Toddlers: 24 Months+

Help please, 3 yr 2 mo and won't potty train

Please help... I have a dd who is over 3 years old and won't potty train... This is what I already tried:

1) brought and read a number of potty training books to dd (children ones)

2) brought and watched the Elmo potty training DVD

3) told her she could have ice cream every time she goes to the potty (she has not had ice cream since I have told her) her favorite food

4) she was in dance class and we pulled her bc she was not trained and she loved it. You ask her how do you go back to dance class, she says go on the potty

5) kept her naked and putting her on the potty every 15 min, she would sit and hold it until she got up and peed in the floor

6) we just put underwear on her and she just peed like in no.5 

 - both time without the diaper she held her bm and got constipated so we had to out the diaper back on

7) she had a younger brother that we have put his potty out and put him on the potty both with his clothes on and without to show he was getting potty trained

8) I also tried putting her on the potty and reading to her and encouraging her to go on the potty and waiting until she went to get her off. She got up tinkled a little bit like a drop, put her back on and she went a tiny amount, put her diaper on bc she yelled and cried that I did not want this to be a negative experience, within 30 min the diaper was filled like a morning diaper 

I feel like so defeated and I don't know what else to do, I have read the three day potty training book.

 

any other ideas that I have yet not tried?

thanks 

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Re: Help please, 3 yr 2 mo and won't potty train

  • I think when you made her stop going to an enjoyable activity because she wouldn't go in the potty you put way too much pressure on her and it backfired. You can't use toilet training as a threat. 

    Just because you are ready for her to train doesn't mean she is. With all that's failed she's not ready.  

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  • imageKC_13:

    I think when you made her stop going to an enjoyable activity because she wouldn't go in the potty you put way too much pressure on her and it backfired. You can't use toilet training as a threat. 

    Just because you are ready for her to train doesn't mean she is. With all that's failed she's not ready.  

    i guess I am afraid because of her age, she can't go to pre school this year because she is not potty trained, is it going to be the same next year when she really has to go to school at the age of 4 

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  • imageSept1799:
    imageKC_13:

    I think when you made her stop going to an enjoyable activity because she wouldn't go in the potty you put way too much pressure on her and it backfired. You can't use toilet training as a threat. 

    Just because you are ready for her to train doesn't mean she is. With all that's failed she's not ready.  

    i guess I am afraid because of her age, she can't go to pre school this year because she is not potty trained, is it going to be the same next year when she really has to go to school at the age of 4 

    school doesn't start until September. Just because she's not ready today doesn't mean she will not be ready in another 2 months. Also some preschools allow mid year enrollment so you could start her in January which is six months from now.

    I think you're going to have to leave her alone about it for a bit and earn her trust back. More importantly give her back the things like dance and ice cream you used as threats. I have no clue who gave you that horrible idea but it likely did more harm than good.  

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  • imageKC_13:
    imageSept1799:
    imageKC_13:

    I think when you made her stop going to an enjoyable activity because she wouldn't go in the potty you put way too much pressure on her and it backfired. You can't use toilet training as a threat. 

    Just because you are ready for her to train doesn't mean she is. With all that's failed she's not ready.  

    i guess I am afraid because of her age, she can't go to pre school this year because she is not potty trained, is it going to be the same next year when she really has to go to school at the age of 4 

    school doesn't start until September. Just because she's not ready today doesn't mean she will not be ready in another 2 months. Also some preschools allow mid year enrollment so you could start her in January which is six months from now.

    I think you're going to have to leave her alone about it for a bit and earn her trust back. More importantly give her back the things like dance and ice cream you used as threats. I have no clue who gave you that horrible idea but it likely did more harm than good.  

    i thought you are supposed to bribe them with foods they like... I never done this and don't know what I am doing apparently ... Uggg.... So frustrated  

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  • imageKC_13:
    imageSept1799:
    imageKC_13:

    I think when you made her stop going to an enjoyable activity because she wouldn't go in the potty you put way too much pressure on her and it backfired. You can't use toilet training as a threat. 

    Just because you are ready for her to train doesn't mean she is. With all that's failed she's not ready.  

    i guess I am afraid because of her age, she can't go to pre school this year because she is not potty trained, is it going to be the same next year when she really has to go to school at the age of 4 

    school doesn't start until September. Just because she's not ready today doesn't mean she will not be ready in another 2 months. Also some preschools allow mid year enrollment so you could start her in January which is six months from now.

    I think you're going to have to leave her alone about it for a bit and earn her trust back. More importantly give her back the things like dance and ice cream you used as threats. I have no clue who gave you that horrible idea but it likely did more harm than good.  

    i thought you are supposed to bribe them with foods they like... I never done this and don't know what I am doing apparently ... Uggg.... So frustrated  

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  • imageSept1799:
    imageKC_13:
    imageSept1799:
    imageKC_13:

    I think when you made her stop going to an enjoyable activity because she wouldn't go in the potty you put way too much pressure on her and it backfired. You can't use toilet training as a threat. 

    Just because you are ready for her to train doesn't mean she is. With all that's failed she's not ready.  

    i guess I am afraid because of her age, she can't go to pre school this year because she is not potty trained, is it going to be the same next year when she really has to go to school at the age of 4 

    school doesn't start until September. Just because she's not ready today doesn't mean she will not be ready in another 2 months. Also some preschools allow mid year enrollment so you could start her in January which is six months from now.

    I think you're going to have to leave her alone about it for a bit and earn her trust back. More importantly give her back the things like dance and ice cream you used as threats. I have no clue who gave you that horrible idea but it likely did more harm than good.  

    i thought you are supposed to bribe them with foods they like... I never done this and don't know what I am doing apparently ... Uggg.... So frustrated  

    yes, you can use incentives for going like a sticker chart or snack but you don't take enjoyable things away from them. 

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  • So I wouldn't do anything or talk about potty training for the next month or so. Give her ice cream and dance lessons. Then in a month put a potty in the playroom and have her run around naked. Mention that it is now her job to go pee pee in the potty. Don't force her to sit on the potty and don't remind her to go. If she has an accident have her help clean it up, but don't scold her. And praise her like crazy if she goes in the potty, maybe give her a m and m. GL, she sounds very strong willed.
  • Have you tried the 3 day method? It worked great for us!!
  • imageSept1799:
    imageKC_13:
    imageSept1799:
    imageKC_13:

    I think when you made her stop going to an enjoyable activity because she wouldn't go in the potty you put way too much pressure on her and it backfired. You can't use toilet training as a threat. 

    Just because you are ready for her to train doesn't mean she is. With all that's failed she's not ready.  

    i guess I am afraid because of her age, she can't go to pre school this year because she is not potty trained, is it going to be the same next year when she really has to go to school at the age of 4 

    school doesn't start until September. Just because she's not ready today doesn't mean she will not be ready in another 2 months. Also some preschools allow mid year enrollment so you could start her in January which is six months from now.

    I think you're going to have to leave her alone about it for a bit and earn her trust back. More importantly give her back the things like dance and ice cream you used as threats. I have no clue who gave you that horrible idea but it likely did more harm than good.  

    i thought you are supposed to bribe them with foods they like... I never done this and don't know what I am doing apparently ... Uggg.... So frustrated  


    There's a difference between bribing and rewarding. Don't punish a new potty trainer!

    1. Go bare bottom and expect accidents.
    2. Do you have to go to the potty every 15 minutes? No. Neither does your child. Don't make PTing seem boring, or like a punishment.
    3. Find her "currency:" stickers, MMs, jelly beans, saving up for a big toy.
    4. Try to relax. If you are super stressed about it, your child is going to pick up on that and the whole process will seem worse.
    image
    image

  • We did an altered version of the 3 day method. I agree that you should take a solid month off from potty-training. Just don't even mention it and give her time to reset.

    Some of the keys things I learned are that toddlers like to feel like they have control, and positive feedback goes a long way. Negative feedback is just frustrating for everyone involved.  Trust me, I know it's hard to pretend to be positive when you're cleaning up after so many accidents.

    Saying "Don't forget to tell Mommy when you need to go potty"

    "Remember to keep your big boys/girl underwear dry"

    Quiz them -- "Are your underwear still dry (when you know they're dry)?" then lots of praise. "Where do we pee?" "Potty!"

    After an accident, "remember, we pee in the potty. We don't want to make our big boy/girl underwear yucky. Lets pee in the potty next time. OK?"

  • I tried with DD at 25 months because she was physically ready even though she had not really shown any interest in the potty and had never peed n it even once. Big fail. She does not like to be told what todo. I quit after 1.5 days because she was not only holding her pee but also poop and at that point she had not pooped for almost 4 days.

    i quit talking about the potty all together but gave her lots of naked time. The only time in a diaper was at nap or if we went somewhere (it was summer so most of the time we were outside). She had very few accidents and usually waited until she had a diaper. I did start throwing her poop in the potty each time she pooped and she "helped" me. I would also say where does pee and poop go. "Potty". Other than that I didn't mention the potty at all. One month later, while on vacation and naked, I just kept saying, if you need to pee ask mommy for a diaper or go sit on the (travel) potty. A couple of days before we left she decided to pee and poop on the potty and that was it. No stress or anything and very few acidents.  She was in panties fulltime from the get go and after two weeks she wanted to ditch the night time diaper (she had been waking up dry for 95% of the time for some time at that point).It was all on her terms (and that is the kind of girl she is with anything she does, waiting until she is ready and feels confident that she can do it right front the start. This includes crawling and walking). I also didn't need any treats/bribes at that point. We tried those the first time and she did not care about them at all (and she loves M&M and stickers).

     Give it a rest, let her be naked and see how she does. Put the ball in her court. I think the taking fun things away is back firing. Nothing wrong with rewards but withholding stuff does not seem like a good idea. She will win the potty battle for sure if you do that. 

    Good luck.

     

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  • just wait until she is ready, she clearly isn't
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  • I started with DD who is about the same age on Friday. I used a bit the 3 day method. So that really does not involve sitting at specific intervals or anything. I think the focus is really on getting them to understand what the feeling is and what to do. I put her in panties and showed her how pretty they were and told her we had to keep them dry. Then I literally started saying to her every 10 seconds 'tell Mommy when the pee pee is coming'. I had to stick to her like glue which is tough with a DS the same age. When she would start to go or go I would run her to the potty and have her sit. The morning was horrendous - she peed all over. In the afternoon after the nap we started again this time she went but she told me as it was coming so she was a little late. But after that she kind of got the concept. Not to say we don't have accidents but I just continually ask her to tell me when she has to go. She's having less accidents every day. Yesterday she had one and pooped for the first time on the potty. So definitely progress but it is slow.

    Good luck - it is pretty difficult. It's certainly not done in 3 days but we are making progress slowly. I think the key is really as they're going or shortly after rushing them to the potty.

  • I agree w/ forget about it for a month and try again without pressure.

    Different kids are motivated by different stuff.  M&Ms meant nothing to DS; he just didn't care if he got any or not.  What worked was a sticker chart that he filled up to earn specific stuff.  The first chart, I think he got a new engine for his tracks.  The next chart was for wearing underwear to school.  He got new Lightning McQueen underwear after that week.  I think we did a third chart; I don't remember what he earned but by the end of that week it was pretty much habit, and we stopped doing stickers.

     

    DS born 8/8/09 and DD born 6/12/12.
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