyone this has happened to? This is supposed to be a happy, fun time...and now Im bringing my mother and sister w me to the appts. I hate that I miss him and wish this could work out but can never trust him.

inthelost

I don't think you can trust him at all. He obviously didn't come clean. He didn't admit that he cheated on you. What happened when you asked him about it? Did he just say nothing and move away? I don't see how he can "prove himself" unless he comes completely clean first. 

babymama619

I agree with PP, he needs to be really honest here if he wants to work this out. If you want to, or should, depends on a lot too. You need to be honest with yourself. I think you should really consider counseling for yourself with or without him to determine where to go from here. Sorry you're going through this.

CoIvie

Agree with them.. And yeah, you should be giving the kid your last name...no thinking about it.

EarthandFire

I'm a bit late on this but I'm going to give you a bit of a different opinion. What happened between you and your boyfriend is between you and your boyfriend. It's about him as your boyfriend and not his as a father. Cheating doesn't make someone a bad father, it makes them a bad boyfriend or husband. Giving him a chance to be a father doesn't give him a ticket back into your love life or your bed. He may want that but if he's serious about being a father it's not going to be a deal breaker for him and he may have to be happy without it. I'd say his cheating is an issue you two will have to discuss separately from the baby. 

If it were me, I'd definitely give the baby your last name. You can always change it later if you both agree. As a compromise you can hyphenate it. Look at him from your child's point of view. What is best for your baby? Will he be a good dad? Will he come to soccer games, performance and birthdays? If the answer is yes, then I would give him a chance to be the father your child deserves. This isn't about you and him, it's about your child. Like it now or not, you created this life together and he can legally get visitation whether you consent or not in a court of law by proving paternity. Wouldn't it be better for the baby if you worked that out between the two of you?

rachaelT28

My husband started cheating on me when I was 12 weeks pregnant, I am now 27 he is not only a bad husband, but has become a horrible father as well because he is so wrapped up in his girlfriend and her children. I don't know what I would do in your situation, I am not sure I would let him prove anything, but I would pick my childs name and give him the last name you can live with. I hope life gets better for you.