I feel like a leper
averettgirl
member
I will be 27 weeks tomorrow. Right now I'm feeling a whirlwind of emotions. My hubby and I were at a store yesterday looking at baby furniture and whatnot for the registry and it really hit home. I'm going to be a mom to a helpless beautiful little girl who will be looking to me to comfort her and tend all her needs and I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going to let her down. I have a 9 year old autistic stepson who is beyond a handful. He doesn't talk except to mimic what you say, he's not potty trained at all, he's an explosion of energy 24 hours a day, medication barely controls his behavior and I'm scared to death how he's going to react to a newborn baby who will need even more constant supervision than he does. He's constantly vying for his dads attention and if he doesn't get it, he does all manner of wild and/or dangerous things to get it, which will go over really well when my husband is carrying around a newborn.
Aside from that, I'm trying my best to keep my BP down so I don't have to take medication because my OB has already warned me that he hasn't taken the labetalol option off the table. My hemoglobin has dropped to 9.9 and I have no energy whatsoever. We got married in February and I'm still trying to financially recover from it so all of my bills are behind. I don't want to ask my husband to help because anything financial causes a huge blowout. I'm struggling dragging my exhausted a$$ into work everyday, tending to dementia patients who don't care if I'm pregnant or not, they will still curse at me or try to hit me, cough on me, etc, but that's nursing for you. I get 2 weekends off a month and I've spent this one crying my eyes out because my husband is upset with my b!tchiness and sleeping in another room.
Im just feeling like I'm out of control and I'm trying to keep it together for my baby. I don't really confide in people too much because I don't like to burden people. So with all this rolling around in my head, sure I get b!tchy at my husband. A lot. So he's mad at me frequently now. We're barely having sex. And today he called my mom and told her I'm angry all the time and he's sick of it so she calls me and scolds me for being mean to my husband and asks me what's wrong with me and I'm like what's the point? It's like she forgot what it's like to be a terrified FTM. I guess I painted myself into this corner.
Guess I needed to vent. Thanks for listening.
Re: I feel like a leper
This, to me, is the most concerning part of your post. Your husband shouldn't be dragging your mother into issues regarding your marriage; and your mother shouldn't be accepting the invite to interfere when he does.
Sounds like the two of you need to have some serious discussions and perhaps seek outside (ie: professional, not your mama) advice regarding your marriage and how best to integrate new baby into your stepson's life.
I hope things get better for you! Take it one day at a a time.
All of this exactly.
Yeah, I don't know what I'd do if DH called my mom to complain about me....
At this point, I don't think it would be too much to ask for any type of outside help; help with your marriage and with your stepson. Hormones are just going to get worse, and the lack of sleep once LO arrives will make things tense if you are keeping everything in. You need to take care of yourself and your marriage to be prepared for LO.
Good luck and let us know if you need anything!
That concerns me too because this is not the first time he's done it. He says he calls her so somebody knows "his side" of the story. Whatever. Counseling isn't really an option because he says if a couple needs counseling, the relationship is already dead. I have a weird husband. I'm going to have a heart to heart with him tonight and hope for the best.
Thank you for reading and responding to my long whiny post! :-)...I do need to stop holding all this inside and talk to him and I will. Not looking forward to that discussion but I will.
We are trying to get him SSI so we have access to a lot more services because child care with him is a major issue because of the behaviors and lack of potty training. If we could just him the proper therapy (which is so not happening in this school system) he would improve. There is a school for autistic children here but it's $50K a year which is obscene to me so I guess we are stuck with our local school system at this point. But I'll look into the day program, I hadn't thought about that. Thank you! :-)
Thank you! :-)