Cell Phone for SS

JessH1474

I'm normally a lurker, so I'll give you a little background info.  DH and I have been married for 10 years and  we have SS12, DD10 and DD5.  DH and I have been together since SS was 3 months old and we have him EOWE and summers/holidays. We have a decent relationship with BM, no major drama to report.

My SS has been on our cell phone plan for the last 2 years. It was our decision to purchase him the cell phone b/c BM wasn't the greatest about answering or returning phone calls when DH would try to contact my SS. We started off with just a basic phone to see how he'd do which only costs us $10.00/mo. He's eligible to upgrade and wants  a smartphone. This will increase our bill about $20/mo, so SS's plan being $30 total. DH and I thought we should ask BM if she would be willing to split the cost with us since this is something SS uses when he's at both houses and is also her primary way to contact SS as well.  Do you think that's an unreasonable thing to ask BM to do? My thinking is if we were the ONLY ones contacting SS on the cell phone, I would never think to even ask, but when she is using that as a source of communication just as much as we are, I think it's fair to ask that she pay half of the bill since it's going to be increasing. It would still work out cheaper than if she were to add him to her plan. I know to some of you $15/mo doesn't seem to be worth asking about, BUT I should also mention that my husband is paying double what he should be in child support and has been for the last year. We decided that we would not take BM back to court to continue with a decent co-parenting relationship. We also do all of the normal things like half of all extra curriculars, half of braces, medical, etc. Opinions?

Ginlyn0

You can ask, but don't expect it.

My thought is that I wouldn't ask for $15/mth and if you are going to complain about overpaying CS as the reason you can't afford that $15/mth then maybe you should go back and have it re-figured.

new+tothis

I think it is reasonable to ask but she could always say no.

Sunday924

I wouldn't ask. Are you going to ask his friends and grandparents to help too since they also use it to contact him?

If you are paying more than you should and $15 extra is too much then go back to court.  I think you should go back to court regardless. 

JessH1474

Thank you for your reply.  I am in no way complaining about the child support, continuing to pay what we are is something we decided to do and also included BM in our decision. With that being said, I would think that she would realize that since we are being more than fair in that situation, helping out with a joint expense for SS, expecially at $15/mo shouldn't be an issue at all.  We tend to do way more for BM than she wants to do for us, so this is also our way of trying to make her understand that things need to be fair for both parents.

MommyEllenSue

Why are you paying double the child support that is ordered? Stop giving BM more money and just pay what is ordered. Then that money can go to the extras like upgrading the cell phone and you won't have to worry about asking her for 15 a month.

JessH1474

We actually didn't realize we were paying double the amount we should until a few months ago.  DH modified the custody order and in doing so, we saw BM's financial affidavit.  We realized she was making almost triple what she was a year ago, while DH has had no raise at all.  Plus, childcare is currently factored into the cs payment and SS has not had childcare in over a year.  We know she's had that postition she's in now for a over a year, so we can only assume we've been paying more than we should for around a year now. As stupid as this probably sounds, we just didn't want to rock the boat with her. Things were going good and she was somewhat easy to deal with. As soon as she think she's going to lose some money, things change and she is just so difficult when there are schedule changes or anything not specifically spelled out in the court order (which is pretty specific thankfully). I know it seems really strange for me to talk about $15/mo when we're paying so much more in child support, but like I said it's not about what the amount is, it's just the fact that we felt since we're all benefiting from it, it should be a shared expense, no matter what the amount is.  Had she been the one to add SS to her plan, we would have offered to pay half right from the beginning b/c we would have felt that was the right thing to do, but that is just the way we are I guess.   

2chatter

The skids smart phones here SHOULD only cost that much, but after fees and taxes and data plan, texting, it's $100 per phone.

 How do you get the bill down to an amount that low?

 And to the original Q - how would asking for those funds be any different than the CS boat rocking?  IME, money is a fraught topic, no matter the amount.  I would go for the CS change and also the cell phone, but I am a very black and white person who refuses to be held captive by BM "boat rocking".  Not living in fear.

JessH1474

Oh wow, $100!  We have Verizon so we have the shared everything plan.  So it would be $10.00 for the extra line, $10.00 b/c it's a smartphone and then we'd have to up our data usage, so $10.00 extra for that.  The texting is unlimited.  I'm sure it will end up being a little more for his line per month after taxes, but it was just easier to give an even amount. 

Hopeforthebest

JessH1474:

Thank you for your reply.  I am in no way complaining about the child support, continuing to pay what we are is something we decided to do and also included BM in our decision. With that being said, I would think that she would realize that since we are being more than fair in that situation, helping out with a joint expense for SS, expecially at $15/mo shouldn't be an issue at all.  We tend to do way more for BM than she wants to do for us, so this is also our way of trying to make her understand that things need to be fair for both parents.

Couple things.

You aren't paying double CS if you have a CO that states the amount. You are paying the CO'd amount.

Go change the CO...and don't live in fear of rocking the boat. You are not a hostage to your circumstances.

Also, this bit  ...don't try to teach her any lessons. You are wasting your time. All she is seeing is $ signs. She is probably going  be pissed but oh well. Do the CS change and be done with it.

I

JessH1474

Thank you, and you are totally right about teaching her a lesson.  I just keep trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, and it just never goes as planned.   You guys are also right about the court order, we SHOULD have it changed and that way when expenses like these come up, it doesn't even cross our mind to involve her.  It's really nice to get opinions from other women in my situation, so thank you to everyone that replied!

Littlejen22

JessH1474:

Oh wow, 100!nbsp; We have Verizon so we have the shared everything plan.nbsp; So it would be 10.00 for the extra line, 10.00 b/c it's a smartphone and then we'd have to up our data usage, so 10.00 extra for that.nbsp; The texting is unlimited.nbsp; I'm sure it will end up being a little more for his line per month after taxes, but it was just easier to give an even amount.nbsp;

Have you checked that with Verizon that you do not need a seperate a smart phone data plan which is 30 for data plus 10 for the second line plus taxes?

Either way I would not get a 12yo a smart phone so I would not ask someone else to ask.

SimpleJane

JessH1474:

We actually didn't realize we were paying double the amount we should until a few months ago.nbsp; DH modified the custody order and in doing so, we saw BM's financial affidavit.nbsp; We realized she was making almost triple what she was a year ago, while DH has had no raise at all.nbsp; Plus, childcare is currently factored into the cs payment and SS has not had childcare in over a year.nbsp; We know she's had that postition she's in now for a over a year, so we can only assume we've been paying more than we should for around a year now. As stupid as this probably sounds, we just didn't want to rock the boat with her. Things were going good and she was somewhat easy to deal with. As soon as she think she's going to lose some money, things change and she is just so difficult when there are schedule changes or anything not specifically spelled out in the court order which is pretty specific thankfully. I know it seems really strange for me to talk about 15/mo when we're paying so much more in child support, but like I said it's not about what the amount is, it's just the fact that we felt since we're all benefiting from it, it should be a shared expense, no matter what the amount is.nbsp; Had she been the one to add SS to her plan, we would have offered to pay half right from the beginning b/c we would have felt that was thenbsp;right thing to do, but that is just the way we are I guess.nbsp; nbsp;

So you are actually paying what is court ordered for support, you just know you could go back to court and have it adjusted because circumstances have changed. Those are entirely different things.

And no I would not ask for 15 dollars per month

ldmessing

if the boy wants a smart phone, tell HIM to start mowing lawns, raking leaves, walking dog etc to pay for it himself.

hopanka

When posters start throwing in outrageous figures, like: she makes triple compared to a year ago, and we pay double CC, Im thinking BS. So, what kind od career change has she had in the last 12months since she is making THREE TIMES her previous salary? Cause, Im gonna follow suit and take advice from her. Also, if you pay TWICE the amount of cc and you are ok with it, you are likely not going to nickel and dime over 15. So, either you are not making sense or you are bending the facts to make your side of the argument look better.

Mrs.H.

12 yrs old and a smart phone?  I think that's young.   I'd make him wait till he is 16 and at that time he can get a job and pay for the difference between what you are paying now and what the increase would be.

 

JessH1474

Thank you everyone for the replies, wow some of you are pretty tough. I was trying to explain my situation so you would have something to base your opinion on, not so I could be told what I am saying is bs. Bm makes triple what she did a year ago bc a year ago she was a bank teller, now she is the branch manager, which comes with a nice salary increase. I'm sorry if I worded things incorrectly about the cs, but yes I meant that we could have went back a year ago and had the support adjusted. Again, it's not about the money it was just an attempt to make things fair between both parents considering she has no problem asking for things like this on a regular basis and we help with them since as I said before, that is the right thing to do.

Sigir

I've found that whenever I feel the ladies are being tough, I end up learning A LOT bc they are speaking the truth.

I agree w others regarding the phone... I don't think a 12 yr old needs a smart phone. He may really want it, but I would not want my dc to have one that young. Why get them to turn into an annoying teen attached to his phone 100 percent of the time, early? There is plenty of time for that.

I also agree w ppers that if he nags and nags about it, and you agree to it, let him earn the monthly difference. That is a great idea.

But your bigger issue is tiptoeing around the bm. I tiptoed around my exh for the first 3 years to try to make it easier, and it was a terrible decision. When I finally started standing up for my rights he was so used to getting his own way, he is a million times worse than ever. You guys can't make it work long term w that perspective. Just enforce the co, and she will become harder to deal w on things outside the co, but you shouldn't be doing things outside the co anyway. My situation is tense, and we follow the co to a t, but that's ok, that's what it's for. It's not personal. You've got to go back to court to adjust cs to what it should be.

What does your dh think?

HisChamaoleGirl

My thoughts on this, no matter who he contacts with this phone, is if you cant afford to pay the extra $30 for the upgraded plan YOU chose to have then DONT upgrade the phone. Leave the current plan at $10/month and save yourself some drama.

hopanka

Bank teller to a branch manager in a year, lol!