How to tell another parent who your aba is

changingnames

  DS1 recently transferred from his public preschool where he started in a special needs- then a 50/50 inclusion/and finally a gen ed room.  So it was certainly no big secret with the other parents that he is on the spectrum since either their kids were on the spectrum or they had agreed to have their kid in an inclusion room.  Now we are in more of a typical gen ed situation where some parents may have no idea that he is on the spectrum.  Im not sure how open I should be with the info.  It is not a secret from DS- he hasn't really asked any questions about asd but the word is spoken in his presence plenty and I answer anything he asks.  Still I don't know these women well and what might be said to their own children and then used someday against DS- IM sure you can see why I want to consider how careful I should be with who I share this info with.

  We have a play date coming up and the Mom wants to change the day to the day/time of our aba therapy, which would be great since we love having play dates during therapy but I don't know how to broach the subject of why DS has a play therapist along with.  To make it a little more complicated there is a bit of a language barrier- she speaks with a heavy (asian) accent and I don't speak  her first language at all.  So we have worked out the details of our plan by text.  She seems really nice and our boys like each other.  I feel like such a nit wit having to ask her to repeat herself or not understanding her- wish I spoke another language- though it wouldn't help since it is unlikely I could learn every language out there and I am having this difficulty with at least two of the moms I have met at this school.

thanks for the advice- I might take it down later since I seem to have an internet fan right now, sort of creepy

thefuturemrskudla

I agree that this isn't the play date to introduce the therapist, nor the time to share with the other child's mother. Do you have concerns about how DS relates to this child? Have they played together in the past?

AgrippaRidesAgain

I also would change the playdate. The very first kid that DS ever actively played with instead of ignoring or running away was from Japan. His mother was very sweet, but we had enough of a language and cultural barrier to make playdates awkward, and that was without the added stress of having to explain why a therapist was there.

changingnames

He hasn't had any problems playing with him. My guess is that we could have the play date without the therapist and all would be well (especially of I can get DH to take ds2 so my attention isn't split). It's just that she asked to move the playdate to the time when we have therapy and our therapist always loves to do a play date session since it's a great opportunity for learning. But I think you guys are right- given how difficult it was for us to even plan the date and the fact thst i dont know her at all- I don't want to have to explain what aba is etc if it isn't something she is familiar with. Thanks for giving me another set of eyes on it. I think I needed to hear it from someone else. We will just have to come up with another date.

CaptainSerious

changingnames:

He hasn't had any problems playing with him. My guess is that we could have the play date without the therapist and all would be well (especially of I can get DH to take ds2 so my attention isn't split). It's just that she asked to move the playdate to the time when we have therapy and our therapist always loves to do a play date session since it's a great opportunity for learning. But I think you guys are right- given how difficult it was for us to even plan the date and the fact thst i dont know her at all- I don't want to have to explain what aba is etc if it isn't something she is familiar with. Thanks for giving me another set of eyes on it. I think I needed to hear it from someone else. We will just have to come up with another date.

Thank you aba for the opportunity, but let her know that you don't feel comfortable turning this particular play date into a therapy session. Let her know you will look for a similar opportunity that will work better as a play therapy session in the future.

changingnames

We came up with a mutually agreeable time (not during therapy) and DH is going to work from home so he can take ds2 home. We are meeting at an aquarium where we have season passes and have spent many a successful playdate and I'll bring snacks so we can sit and eat after enjoying the aquarium and the playground. I think the deck is stacked in our favor as best I can. Ds1's teacher told me that he has been playing really well and making friends- getting a good response from the other kids . He will be staying in this class when fall starts so this is great news! Switching to a private school was a stressful decision but so far it is going really well