A WWYD

trish_edmon

I originally titled this the Picky Eater but I guess it has turned into a whole lot more.

As I mentioned in my intro post we have three kids in our home  DS (6), SS (5), and DD (3).  (We aren't married so I am not sure I should be referring to his child as SS?).  We just moved in together as a family a month ago and are definitely having some adjusting pains. 

My kids are great eaters, will ask for fruits and vegetables and even if they don't ask for them they will eat them.  Sometimes they put up a fight but they will eat them.  SS refuses to eat vegetables and his main diet consists of processed foods (hot dogs, kraft dinner, sausages, pierogies, McDonalds).  When he is with us we do our best to get him to eat healthy and have resorted to hiding vegetables in his food.  I refused to do this with my kids since I wanted my kids to appreciate the taste of good fresh fruit and vegetables, but we both want to get something nutritious into his body.  We have oodles of frozen squares of puree in our freezer (you'd think we had an infant in the house).  Personally I am worried about his health, he is sick all of the time and is already getting chubby.  SO and I talk about it all the time.  He attempts to bring it up with his ex but is afraid of pushing too hard because the time he pushed an issue she called the cops and took away his custody for four months and after that is was supervised visits for a few months.  He has told her that we have been using purees in his meals, and her response is that she was going to do that too.  She's a stay at home mom for gosh sakes, she only has him and up until about two months ago she lived with her parents, now she lives with her boyfriend that she started dating in March.

I get why he is afraid to push the issue with it.  Who wouldn't be afraid to do that after loosing their child because of him asking the Mom about the fact that SS wasn't potty trained or even close to being potty trained at three and a half.  It was a conversation and at the time she was the primary care giver because he was working out of town a majority of the time.  We weren't together at the time, but we have all had lengthy conversations about it.

He hasn't had the court order from then changed because again he is afraid to bring it up so every time he brings something up she doesn't let him see SS.  He ends up crushed, so we do what we can when we have him.

SS doesn't listen to me at all, even after SO tells him he needs to listen to me, yes I get that kids don't listen, my kids don't listen to me sometimes too, but this is 100% of the time. 

This is really just the tip of the iceberg in all honesty.  A lot of our arguments stem  from the kids since we have very different parenting styles.  We need to find a way to get on the same page for some of the big things I guess.  It's really only been a month and I know things take time to adjust.

I am however grateful that our kids get along, the boys are always so excited to see each other.  DD feels a bit left out at times since SS is always telling her she can't join but her DS tries to include her and really kids can sometimes just be like that. 

trish_edmon

1

MrsHetzel

I think you need to give everything a little more time and reevaluate. Personally, my DH was scared to go to court with BM coz she's vindictive and it cost him plenty of time with his daughter. The 15 months it took us to finalize a custody/visitation agreement were some of the ugliest battles I've ever seen. But now everything is in black and white and both DH and BM and even myself are all held accountable for our actions in respect to parenting SD. As for not being listened to? Like I said, time is on your side. Be consistent in your parenting, encouragement, and discipline, and your SS will come around or just get used to the fact that this is how it is at dads house. Good luck.

Ginlyn0

I'm sorry but there is obviously more information missing from this post. No court is going to take away visits and then order  supervised over a conversation between parents regarding potty training. So what are you leaving out?

My advice is that this is not a BM or SS problem. This is you and your SO need to get on the same page problem. It has zero to do with what happens at BM's. You two need to sit down and discuss house rules and then enforce them.

trish_edmon

gin9874:

I'm sorry but there is obviously more information missing from this post. No court is going to take away visits and then order  supervised over a conversation between parents regarding potty training. So what are you leaving out?

Sorry, yes there is, I just don't want to post all of the details so publicly.  KMIM?

 

And yes I agree we both need to get on the same page.  This is new for both of us.

+just+j+

You're not a short order cook, so i don't think you should change how you cook. he wont starve, so cook what you want, keep the junk out of your home and he'll eat if he's really hungry.

Sigir

trish_edmon:

gin9874:

I'm sorry but there is obviously more information missing from this post. No court is going to take away visits and then order  supervised over a conversation between parents regarding potty training. So what are you leaving out?

Sorry, yes there is, I just don't want to post all of the details so publicly.  KMIM?

 

And yes I agree we both need to get on the same page.  This is new for both of us.

I think what gin is saying is that without more info it is hard to give advice. For example, my advice would be for your husb to stand up to the exh bc no court in heck would take away parenting time due to a conversation. Living in fear of the ex is a recipie for misery. I know, btdt. However, there must be more to the story that we need to know in order to give useful advice.

My advice would also be to go to court to have the co modified to include his parenting time. Without that, you're nowhere. But again, is there more to the story?

Regarding the cooking, cook one meal for the family period. If he refuses to eat it he'll go hungry that night. He will learn to change his behavior at your place! How often do you have him?