Help with my son's play skills

July_2009

DS is going to be 4 in 2 weeks, was diagnosed on the spectrum by children's hospital dev pedi team at 22 months, DS is verbal, is progressing extremely well in preschool setting with IEP. Has lot of sensory issues going on, can have tantrums for no reason and typical behaviour associated with ASD. So far so good. Of late, he wants to play with friends. So, he has this best buddy from is school and he talks about the kid J all.the.time. DS also adores my 2.5 yr old niece and always wants to go visit her (out of state) and is looking forward to my niece's b'day in Oct. The challenge however is he is VERY VERY attached to these friends. When he has play dates with them, he almst suffocates the other kids talking and talking and entering their personal space, telling them commands to obey, telling the group what to play and basically expecting everything to go according to his world. Of course the kids play in their own way and it upsets DS a lot. He has learnt to take a break and come back composed and join the play but then it ends the same way over and over. It breaks my heart to see him suffer not knowing how to play socially though he really wants to. What would be the best way to help him be successful at playdates and have friends? Any books, particular therapy styles, social stories, I am willing to try out anything to empower my son with basic play skills

July_2009

Aplogize for the non-formatted text, somehow the browser overrode the formatting.

lite-bright

We are stepping up Floortime now that it's summer, and one of the things our therapist highly recommends is playing as if YOU were another kid. So you sabotage deliberately, refuse to go along with his plans, propose other ideas, change the "storyline" mid-stream, "I don't want to talk about X right now," respond negatively to being bossed, etc. -- using the same types of words/reactions as a peer would. If they can work out how to deal with those things in a safe environment with a parent or therapist, or in a social skills group, the hope is that they can use those skills to play more successfully with peers. 

Some of DD1's skills this year were working on successfully joining in play. So they worked with her on observing what the other kids were doing, asking, "What are you doing? Can I do X/be Y?" and then following through on that role.

Towards the end of the year as she got more sophisticated about it, she would look at kids on the rug doing various things, judge who was most likely to be receptive even if their activity wasn't her preferred one, and sometimes jump in with a compliment, "Benjamin, I like the squares that you're making with those shapes."  

 

changingnames

I like lite-brite's advice. We have also had good results with flipping the script on DS and sabotaging the play by refusing to do it as he wants it done. We have done a lot of ABA and worked with an ABA therapist- she has spent a lot of time working with him during play dates with classmates and his brother, as well as training me to do the same, and we have seen great progress. I don't know a ton about floor time but have seen it spoken highly of here. if i were you I would read up about floor time and aba practices and see what feels like a fit for your kiddo. If working with a pro (even for a few hours so they can train you) is an option then find out who is available in your area and find reviews from other parents.

changingnames

ONe more thing- we talk to DS about his experience playing with the kids- for example- how did your friend feel when you xyz'd? How would you feel if someone xyz'd you? The other day we were at an indoor play place and he cut in line and then sort of swatted a girl his age (she was with a big group of girls that came together). UNderstandably they didn't want to play with him after the cut/swat and he cried because he wanted to play with them. DH had a convo with him asking ds to tell DH the rules of waiting in line, asking ds to identify the peer's feelings in the situation- asking how he would have felt if the roles were reversed -why he cut/swat- what he hoped to get out of it ( go on the toy sooner?)and what alternative behaviors he could have in the future when in a similar situation- how to handle it when he does cut/swat (apologize etc) DS explained he didn't want to wait so DH brainstormed some ideas with him- he could have asked for a turn, what to do if they said no (you need to wait in line!) -if he didn't want to wait in line he could choose a different activity, come back to that toy later, etc. preparing him with appropriate alternative behaviors, creating social stories with lots of pictures and going over them right before the playdate, talking about how the play date will go when we are on the way there
sorry for the lack of editing and formatting- Ipad hth