Would it be bad if...

TunaTown

Would it be bad if I sent LO to daycare with training pants or regular underwear and let them "deal" with the potty training?

She's so ready and showing so many signs.

She takes off her diaper after she poops. She said "I don't want to wear diapers anymore", but still won't cooperate with sitting on the potty. She wants to throw away her "icky diaper" (that's what she calls it) in the morning. 

We tried the big potty training weekend this past weekend, but she just wasn't into it 100%. She would refuse to sit on the potty. We even did the ceremonial trip to the store as part of the weekend to pick out underwear (she was so excited about the Dora underwear). We watched the potty episode of Daniel and Prince Wednesday.

I really think it's a control thing for her, and that she just doesn't want to do it for Mommy.

I'm wondering if she'll give less resistance to her teachers? 

What do you think, Parenting? 

TunaTown

I would def talk with them prior. I guess I just feel like I failed at the potty training attempt.

Manateearmz

Uhhhhhh, ya dude talk to the teachers first. They generally need a heads up for this sort of thing. If you want them to help with the training allow them time to prepare potty charts, rewards and just the mental readiness to deal with that. 

lindsay.lou

Talk to them first obviously.

DS1's DCP told me to NOT PT him this summer and wait til he's back in FT DC in the fall. I'm a teacher. She said it goes way better when kids can see their classmates going into the bathroom and such. They want to participate, kwim? She also said it's good for kids to get the reinforcement of their DCP doing the same bathroom routine as mom and dad at home, so kids can see it's not just mom and dad wanting them to PT.

Talk to your DCP and ask her advice for what approach will work best in terms of being able to reinforce it at DC. DCPs are experts in a lot of this stuff, IMO.

FTR, I would never just send your kid in training pants and not say a word to the DCP.

TunaTown

As I stated above, I would def talk to the DC first. I wouldn't just dump it on them. That wouldn't be cool.

In answer to other questions and comments above: 

We've tried a few weekends prior to this big potty weekend. This isn't the first attempt at potty training. She's done her business on the potty plenty of times. 

The DC always directs the kid to the potty prior to a diaper change. (She goes to a center). Many kids in her class are potty trained, so it's not a big deal to try at this age. And she's also peed on the potty lots of times at DC.

I was simply asking if it would be bad to let DC take over the potty training effort since she seems to have a control issue with DH and I and seems to be difficult for the sake of being independent and wanting to do things her way. That, and Mommy guilt.

lindsay.lou

TunaTown:

I was simply asking if it would be bad to let DC take over the potty training effort since she seems to have a control issue with DH and I and seems to be difficult for the sake of beingnbsp;independentnbsp;and wanting to do things her way. That, and Mommy guilt.

I think this is sound logic. My DS1 will do tons of things for his DCP that he won't do for me, like use utensils, use a cup without a top, put his own shoes and jacket on.

It very well could just be a power struggle with your DD.

TunaTown

lindsay.lou:

TunaTown:

I was simply asking if it would be bad to let DC take over the potty training effort since she seems to have a control issue with DH and I and seems to be difficult for the sake of beingnbsp;independentnbsp;and wanting to do things her way. That, and Mommy guilt.

I think this is sound logic. My DS1 will do tons of things for his DCP that he won't do for me, like use utensils, use a cup without a top, put his own shoes and jacket on. It very well could just be a power struggle with your DD.

Thank you for your feedback (above and in the previous response) 

lindsay.lou

Scout2005:

PTing is my White Whale, I'm obsessed and terrified of it at the same time.

Same. I didn't even flinch at moving him to a toddler bed and the million other transitions we've made. I'm just terrified of PTing. I just don't know what approach to take and I'm worried I'm going to go about it all wrong and end up making it worse and setting myself up for years of bedwetting and accidents.

And now I'm rambling ....

acaudill75

My DC doesn't PT. DD1 was about your LO's age when she finally PT'd. For her, she wanted diapers and the attention her little sister was getting, so she purposely delayed PT, even though she showed interest at like 18 months, before DD1 was born. I let her take the lead and let me know when she was ready.

DD2 wants to do everything DD1 does, so she is now peeing the potty at almost 16 months, but I don't think it is going to be full blown PTing anytime soon.

I say let them take the lead, and when they are ready, take the diaper off and let them run around naked (at home of course). Accidents will happen, but in the end, it will work. In public, a diaper or pull up, or if you feel adventurous, carry lots of panties.

MamatoA2010

My DD wasn't trained until 2 years 11 months. Like others have said, give it more time.

lindsay.lou

Am I the only one who doesn't even find diapers all that annoying? With coupons, my Target up up diapers are like 11 cents a diaper. To me, it seems like MORE of a hassle to constantly be going to the potty and the thought of public restrooms with a 2 year old and 10 month old in tow makes me want to cry.

Perhaps I'm just trying to justify waiting until my 2 year old is a little older.

Side note, I don't understand DCPs who say they don't do PTing. Kids don't PT overnight, all kids are going to be in the PTing process at some point, what does the DCP expect a parent to do? Diapers at daycare until the child is 100 potty trained? To me it seems like that would totally confuse a kid and make the whole process so much harder.

ASmallWonder

We're in the thick of PT'ing right now.  Have you tried not making her sit on the potty and rather watching her like a hawk and putting her on the potty at the first sign she's going?  This is the method my best friend and I have both started with.  It's hard because you have to keep eyes on them every single second and it's exhausting but after one day of doing that, the next day he was more able to tell he was ABOUT to pee, rather than "I'm peeing right now" kwim?  

jbatch

I run a daycare and our kids have to be potty trained by 3 years old. But we do most of the potty training. Some kids are potty trained for us but not for their parents. I would definitely talk to them about putting your LO in underwear. That is what we do here. I think what you are saying is a good idea!

lindsay.lou

I have a bad feeling I'm just never gonna leave the house when it becomes necessary to drag both kids into a stall and do that whole routine when DS1 needs to go.

TunaTown

elmoali:

We're in the thick of PT'ing right now.  Have you tried not making her sit on the potty and rather watching her like a hawk and putting her on the potty at the first sign she's going?  This is the method my best friend and I have both started with.  It's hard because you have to keep eyes on them every single second and it's exhausting but after one day of doing that, the next day he was more able to tell he was ABOUT to pee, rather than "I'm peeing right now" kwim?  

I've tried putting her potty seat in the room we're in, and said "there's your potty, feel free to go potty when you feel like you need to potty."

Did the naked outside thing. She held her pee, and didn't use the potty that was outside.

I think I'm just going to stick to diapers for now and let DC to the potty training once I'm back at work full time.

Potty training. is. exhausting.

 

Luckie519

We tried this weekend too and it was a fail.  DS is showing signs, but is scared to death of underwear.

Princess_Lily

Ask your daycare.

Also, ask them their techniques if both sides feel that she is ready so there isn't any difficulty in the transitions between school and home. 

 

For us, we had to hold down the fort for two weeks and go without diapers or underwear for a week or so.  I took him to the potty every 2 hours...and lengthened that over time.  After going bottomless for a week or so, we went to boxers and then to underwear - it was the sensation of having something on him, not a control issue.

ABColeslaw

TunaTown:

elmoali:

We're in the thick of PT'ing right now.  Have you tried not making her sit on the potty and rather watching her like a hawk and putting her on the potty at the first sign she's going?  This is the method my best friend and I have both started with.  It's hard because you have to keep eyes on them every single second and it's exhausting but after one day of doing that, the next day he was more able to tell he was ABOUT to pee, rather than "I'm peeing right now" kwim?  

I've tried putting her potty seat in the room we're in, and said "there's your potty, feel free to go potty when you feel like you need to potty."

Did the naked outside thing. She held her pee, and didn't use the potty that was outside.

I think I'm just going to stick to diapers for now and let DC to the potty training once I'm back at work full time.

Potty training. is. exhausting.

 

 

But that isn't potty training.  Don't get me wrong, I know...its frustrating...I'm potty training an autistic child right now using the method Elmoali mentioned.  I certainly had zero success potty training Asher when I just left it up to him to find the potty I pointed out.  I also had zero success when I put him on the potty during timed intervals or badgered him all day asking him if he needed to go.  If he doesn't have to go....dude doesn't have to go.  I honestly had to clear my schedule for a whole four days.  I planned nothing else.  I disabled my wifi, shut off my cell phone, plunked my butt and my completely naked child in my kitchen.  I planned activities, games, and bought new movies to keep his interest.  I watched him like a hawk.  I did nothing else but stare at my kid ALL.  DAY.  LONG.  Everytime he started to pee, I zipped him over to the potty as fast as I could, at first he'd get just some in, but by them middle of the day, he was running for it himself.  Day two, no accidents, day three I let him go commando with lose fitting shorts that would be easy to pull down and I rolled up all my carpets and let him roam the house.  I followed him around with his potty, but let him find it on his own.  Day four we took the potty with us to my best friend's house....he even pooped on the potty while he was there.  

I'm telling you all this because daycare may not be your saving grace.  My son is in preschool and they have not helped one tiny bit, in fact they are making the process more difficult.  I dropped him off yesterday, he had one accident and they gave up and put him in a pull up.  1 accident dude.  Really?  All his hardwork just to be stuck in a pull up at 10am? FTR my son treats a pullup like a diaper. No way.  We had a plan too, they couldn't deal with it that day so they gave up.  They also said "Don't worry its normal for Autistic children to be in diapers until age six"  Yeah not acceptable for my child who has already shown that he can and will do this with practice. 

Bottom line is, you can't half potty training.  You have to go all in and suffer it out (and I agree that its horrible and probably the most difficult parenting thing I've had to do...and my child is high needs!) You have to be consistent, which is why most daycares want you to have some success at home during a long weekend before they take it up at school.  Otherwise, you're sending your child mixed messages.   I also don't think you should expect your daycare to do your parenting.  This is a self help skill that starts at home and branches out from there.  I really do believe that children should be introduced to something as life changing...and it is life changing for them...in the place they are most comfortable.  

 Good luck, really.  It took me many frustrating attempts and getting so discouraged...I actually cried, before I realized that I wasn't fully committed.  Its not easy.