If your son resisted poop PTing close to or around age 4...

groovygrl

Please give me encouragement! My husband is getting so frustrated, every time we see a light and he poops on the potty a couple times over the course of a few days, it goes backwards again...while we are working a lot on the foods he eats, water intake & incorporating some miralax to help decrease hard poops (He has a history of harder poops though has generally been pretty regular in going every day and not much in the way of straining), he will tell us straight out that he just doesn't like to go poop on the potty, he doesnt want to stop what he's doing, etc. We know he 'can' hold it b/c he rarely has a poop accident at daycare or if we're out doing something (e.g. zoo, museum, playing at a friend's, etc) but he has them constantly at home and really does not seem to care a bit. We have had so many talks about it, tried really hard to offer rewards, celebrate, not push him, etc (though I cannot lie that we do occasionally get pretty frustrated and verbalize that, like on days when there are like 3 poop accidents consecutively and especially if we ask him if he needs to go and he insists he does not but then goes in his pants literally 5 minutes later). He yes's us to death- I am going to try tomorrow, I will sit on the potty tomorrow, yes yes yes. I was concerned about encopresis and that maybe he couldn't feel it when he had to go, etc but he will tell us much of the time that he did feel it and just didn't want to go to the potty.

I keep telling myself he will come around, he is not 4 yet (August), some boys take a long time and he has always been less interested in self care type things (hates/hated using utensils, could care less about dressing/undressing, even though he can do these things, he just chooses not to unless he feels like it)...but I could use some encouragement if anyone has any.

stever

I have no advice but wanted to let you know that, sadly, you're not alone. DS turns 4 this month and he still poops in his pants a few times a week and pees in his pants all. the. time.

He generally does okay with the rest of the self care stuff you mentioned but he is being unbearably stubborn about the p/t'ing thing.

I'm trying not to get too freaked out about him reaching the "4 y.o. who still wears a diaper" milestone, but it's there. I am anxious about it.

Fingers crossed both our boys pull it together soon! 

Mrs.RockyM

We were told that kids are less likely to use the potty if there's any sort of straining or difficulty pooping.  When we were training DD1, we made sure she was constantly on miralax, or had prunes regularly. 

starshine1977

-auntie-:

I could have written your post. By age 4, soiling is an issue developmentally.

If he's able to poop when he's alone and control it while out, he's trained. He's choosing not to use the potty. Encopresis typically results in smears that seem more like diarrhea than "holding".

What DS's pedi suggested was giving him ownership. His job is to get the poop in the potty and keep his clothes clean. He screws up? He fixes it. He dumped the poop in the toilet, he rinses out his soiled undies, he gets himself cleaned up and redressed. DS tested me once and my mother once and was trained.

I totally agree with Auntie on this. This is what we do at our preschool. If they have an accident, we put them in the bathroom with their clean clothes and a plastic bag for the wet ones. (Mind you I teach in a room of 3-5 year olds)

They get sick of cleaning themselves up and changing their own clothes really fast. 

groovygrl

Love the cleaning himself up idea (though not looking forward to the resistance and crying/whining when that occurs...) and also will try that probiotic, thanks! Eta saw it on amazon, the infant one is the only one I see in powder, ot capsule, is that right?

groovygrl

KateB1984:

groovygrl:

Love the cleaning himself up idea (though not looking forward to the resistance and crying/whining when that occurs...) and also will try that probiotic, thanks! Eta saw it on amazon, the infant one is the only one I see in powder, ot capsule, is that right?

I just checked and it says 0-5 so yes, that's right. I'm in Canada so our labeling must be different.

When he's older, if you need them (they're great for anyone on antibiotics too!), you can just open the capsules. The capsules are just the powder inside a capsule, so you can still pop them open and dissolve the powder in a liquid.

Thanks- I was thinking of doing that anyway if the dosing was different... I currently give them a chewable probiotic for kids when they're on antibiotics or having diarrhea and they LOVE them...so I'm wondering if I should stick w/ those and just give every day b/c I am struggling to get him to drink the miralax in the water so I anticipate the same w/ a powdered probiotic... hm.

I proposed the clean up thing to MH and he said he wasn't sure if he was ready to go there yet...I think b/c it will just throw one more argument in the mix, as DS hates cleaning up anything, let alone his own poop & dealing w/ the logistics of how that would all work. I'm ready for it though, I think this weekend...

groovygrl

MrsPM:

KateB1984:

groovygrl:

Love the cleaning himself up idea (though not looking forward to the resistance and crying/whining when that occurs...) and also will try that probiotic, thanks! Eta saw it on amazon, the infant one is the only one I see in powder, ot capsule, is that right?

I just checked and it says 0-5 so yes, that's right. I'm in Canada so our labeling must be different.

When he's older, if you need them (they're great for anyone on antibiotics too!), you can just open the capsules. The capsules are just the powder inside a capsule, so you can still pop them open and dissolve the powder in a liquid.

Two things. 

1) They make probiotics in the gummy vitamin form!  We give DS that regularly.

2) We're going through something similar. DS is 3.5 years old and will not tell me he has to go to the potty (for poop and pee).  He can hold it.  I can keep him dry by taking him regularly to the bathroom, but if I forget one time he'll go in his diaper.  He says he doesn't know why he does that. 

I may try the clean it up yourself method, but I'm very nervous about the whining/crying, like you. 

 

Thanks! I generally avoid gummy anything but if I have trouble w/ the others will def check out!!!  

Good to hear from others that I'm not alone on this resistance and struggle... argh!

groovygrl

-auntie-:

MrsPM:

2) We're going through something similar. DS is 3.5 years old and will not tell me he has to go to the potty (for poop and pee).  He can hold it.  I can keep him dry by taking him regularly to the bathroom, but if I forget one time he'll go in his diaper.  He says he doesn't know why he does that. 

I may try the clean it up yourself method, but I'm very nervous about the whining/crying, like you. 

 

Why is he wearing a diaper? A diaper removes the consequences of his behavior. If he sharts or pees and needs to be removed from his DVD or toys to bathe, dress and do laundry pre-treatment he will feel the consequence of not doing the right thing and will be more likely to make a better choice next time.

If a child is routinely soiling while distracted by a specific toy or activity, it's OK to make that "go away" until PTing is complete or to use it as an inducement to do the right thing. 

I'm not sure about the other poster but we've been in underwear since October...but in recent months the poop cleanup has become so frustrating for us that we are more apt to put a diaper or pullup on him at the end of the day if he has had a poop accident once b/c there are almost almost 1-2 more before bedtime (he'll insist there is no more but then soil the next pair of underwear 15 min later)... it's just frustrating b/c we haven't found a good way of dealing with it though the clean yourself up method is definitely a new strategy where I wouldn't resort to the pullup/diaper so maybe the other poster is in the same boat.

Kitten80

Just wanted to tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I am due with baby 3 at the end of the month and had begun to think I would have 3 in diapers (eeks). Anyhow, one day DS (about 2 weeks before he turned 4) said "I am going to be pottied trained".  I told him that was great, daddy would be so excited if we surprised him (Daddy was on a all week business trip).  He was pee trained that day (although he has been able to pee on the potty when he wanted and often chose to since he was less than 2).  He had 1 poop accident and then was trained at home, had 1 accident at grandma's and then was good there, and 2 weeks later will ask if we are out and he has to go.  He did have a couple days where he would sit and try and just didn't seem to be able to figure it out and ended up constipated.  We did a suppository and then I made him sit on the potty (he wanted a diaper) - after that he did better on the potty and after about a week he seemed to get it and will go in by himself and just calls us for help wiping.

What seemed to help:

1.  I just refused to make this one of our power struggles BUT

2.  I would talk about his friends that are potty trained and all the things he will be able to do when he is (preschool, cool programs in town, friends house without mom, whatever happened to come up)  and kind of made it his idea

3.  When he mentioned being potty trained, I went with it even though I was very sick, DH was out of town, I was 8 months pregnant, and had a ton going on that week.  I knew I had to do it when it was his idea and he was excited.

4.  Finally, he loves to help me cook and loves sweets.  So when he pooped on the potty the first (2 times, as it turned out because he did several months ago and then couldn't figure it out again/refused so we waited a couple months and then tried again) time he got to make a "poopy cake" to celebrate and decorate it with his choice of frosting/sprinkles.  This was a huge motivator for him and he took a lot of pride in making it and sharing it with all of us.

GL!

NewMrs07

My son is pretty much potty trained but when he's constipated he holds it and refuses to use the potty until it's too late. I think using Miralax is a good idea if you think he might be constipated. Good luck!

NewMrs07

And it helps to completely stop using pull ups or diapers. If they know they have a diaper on they will just go in it, it's easier. Especially boys. Mine had a few accidents the first 2 weeks with no diaper (just underwear on) but he finally got it. Keeping diapers on just prolongs the process. Cold turkey is the way to go

groovygrl

Thanks...we actually went cold turkey except sleep times since October. He used ot be really regular w/ poop times, usually after bfast adn before bed... I dealt w/ the post-bfast accidents ok but in recent months it has gotten so much worse & I think it is b/c of constipation & him holding it all day at school (which is good & bad I guess) so now the accidents happen all the time and often in underwear so it doesnt really seem to matter. To be honest, I wouldn't care that much if he would ask for a diaper/pull up to go in, as at least it would indicate that he knows it is coming & he doesnt want to do it in his underwear but he doesn't, he just goes in his underwear & sometimes won't even tell us and then fights us on trying to clean him up. He constantly tells us he 'doesnt want to' go on the potty.

I have been trying the clean yourself/underwear up. He doesnt seem to mind or care. Follows me to the laundry room and stands there & holds it under the water to rinse, etc. Also tried miralax every day. Struggled to get him to drink a lot of it, but he would drink some but then we ended up one night w/ diarrhea and cramping & I don't know if it was from the miralax so I backed off on it (I really wasnt using that much, a little less than half a cap in acup of water & he would rarely drink the whole thing) so I dont think that was it but I don't know. I've been giving probiotics every day too and making him eat fruit before his other bfast foods and fruit at other meals...veggies are much harder. made some bran muffins (he won't eat cold or hot cereal) to get some fiber in him and I need to start making some meals taht incorporate veggies mixed in since there are very few he'll eat solo... Rewards are not working either.

Argh. MH is wanting to 'punish' him when he has an accident (e.g. take something away or no sweet after dinner, etc.) and I have shown him many things that advise against that so he has backed off...I told him to maybe call hte pedi & talk to her himself & maybe that would help him get less upset....taking it one day at a time)