depressed. what is your custody arrangement?

monpetitechouchou01

Went to a temporary access trial today and bd went from seeing our child from 1 1/2 hrs 3 x per week to 4 hrs and then he will get one day where he will see her for 10hrs. I'm devastated because she isn't ready yet and they don't know each other well. I also overheard his family telling him that once this happens he will be on his way to 50/50 physical and eventually she will choose to live with him if they can help it. We still have our full hearing in three months. 

 

I'm not sure how to deal with this. I hoped for a slower schedule to help them get to know each other but this seems rushed. What is your schedule? How do you cope with such long hours away from your child?  I just wish I could find a way to see the positive in all of this. 

tracy41

How old is your DD? I'm mobile so forgive me if you have a ticker.

It's hard, but you do, sadly, get used to it. Although I don't sleep well when DS1 is gone. Was there any reason they upped his visitation now?

babymama619

The good side could be that it encouraging flexibility in you child. I just read an article about that, so that could be an upside. Also eventually you might appreciate some time to yourself. Sorry this isn't going the way you'd like, hopefully it will work out to your DDs best interest.

StefB28

lurchbaby:

It's honestly becoming the norm for parents to have 50/50 if there isn't a history of abuse or drugs/alcohol.

This depends on where you live. Standard agreement here is for mothers to have physical custody with fathers having visitation every other weekend.

My state tends to believe that it's not good for children so spend their time 50/50 with both parents-- judges believe that psychologically, it's better for children to have one location that they consider their primary "home" and visit the other location.

monpetitechouchou01

Thank you everyone. My daughter is one. Her father used to visit her twice per week for about 35-40 min. Then when I filed for custody and child support he got a super lawyer who charges upward of 600 per hr. He counterfiled for 50/50,  began. requesting to see her almost 5 x per week even though his job doesn't allow for that and he finally began paying child support. He requested a custody evaluation as well. He is pulling out all the stops for 50/50 and I am told it's most likely because he doesn't want to pay his full child support obligations. He and I have very drastically different incomes. I take care of our dd alone but do work ( although decreased hours). For almost a year he tried to get me to sign for a cs amount he wanted and my lawyer told me never to do it and to wait for the custody guidelines. He works about 60-70 hrs per week and can't take care of our child 50/50 and plans on hiring someone to do it while he has her. I wish I could say he truly planned on parenting but I never saw him care for her until he hired this new lawyer. Prior to him he never cared to give her a teddy bear, take care of her needs or see her as often. Then I filed for custody and he became upset and all of suddenb he bought diapers, took an interest in her, began paying support, bought her a car seat, clothes etc. All of this he put on paper and then handed it over to the court for our big trial where he will say he supported her. 

 

 

dmndsr4eva

I think it is pretty standard for dad's to get overnights starting pretty early on.  Like 2-3 years old?  I ended up voluntarily giving BD 7 overnights a month.  Him and his girlfriend made a big fuss about it and threatened to try to take my son from me.  But in the end they didn't fight it.  I told him that because of my son's age (1.5 years old) that this offer was very generous and he decided not to fight it and take his chances with a judge.  Also partially I think because we live almost two hours apart I had some advantage too because of that.  We never saw a judge we did it all in mediation. 

It takes awhile but eventually you will appreciate having time to yourself and also you will appreciate your child having a dad who is around.  That's better than the alternative of your child feeling rejected by their father.

I really would suggest going to mediation and telling him that you are willing to work with him and maybe offer the standard every other weekend with one evening visit per week? 

I know what you mean about the child support though.  In my state if the dad has 30% or less custody than the child support is the same.  But if he gets more than 35% custody the child support is reduced.  I think my BD has around 30% custody but I know at first he really wanted to change it, but I think he got tired of fighting.  Court is so stressful, time consuming and expensive.  I think he just didn't have the means to fight anymore.