MIL is stressing me out! Rant
elm005
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mobile: MIL is stressing me out! Rant
My MIL is going to be the death of me! My DH talked to her yesterday and her words of wisdom were to not let me get too fat because "WE" only want a 7lb baby. (I have only gained about 12 lbs which I think is pretty good) Then she asked DH if it was going to stress me out if she stayed with us for a FEW weeks before and after the baby is born. She recently bought a house close to us but has no furniture here yet. She is moving from several states away. I think the next three months is the perfect opportunity to buy some damn furniture! Oh and then my husband asks me today if I think I will get Postpartum Depression, which I am sure she put in his head.
Then tonight she calls and asks how the little guy is doing. So I tell her that he is a very busy guy and has been moving all day. She then proceeds to tell me that he must be stressed out and she hopes he doesn't cause my water to break. UGH! I already asked my dr at my last appt. if there is anything such as too much movement and she assured me that there is not. He is just a busy little guy. I really hope I have the strength to keep from saying or doing something that I will regret later.
End Rant!
Any tips on dealing with crazy MIL's?
Re: MIL is stressing me out! Rant
Second advice would be to ask your DH if he can talk her into being a little less wow factor in her conversation and let him know it makes you concerned when you don't need to be. Hopefully he can just ask and it will stop? It sounds like she may not realize that she is upsetting you and probably isn't doing it intentionally.
Sorry you're dealing with someone who seems to be lacking boundaries and/or doesn't know when to STFU.
How does your husband react to the comments his mother is making? Does he know that you find them annoying/upsetting? If so, how does he react to how you are feeling?
I don't know how comfortable you are with being direct with her, but it may be better to start sooner rather than later by laying down certain expectations or boundaries that you have. If you're not cool with her crashing at your place for a few weeks (there's no way this would fly in my household!), and if your husband isn't willing to tell her no, you may want to start drafting the email in which you calmly and tactfully explain to her why she won't be staying with you all for a few weeks.
Maybe I just have my cranky pants on tonight, but I can't even fathom why someone would think this is okay. Especially when, as you pointed out, she has ample time to secure at least a minimum amount of furniture.
Good luck to you! I'd be having a really hard time not saying exactly what I'm thinking in response to ignorant comments about your weight and baby's activity level.
Thank you for your support! First of all I would like to say that although he drives me crazy sometimes, DH is really pretty phenomenal. He is, however, hesitant to stand up to his mom when it comes to her being pushy. She is a NICU nurse and thinks she knows everything about everything baby. Which just annoys me. I would understand if I were a 16 year old kid but I am a 36 year old woman.
My biggest issue is that we live several states away from all of our family and she will be the only person here to help me if I need it. DH works out of state during the week. That being said, I had already talked to DH a month ago and we agreed she needed to get her house set up before the baby arrives because I expect my family to visit when the baby is born. We will need our spare rooms for them. She agreed at the time. Now all of a sudden she has decided that she is going to stay here. NOT gonna HAPPEN! She is not officially moving until the end of the year. I will be as nice as I can about it. But with or without DH's help, we will establish this with her sooner rather than later.
Suggestions for dealing with the moving thing:
1. Kill her with kindness. As you discuss with her these things... don't let her back you into a corner. keep insisting (but nicely) how you're so happy with x, y, and z
2. Remind her that you are so thankful she is moving here and how its so awesome that you won't have to put your family in a hotel!
3. Ask er if there's anything you can do to help make the move in easier, suggest having her furniture delivered ahead of time, you can totally be there and sign for it if necessary! And if she wants to paint or anything before, offer to babysit the contractors! Be happy, helpful and remind her that all that will be missing to turn her house into a home will be the love she brings with her!
4. See if there's anything else you can do to help her get the furniture (i.e. find local discount places, offer for her to spend a few days at your house now so you can get her vision on the house so you can tell the delivery men where to put it