Do you work in a "boys club"

monica92603

and how do you deal?

After 6 years, I think I've come to the end of my time at my current job.  And it may not be by my own choice.  I got put on a 90 day warning....a very generic 90 day warning. 

I'm super disappointed w/ how things are playing out.  I was recruited to this company and told they wanted to grow the females at my level.  What a crock of crap.

Over the years, it's been suggested point blank I got pregnant at a specific time to get out of our busy season.  I was told/asked during a review with my boss when I was pg w/ my second "you don't really want to work, you want to be home w/ your kids don't you?".  I was transferred to a boss last year that was notorious for not liking women, in fact there was a total of 3 women transfered to him after he'd had an all male team for years.  Two of those women are no longer w/ the company.  I was pg at the time, so I guess they figured they were stuck w/ me.  I was questioned repeatedly about my leave, when I was going out and coming back and WHY do you need to go out so early??  The last time I was pg I had a team member who had a lot of connections w/ higher ups come tell me that I needed to watch my back b/c while it was my right to have children, I really should time them better. The bosses were pissed.

It's stressful as hell.  I don't sleep well.  My last hope just left the company...another mother of young children.  I'm now the only one in about roughly 85 person team of people at my level that is a mother of young children.

I've passed up other opportunities to stay at this company.    I just don't know what to do. Go find another job or go down fighting and force them to fire me b/c if I stay, they are going to fire me.

iverske9

I personally would look for a new job and stick it out until then. I am sorry you have to deal with that. I had working in a mostly male field and did ok but have moved and realize I am much happier. You can find a more family oriented job, and since you "have" a job now you can be picky.

MamaAllison

I think once stuff starts interfering with your sleep it is time to go. Sounds like you are at that point good luck!

groovygrl

Definitely time to look for a new job...90 days is not that long on the job search front so I'd start looking asap. I don't think what you described fits the definition of sexual discrimination so I'm not sure you'd want to go there but if you have enough documentation of that type of thing I suppose you could try it...but also consider burned bridges and references etc...can you get some of hte women who left to be solid/strong references for you?

Karla CS

If you truly feel like it boarders on harrassment or discrimination, I think you only have two options, and both involve leaving the company. You can either play your card legally or chose to part ways. I don't see how or why anyone would be willing to tolerate that over the long run. Staying in a system like that only perpetuates it. I think you've already identified that it's not a healthy situation, you're only trying to work out how to get out of it.

groovygrl

mystererae:

groovygrl:

Definitely time to look for a new job...90 days is not that long on the job search front so I'd start looking asap. I don't think what you described fits the definition of sexual discrimination so I'm not sure you'd want to go there but if you have enough documentation of that type of thing I suppose you could try it...but also consider burned bridges and references etc...can you get some of hte women who left to be solid/strong references for you?

OP has had losses according to her siggy. Pregnancy is already a stressful time for her. What right do they have to make it worse by questioning her motives and timing?

Better to leave on her own terms than get fired for poor performance. 

I didn't say it was 'ok' to do anything they did, I just didn't think it sounded like a solid case of sexual discrimination that would be worth the hassle of fighting in my opinion, but maybe sexual discrimination is easier to prove/show than I am aware? I am totally confused by your response as I also said that I would start looking for a job if they put her on some sort of 90 day warning.  Sorry if that was misundestood in some way that indicated I thought she was in any way in the wrong, just agreeing w/ others that I'd get out of there before getting terminated since they seem to want to do that for whatever reason.

OP didn't mean you were wrong in any way fwiw, it is a crappy situation.

oooCarrieB

I worked in an office like that. When I was pg, they cut my salary and when I came back from leave they demoted me. Mu performance had always been stellar, but as soon as i was pg, they started writing me up for everything!! My boss was a terrible person who was threatened w a sexual harassment suit right before I left. Finding a new job and leaving that place was the best decision I ever made. F the boys club.

Good luck!!

monica92603

groovygrl:

mystererae:

groovygrl:

Definitely time to look for a new job...90 days is not that long on the job search front so I'd start looking asap. I don't think what you described fits the definition of sexual discrimination so I'm not sure you'd want to go there but if you have enough documentation of that type of thing I suppose you could try it...but also consider burned bridges and references etc...can you get some of hte women who left to be solid/strong references for you?

OP has had losses according to her siggy. Pregnancy is already a stressful time for her. What right do they have to make it worse by questioning her motives and timing?

Better to leave on her own terms than get fired for poor performance. 

I didn't say it was 'ok' to do anything they did, I just didn't think it sounded like a solid case of sexual discrimination that would be worth the hassle of fighting in my opinion, but maybe sexual discrimination is easier to prove/show than I am aware? I am totally confused by your response as I also said that I would start looking for a job if they put her on some sort of 90 day warning.  Sorry if that was misundestood in some way that indicated I thought she was in any way in the wrong, just agreeing w/ others that I'd get out of there before getting terminated since they seem to want to do that for whatever reason.

OP didn't mean you were wrong in any way fwiw, it is a crappy situation.

I have no real intention of going the discrimination route unless I do get fired and they try to deny my unemployment.  It's well known that our big boss (the one who insinuated to me that I got pg on purpose at the busy time of year), is not a big fan of women.

I wasn't offended by the response but as the other poster said....yeah, I was there for my full term loss and then went right on to get pg the same time the following year but purposefully waited to TTC till I knew I wouldn't miss the busy time again...worked up till I went into labor at work (over 3 weeks early) on the busiest day of the year....was in so much pain but pushed through b/c it was the busiest day of the year and I didn't want to "screw" them again and it turned out I had a partial placental abruption and very well could have lost my daughter too. No gratitude or acknowledgement. BUT, I realized when I was pg w/ my son that no one would watch out for me but me so I took 4 weeks off before my scheduled c/s and was questioned several times about it.  

I have no intentions of using any of the men I've worked for there as references and it sucks b/c I've had some kick a*s*s results It is a crappy situation esp after 6 years. 

Carnation77

I work in a VERY male dominated field/workplace.  The way I handle this stuff is I call them on inappropriate stuff the second they say/do it.  Men can be dense.  They need to be smacked over the head with reality sometimes. Unfortunately, once they think their behavior/remarks are the norm it's hard to put an end to it.  I think you should look for another place to work and when you leave tell them you're leaving because of their sexist, discriminatory behavior.  I doubt they'll care but you never know - it might help someone who comes in after you.

I don't normally recommend running away from a problem but sometimes you just need a fresh start so people see you differently.  Also, that sounds like a pretty stressful situation. Why put up with it if you don't have to?  Their loss.