Dealing with inlaws.

Brittlefey

This is a bit of a rant, and I apologize, but I think it's better for me to vent here than to them.

We rarely, ok twice, have allowed DH's parents to watch our fourteen month old. It's been a combination of scheduling, disagreements in parenting, and I didn't trust them because I was aware they had smoked some stuff in the past. Fast forward, and I finally, a year after they say they've been off the stuff, were willing to listen, etc., agree to let them watch him.

We agreed on 1:30 pm on Sunday. At 9:00am our phone rings and they announce they are going to take him right then and are taking him to the lake. He would have to do without his nap. We also had been looking forward to taking him to the lake for the first time, but would now miss out. We were frustrated, but quickly got him ready and let them take him.

When he came back, they said they'd put him in the water, etc. It was still frustrating, but we were mostly over it. Then we found out that they had NEVER stopped the 'stuff'. And they had taken our child, after lying to us about it. SMOKED  in front of him, and barely watched him in a deep lake. WOW. I have no words.

mben1119

Are they smoking weed or crack? Stuff doesn't really help us. Either way, you are the parent. You are the adult. You don't have to let your Lo go anywhere with anyone, especially someone under the influence of drugs.

dairygirl19

Yeah, the appropriate response to anything they do in regards to you child from now on is, "No thanks."

Your kid. Your rules.

Why do you think you have to give in to them?

SunAndRain

They barely watched him in a deep lake? Huh?

Brittlefey

They smoke pot. I wouldn't have let them take him if I'd thought they would do anything like that anymore. DH and I had a monster fight because I wouldn't let them, and eventually I gave in. I didn't want him and his whole family to hate me. He's already said over and over that he wants time away from LO, and doesn't think he 'should have to pay someone to get some time away from our kid when his family is right here.' I didn't want to be the reason they never saw my son or that DH and I never get a break. DH's brother and his wife were there as well, so they kept an eye on LO. They were annoyed, though, because it shouldn't have been left to them.

mben1119

Brittlefey:

They smoke pot. I wouldn't have let them take him if I'd thought they would do anything like that anymore. DH and I had a monster fight because I wouldn't let them, and eventually I gave in. I didn't want him and his whole family to hate me.nbsp;He's alreadynbsp;said over and over that he wants time away from LO, and doesn't think he 'should have to pay someonenbsp;to get some time away from our kid when his family is right here.'nbsp;I didn't want to be the reason they never saw my son or that DH and I never getnbsp;a break. DH's brother and his wife were there as well, so they kept an eye on LO. They were annoyed, though, because it shouldn't have been left to them.

Your husband should be man enough to stand up to his parents and let them know using drugs while caring for a child is unacceptable. Adults can smoke weed, that doesn't bother me. But not while responsible for a child.

dairygirl19

TBH, you also have an H problem here that needs to be solved first.

marriedsisterofbride

Your husband has a lot of growing up to do. Under no circumstances would I allow my inlaws to take a 14 mo old to a lake or anywhere else and NOT watch her! I had issues with my sister in law and brother in law. My husband did agree with me because my sister in law was completely out of line but my husband has had to man up and put his foot down because it would have ended long before it did if I had. It wasn't pretty and we have no contact at all now which is fine with us because we felt she was not safe aroung our child. Was she happy about our decision? Of course not but it is our responsibility to keep our child safe and away from people that do not have our best interest as a family in mind.

And as far as having time away, time together as a couple is a gift. It is great when you get it but it is not guarenteed and can't be expected. If you can not have time away while your RESPONSIBILITY is with responsibile, clean adult then it is your RESPONSIBILITY to take care of the child yourself. Worst case scenerio could have been something out of a nightmare. Accidents certainly happen. It would be wise to have a long conversation with your husband about this.

dragon_chica

So your DH would rather put your child in harm's way to get a date night?  Wow....just wow....definitely a DH problem.  ILs can hem and haw all they want but when your DH is actually fighting with you to let his pot-smoking parents watch your kid then HE is the problem, not them.  Put all your energy into dealing with DH.  Your ILs are NOT the issue here.

Jen0204

You would think that not smoking pot while watching your kid would be a very basic expectation that everyone could agree to.  Sure, there were other adults there but I can't believe that your H doesn't see a problem with them watching him at a lake and driving in the car with him while under the influence of pot.  If this were my H it would seriously make me question his judgment and priorities.

Disneygeek77

Nope, I would be done.  Never ever again would they watch my child and I wouldn't care one bit about the fallout.  I am completely serious.  You are the parent and you need to stop being a doormat to your husband and your ILs.  Your child's safety and well being is more important than saving a few bucks on childcare. 

Veittobe

I would be so pissed.  The change in time is annoying and disrespectful.  Smoking weed while taking care of your LO when they know you are against it is like a smack in the face.  I would have no qualms about being very direct as to why you will not be leaving your LO with them unsupervised again.  Your IL's know what they're doing.  And it sounds to me like the intentionally smoked around your LO to be complete jerks.  I'd be done.  And I'd be very happy to tell them why.

Just as a side note - how do you know they were smoking and not watching your LO?  Did your sister in law/brother in law tell you?