Long vent- need advice
daniellelovesjacob
member
I may get long winded here.
As some of you know I wrote a post about going to the Lake with DH's family Thursday- Sunday last week. It was only an hour away. Dh's parents rented a house and it was me, DH, Griffin, our two dogs, DH's parents, My sister in law and her 5 year old daughter Nevaeh. I was excited about it but a little nervous because things aren't the best with me and Lindsey my sil. Little did I know she wasn't the one I had to worry about.
Back story on Nevaeh. Her dad was in jail when she was born and up until she was almost 1. He hasn't been in her life since she was 1.5. DH's parents had her all the time when she was a baby and even now she will spend weekends there. She has always favored her grandma over her mom. She was the sweetest little girl until she was 2 or so. I have known her since she was born. She has food allergies. Milk/egg/seafood. She weights probably 120 lbs. I'm not even kidding. They blame it on the allergies but I saw how the ate the last weekend. What 5 year old needs 5 sloppy joes at one sitting. or 8 freezies in not even an hour. So I really don't think it ist he allergies and her stomach issues but she eats terrible. I can't imagine being 5 and obese but now I see why she is.
On to our awful vacation. I knew Nevaeh was difficult but I hadn't spent more than 1 night with her in 2 years. It was way worse than I could have imagined. She is the only child and only grandchild and use to getting her way. She took toys from Griffin and made him cry and wouldn't give them back. She would pick him up when we told him not to and the one time she laid him down flat on the wood floor so hard that his head slammed on the floor and he screamed for 5 minutes. She blew bubbles at his face when everyone told her not too. She took his little pushing/walk toy and was walking with it. When he was hollering happily she screamed at him to be quiet. Griffin would be sittin on the floor playing and she would walk in his way telling him to move and get out of her way. It was so awful. She was horrible to him. She was sweet to him 20% of the time and would sing to him but it didn't last very often. When they were in the pool she splashed him and got his hair all wet when I told her not too. I didn't want his ears wet becuase he has had 3 ear infections. And not only that but when she wanted something she cried until she got it. She was never dissciplined. Her mom slept most of the time and let her mom do everything with her. Nobody tells the girl no. It is just unreal.
Grififn's birthday party is in 6 weeks and I am honestly worried about Nevaeh ruining it. I need advice ladies. I was in tears over how she treated Grififn and nobody does anything about it. There is only so much I can say when she isn't my child. DH spoke up a lot and I know he talked to his mom about it some but his sister is the most difficult person I have ever met. Ugh. Vent over.
Re: Long vent- need advice
Don't invite them. That child sounds like a demon and there's no way I'd have her or her lazy azz "mom" at my sons party. Period.
ETA: I feel bad that the little girl has no one showing her how to behave and the difference between right and wrong. Kids need discipline and attention and it seems like the only way she's getting attention is by acting out. This is definitely the parents fault.
Does she got to school? Preschool or kindergarten? I wonder if she acts out there as well. I have a hard time believing that the teachers would let her get away with her bullying behavior.
But, you probably don't want to deal with that at G's party. I don't blame you.
I would just tell MIL or SIL that while you were in vacation, N was very hard to handle when it came to G and if she is going to be at the party they need to make sure she is behaving. I would say "we would love for you to be there, but if you don't think N can handle it, I won't be offended if you don't make it."
Honestly, it's your party for G, you shouldn't have to be worried about this! How awful.
Since your MIL assumes parental duties for the child, I would talk to her about it. Explain that you are concerned with how rough she was with your son, and you would appreciate it if she were watched more carefully around him. And I'd she does something you don't like and no one says anything to her, you say something.
Also, that is some shiit about her weight and the food she eats. Terrible.
After what you described, I would not want a child like that at my kid's first birthday party. I'm not sure that there is an option of just not inviting her, but when she's a bully to your kid with very minimal consequences, I wouldn't know what else to do.
I think that is awesome. And if she was my niece by blood (one of my sisters child) I would do that. But me and my SIL have never seen eye to eye and things are finally "cival" between us. As much as I would want to do that it would make things go very badly. SIL is the hardest person on this earth to deal with.
That's a rough situation. I'm sorry. I still think you should at least have a conversation with your MIL about it, so maybe she can help with N during the party and make sure she doesn't act out.
And, I'm sorry, I just can't bring myself to really type out the word 'Nevaeh'. I just can't do it.
Haha that's fine. They call her "Vaeh" Like vay- ah. I can't stand it so I stick to Nevaeh. But I am thinking talking to my MIL is probably the best option.
Invite me to Griffin's party. I'll tell that girl no all day! She better not dare try to ruin his day. Shes in trouble in my book for making him cry.
Seriously I can't stand undisciplined kids. It's not fair to the people around them. I refuse to do play dates with kids that run amok.
It is sad. And she really doesn't know better because she hasn't been taught right from wrong. I agree with all of this. It comes down to the parenting.
Two tangents. One is I do not know how you ladies can stand these IL vacations. I would die. I could never do it. MIL is forever trying to get us to rent a lake house in this part of Michigan that is like 20 minutes from my parents' house and I am always like no effing way. Why would I want to vacation basically in my home town? They always go to the mall I worked at as a teenager. Fun stuff. Plus, SIL is such a spoiled brat who can't handle her own children that I would have to run away to my parents' house. You all know it must be bad if I'd rather be with my mother.
And the other tangent: Man, I hard core judge parents letting children become obese. I saw several little boys at the spray park with man boobs. So not OK. There is no excuse. None.
Meanwhile, Poppy is wise. If you're uncomfortable disciplining her, have H do it. I would first bring up my concerns with M and SIL but I don't imagine they will be all, "Oh you're right! We should be more aware of her actions! Thank you!" It'll probably be more like, "Don't tell ME how to parent!" But you have to take your boy's side here and if that means telling this poor girl off, that's what you have to do. What an unfortunate position for you though!
Oh Molly. You made me smile with what you said. I will fly you and Chloe here and you can be on watch out haha.
ITA. She is craving attention. And acting out to get it. So sad. :
I like the idea of a special job or jobs for her at the party. But since she's
only five and has poor impulse control she would have to have an adult helper to encourage her and keep her on track. Maybe she could bring g his presents? And/or pour and pass out drinks?
I have a friend with two little girls. They are all vegetarian, very active, and very health conscious. Even so one of her little girls is obese. It kills my friend because her little girl has to go through that and she knows other parents judge her for it.
Obviously this isn't always the case but just know there are some excuses. Obviously 5 sloppy joes and a shitton of popsicles isn't one.
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Oh hey, hello, hi, we have the same life.
About a year after we started dating, R started coming over with SO (his little brother, 3 at the time). His parents are both older and relied on SO to take care of him 99% of the time, so he did. When he was with SO, he reflected the behavior he was allowed to have at home; unruly, rough, didn't listen for shitt. SO would tell him no and he would ignore him because he knew when he got home, his mom would revoke whatever punishment SO had put down.
So, when he was around 5, he started school and things got worse. He had a rough time in school, acted out at home, wasn't punished, was rewarded for bad behavior, etc. At this point in time, he was over my apartment (SO still lived with his parents) almost three times a week. I held off on saying something for so long because he wasn't my kid and wasn't my brother. One day, he was ridiculous...I mean, throwing shitt off my balcony, running around my house, pretending to shoot everything, cussing, and I went right up to him, stared right into his eyes, and said, "This is MY house. If you cannot behave, you will do absolutely nothing but stare at the wall."
Let me tell you that from that day, R has respected me way more than he does his parents or SO. I thought he wouldn't listen to me and would just keep doing whatever, but laying down the law with him showed him that I wasn't going to take any shitt, and he still respects that. He's here about 4-5 times a week and knows that the rules are different here than at his house. He listens whenever I tell him not to do something and he doesn't really question anything I say. I'm not mean to him, I just tell him what is and is not acceptable. The structure here obviously does him way more good than the lack of at home.
So, anyways, that got long, but in short: say something to her. You might think that because you're not a blood relative or because SIL isn't on great terms with you that you can't, but you can. Why? Because Griffin is YOUR child and it's your job to ensure his safety. When you talk to your MIL, I would give her a heads up,"If N acts that way at his party, I'm going to have to have a talk with her..." or something to that effect.
She might react a hell of a lot differently than you think.
ETA: Example of said lack of structure: SO's parents gave R $30 to come over here last night because he didn't want to/wanted to stay home and spend time with his parents and they wanted to go to the casino....
SCANDAL!
Danielle - So sorry you had to go through this. I think you held it together from what it sounds like. I would have had it after the whole baby hitting head on the floor thing.
I wouldn't bring your MIL into it. I would have your Husband talk to his sister and address the situation esp. if things were to get out of hand at Griffin's birthday. I am pretty close to my cousins and their children. Actually, my one cousin is more like a sister to me. Don't think for one second when her child get's out of hand and she isn't around to correct the attitude (she's 7) I say something. It just depends how close you are to the person. I wouldn't involve MIL in it because after all your SIL is her daughter and SIL child is her grandbaby and first at that!
I would again have Hubs say something if things get out of hand. Let him be the bad guy and you keep your peace with SIL. If you say something to SIL - *** will hit the fan and both parties will be pissed off..... it will be a losing battle for you even if you are right, been there and done that!
Let Hubs have control on Griffin's birthday and you enjoy every second of Griffin and his big day!