I would love a 3rd, hubby not so much

wishing4more

Hi everyone... I have a question for you momma's out there... my husband and I have two boys 5 and 2... and I thought I was good with 2. a few months ago, I got the desire to add a 3rd child to our family... I waited a few weeks to talk to my hubby about it as I wanted to make sure I was really wanting a 3rd and not just something that will pass. So, I mentioned it (actually did a presentation as why we should have another - all in fun) and he gave me an A for effort but felt we were good at 2. So, I was disappointed... i wanted a bit and decided to sent him an email expressing how strong my desire was to have another baby. I sent it to him on an evening I was going out so he could sit and read it once the boys were in bed and 'digest' what I said. He asked me to give him a few months before bringing it up again to think. So, I gave him 2 months. During that time, I swear the things he said and did was leaning towards him saying yes...so when the subject came up the other night and he was still on the "no more" side... i was kinda shocked. disappointed... hurt. 

I don't know if anyone else has felt this way but I can 'sense' the third child as already being here... it feels as though something is missing from our family and I can see our family as being a family of 5. 

Sorry, a little long... my question is... has any of you wanted another baby and hubby didn't and how did you handle it? Did you try to convince them or did you just accept it? I am having a hard time accepting it....

 

Thanks

 

Jess 

sourapplemartini

If he wants two, then he wins. An additional child isn't something you can really compromise on unfortunately. 

greengirl0909

I've never really understood why the person who wants less kids wins? I know that's a very common statement, but I don't get why their wishes outweigh the person who wants another kid? 

I can't imagine being in your shoes.  I guess I would try to understand his point of view, like is it financial, worry about bonding, or something else? It would be hard for me to let it go.  GL 

kcisthebombdotcom

greengirl0909:

I've never really understood why the person who wants less kids wins? I know that's a very common statement, but I don't get why their wishes outweigh the person who wants another kid? 

I can't imagine being in your shoes.  I guess I would try to understand his point of view, like is it financial, worry about bonding, or something else? It would be hard for me to let it go.  GL 

ita simple why this is the case. It's not fair to the child. Having a kid is a huge lifelong commitment. Say the person who doesn't want the kid gives in. Said child is brought into a family where dad resents him/her being there. It's a terrible situation to bring a child into. 

I'm not in quite the same situation but had to give up having a third child due to my second child's illness. I can tell you it gets better with time like anything else. I focus on how lucky i am to have the kids I do and I focus on all the positives of being a two child family, like convenience in traveling, more money/time/resources, etc. 

Bluebird2318

What is your husband's reason for not wanting a third? Mine has gone back and forth about wanting a second, and a lot of it had to do with financial/preparedness reasons (when living in the present he feels like he doesn't want another; when looking at the future he feels like he does). Since he's actively looking for a promotion right now, we've decided that we'll discuss TTC#2 after it comes through. I feel much the same way about having a second that you do about having a third, but if DH were to decide that having another was simply out of the question for him, I would have to live with that. As PP said, it's just not fair to the child otherwise.

My advice... Be open with your DH about how you feel, but don't try to pressure him. It won't do either of you any favors. If his reasoning for not wanting a third is not something that can't be resolved, then the best you can do is remind yourself of all the great things about having two. For what it's worth, I think two is the perfect number! It maximizes the amount of time/money/energy you can dedicate to them while still giving them the experience (for better or worse) of having a sibling. 

Good luck with whatever you two decide, OP.  

greeneyed_bride

greengirl0909:

I've never really understood why the person who wants less kids wins? I know that's a very common statement, but I don't get why their wishes outweigh the person who wants another kid? 

In my opinion, it's because coercing another person into parenting a child whom they don't want to parent isn't fair to the parent or the child. It's such a huge commitment and a lot of work that it seems like a bad idea to "make" someone do it if they aren't on board with it. Even if they agree reluctantly just to appease their spouse, there's a good chance for there to be resentment there.

Also, logistically speaking, how do you get a person who is adamant that they don't want a child to impregnate you without lying to/deceiving them? 

Having said that, I think it would really suck to want another child and not have your husband on the same page. I'm sorry, OP! I agree with PP who said to not bring it up for a while and give your husband some space to think without pressure.

QSHAYALLEN20

I am also wanting to a 3rd child into my family but my husband goes back on forth on this... He confuses me and it makes me angry but I know that's not something that I can change. I've decided to give his time to think about it and see what happens. Having another child is big responsability that can't be taken back therefore you both have to be on the same page about this.  GL!