Help with H. Vent and ?

Mrs.adambabycakes

My H and I differ sometimes when it comes to parenting, which is going to happen. My main concern is safety. He asked me where the ergo was because he wanted to wear DS while he cooked food for DD. I told him that probably wasn't a good idea because its not safe. His response was to roll his eyes and give me a very sarcastic "okay." I told him it was because he could get burned among other things.
Later he tells me he wouldn't use the stove but maybe put something in the oven. SMH. He accuses me of being a worry wart and we can't live in a bubble yadda yadda. He acted the same way when I told him about puffy winter coats and car seats.
I'm bummed he doesn't take me seriously and makes me feel bad about wanting to be safe.
What do I do? I'm just over it. Sorry for the formatting, on mobile. Thanks for reading.

nanabanana06

My DH is the same way. I tell him tough ta ta's. If he doesn't do things my way then he gets nada later.

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Runaway22

Am I the only one around here who baby wears while cooking? I have to prepare food constantly, and DS doesn't tolerate not being all up on me most of the time. I'm never doing anything crazy, just heating something in a pot most of the time. I don't use the oven while wearing, though, because that's scary.

But still, I didn't realize I was going to get MOTY for that one  

TurtleTracker

Seriously are all H's like this? Mine is the same way. Basically tell him to get over it, especially the car seat safety stuff. H has come to realize I do most of the research so I'm in charge of the big decisions like extended rfing and with what car seat, etc. But what does help is the tone of voice I use with him. He is less likely to get annoyed and blow off my advise if I keep the snotty know it all tone out of my voice, ya know?

Mrs.adambabycakes

I have tried in the past to be very nice about how I talk to him about it. He always takes it as I'm overly cautious about it and he's the idiot. And if I try to tell him about references such as what the pedi and reputable websites would say, carrier companies warnings even, he just rolls his eyes and scoffs. SO irritating.

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Maebb

Runaway22:

Am I the only one around here who baby wears while cooking? I have to prepare food constantly, and DS doesn't tolerate not being all up on me most of the time. I'm never doing anything crazy, just heating something in a pot most of the time. I don't use the oven while wearing, though, because that's scary.But still, I didn't realize I was going to get MOTY for that one nbsp;

I do it in a back carry position, but you have to be very careful and aware because there are times when DS has reached around and grabbed things. Luckily it was just the refrigerator door handle and not something hot. I guess I would agree that it's better to not do it, but yeah, I sometimes have done it for "light" cooking.

ETA: OP, regardless of my opinion, if you think something is unsafe, your H should respect you enough not to do it. I think dads have a different approach, and sometimes my H does things that I would not do. I suppose they are a bit riskier, such as swinging DS up in the air. It's a balance because your H probably feels like you don't trust him when you criticize his choices and imply or explicitly say that he is being dangerous. However, he needs to respect you when you ask him not to do a certain thing for safety reasons.

LuckyDad

Oh, you're not supposed to babywear while cooking? Guess no one told my DW that...

MrsT0514

mbenit4:

I am firm on somethings. Other things I let him figure out on his own. If I try to tell him he then rolls his eyes. Then he comes and tells me what he has learned and I just sit there and look at him like I didn't know this already.

Yep, this is pretty much how things work in my household too. OP, I'd say you're definitely not alone on this one.

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LaurelBee

I wear Dd while preparing food, like measuring ingredients or mixing etc. But I probably wouldn't while using the stove...

Dh and I have veto power over each other when it comes to safety. If one parent says it's safe but the other parent disagrees, then we go with that patent. 9/10 times I'm the parent who says no

catycate

I cooked while wearing DS, but when he was a tiny newborn and not grabbing anything or just sleeping the whole time he was in there. I guess it also depends on what you are cooking. Bacon? Probably not. 

sucredee

If I didn't wear DD while cooking while she was little we would not have eaten much. I wore her in the front initially. I honestly don't see the big deal if you are not cooking something that splatters. Once she was big enough to be on my back at 7 months I switched her to the back. Unless you are frying something in oil I don't find it all that dangerous. Just use common sense. I have never had any issues wearing her while cooking. Guess I am a bad and reckless mom. 

Nechie122

Nana_Osaki06:

My DH is the same way. I tell him tough ta ta's. If he doesn't do things my way then he gets nada later.

Did you marry a 5 year old or a grown adult?

OP, I agree with the PP who said it's about respect. He shouldn't be rolling his eyes at you when you speak. Not cool. But put yourself in his shoes: he's got his arms full taking care of two kids, preparing food for one, trying to be helpful, and all he hears is someone criticizing him. I would roll my eyes too.

Talk to him about this in a calm moment, and how he makes you feel bad for wanting to be safe. But in a crazy moment, say something like: "How about I take DS? You know he's a grabber in the Ergo. Thanks for getting DD food."

That's what works for us anyway.

Mrs.adambabycakes

Nechie122:

Nana_Osaki06:

My DH is the same way. I tell him tough ta ta's. If he doesn't do things my way then he gets nada later.

Did you marry a 5 year old or a grown adult? OP, I agree with the PP who said it's about respect. He shouldn't be rolling his eyes at you when you speak. Not cool. But put yourself in his shoes: he's got his arms full taking care of two kids, preparing food for one, trying to be helpful, and all he hears is someone criticizing him. I would roll my eyes too. Talk to him about this in a calm moment, and how he makes you feel bad for wanting to be safe. But in a crazy moment, say something like: "How about I take DS? You know he's a grabber in the Ergo. Thanks for getting DD food." That's what works for us anyway.

Uh, that's not exactly what happened, but thanks. You make it sound like I was kickin' back eating some bon bon's while he ran around with his hands full.   And I didn't criticize him, I tried to tell him something he was going to do could be a safety issue.  

Mrs.adambabycakes

peanutrach1:

Also, how old is your DS? My DD is almost 7-months and there is no way Ms. Grabby McGrabbersteins would be able to keep her hands to herself while I cook. I just put her in her high chair and wheel it over close to me so she can see me and then load up her tray with a bunch of toys to keep her occupied. Maybe suggest this to your DH if your DS will sit in a high chair. I try to give suggestions rather than just saying no.

DS is only 3 months but I still feel nervous about being in a kitchen when it's hot and DH would be using knives.  The fact that I even brought up that it could be dangerous is what set him off.  Anyway, I ended up taking DS. 

Nechie122

Mrs.adambabycakes:

Nechie122:

Nana_Osaki06:

My DH is the same way. I tell him tough ta ta's. If he doesn't do things my way then he gets nada later.

Did you marry a 5 year old or a grown adult?

OP, I agree with the PP who said it's about respect. He shouldn't be rolling his eyes at you when you speak. Not cool. But put yourself in his shoes: he's got his arms full taking care of two kids, preparing food for one, trying to be helpful, and all he hears is someone criticizing him. I would roll my eyes too.

Talk to him about this in a calm moment, and how he makes you feel bad for wanting to be safe. But in a crazy moment, say something like: "How about I take DS? You know he's a grabber in the Ergo. Thanks for getting DD food."

That's what works for us anyway.

Uh, that's not exactly what happened, but thanks. You make it sound like I was kickin' back eating some bon bon's while he ran around with his hands full.   And I didn't criticize him, I tried to tell him something he was going to do could be a safety issue.  

Sorry, I didn't mean to make you defensive. I didn't say you DID criticize him; I said that's probably how he HEARD it.

In our house, I'm usually the one getting "pointers" from DH. Not necessarily about safety, but about things like discipline and how to respond/not respond to tantrums. So maybe that's where I'm coming from.