Donor for secondary IF?

Sharon216

Is there anyone on this board who used a donor after dealing with secondary infertility?

Brief intro -  DD born Oct. 2009 after trying 3 cycles.  TTC #2 since Aug. 2010.  I'm 37 and DH is 38.  All tests have come back normal but I recently learned that my FSH is high (17-18).  I had 2 IVF cycles cancelled because I didn't respond to stims.  My RE essentially told me there's not much more we can try.  We went for a second opinion a few days ago and we were told that our best option would be to use an egg donor.  Our biggest hesitation with using a donor is the cost.  I'm just not sure we can afford it.  We purchased an IVF package a few months ago and we're able to convert that to a donor package but it's an additional $10,000. I'm struggling to wrap my arms around the fact we may never have a biological sibling for DD.

indianasunshine

Hi Sharon, 

There are a few ladies on this board who have one or more biological children and have turned to donor eggs to complete their families.  I have a three year-old who was conceived through IVF when I was 39 and am now pregnant with a son via donor egg.  Since my DH is the father of both boys, I feel that they are biological siblings.  There are so many emotions involved in the decision to use a donor, so don't feel bad if you don't feel the same.  The process is very expensive, making an already extremely emotional decision that much more difficult.  If you have the opportunity to sign up for a guarantee package or shared risk, I would go for it.  We had one shot at this working and spent about $26,000. 

Best of luck in making your decision.  It is so tough! 

happywifemomofone

I got married at age 40 for the first time.  I have a son, that will be 21 when this LO is born.  My husband has no children and wanted to start a family.  I loved being pregnant and always thought that I would have 3 children.  We know that it's unlikely that this child will be close to my son, and is much more likely to be raised alongside our grandchildren, although such is life.  There are many questions to ask as you consider this option, but each family has to decide what is best for them.  We hope to have a second child, using our six frozen embries from our donor cycle-so that we will be able to have siblings in our home.  GL with your decision making, there are no right answers. 

jcath

I have two older children from a past marriage and was successful with a DE IVF. It's different having older children who can understand from the start is different from your situation but honestly I don't think they feel any different that they aren't biologically related to them.  They often say things like "she's just like me in the way that ..." Initially I reminded them that they weren't biologically linked so that couldn't be but then I stopped - what matters is how they feel.  

If you want a second child then, for me personally, biology isn't the only consideration.  It is very expensive.  We used a frozen egg bank and the cycle was $16,500 which was actually cheaper than our IVF with PGD.  Best of luck on your decision and hope our input is helpful. 

Strunella

I have a bio son conceived naturally.  After 2 losses last year (most likely due to poor egg quality), we decided to skip even trying IVF with my own eggs and went straight to DE.   Like pp, we also used frozen DE which is a lot cheaper than fresh. 

Sometimes it does bother me that this child will not be a full sibling to DS, but then I think in the grand scheme of things, I really think it's just not going to matter.  I also think of all the people who have kids, divorce, and then have more kids with their new spouse.  The children from those relationships are not full siblings either. 

We knew we wanted 2 children to feel that our family was complete.  DE was just the best path for us to get there.