If You're 40 + ....

desertmouse39

... are you pregnant or considering another child?  I had my first one year ago (39 at conception and 40 at delivery) and I'll be 42 in December.  My husband and I would really like one more child, but the decision seems so fraught with difficulties!  Do we have the energy?  Will I need to become a SAHM?  Are the risks for fetal genetic difficulties really extraordinary?   Will I live through their adolescence as I approach 60?

I had a fairly easy pregnancy despite my AMA risks and a fibroid and our genetic testing all went very well/low risks.  Didn't do an amnio.  We conceived through IUI, due to issues with hubby's sperm.  I had as close to a natural birth as the hospital would allow, even though LO was 2 weeks late.

We don't live near any family, so we haven't really had the help or physical support of anyone else except during their visits.  I am worried that we rolled the dice and got so lucky on so many fronts that another conception/pregnancy/birth may not go so well - never mind that I'll be at least 42 when s/he is born.  Basically, I am scared about going through the whole experience again because I know it might be sooo much more challenging than the first.  Did you do it?  How was it?  I know we're all different and each pregnancy is unique, but I just want some input from others.  Most of my parenting friends are much younger than me, and my friends my age are not planning to have children.

We are also considering adoption.  I have worked in the adoption/foster care system for several years and know about the challenges that path can present, as well.  And, I could be 43 or older before an adoption is finalized so that doesn't do much for the age/energy factor!  Either way, seems like we need to make a decision sooner than later.  It would be great if our kids were only 2 or 3 years apart.

Thanks for any advice, thoughts, or experience you can share!   

KL777

I have at least three friends who had their second or third around age 42.  They are fine.  I say if you want to do it, go ahead! :-)

itsmevkb

I got pregnant with my fourth when I was 40 and had her when I was 41.  She wasn't 100% planned but we had always thought about having a fourth so she was a wonderful surprise.

The pregnancy did definitely wear me out but I'm uncertain if that was from my age or more from working full-time  and having three kids at home already.  I sometimes think about how old I'll be when my kids are graduating from college but you know, it is what it is.  In your case, I don't believe one or two more years makes a difference with regards to how old you'd be with your first vs your second.

We are going to be trying for a fifth maybe this fall or next year some time.  Because it will be with a frozen embryo from when I was 36, I don't have as many concerns with what if something is wrong with the baby, but I am a bit concerned with how my 42 or 43 year old body will handle yet another pregnancy.

I don't think I really answered your question but wish you the best of luck with your decision.

Scramblersmom

I can't help you or add anything helpful with this decision but I can say that I can understand where you are coming from. I had DS when I was 38 and I am now 40. Sometimes I think that it would be great for DS to have a sibling but other times I think that I can barely handle DS with my health conditions and age so there is no way I could tackle a 2nd kid right now. The daycare expense would prohibit it right at this moment anyway. I also had preeclampsia 7 days after DS was born and it scared the sh*t out of me. I always worry that things may be worse if I have another kid. On the other hand, many women have kids in their 40's and everything is just fine for them so why not?!

Familylife5

New here! But I am 40 and 19 weeks pregnant with 3. I have 2 boys 63. I will definitely say that this pregnancy seems harder but I also work FT and have very active boys. This pregnancy was not planned I was actually supposed to have a hysterectomy this summer but I'm so excited. And...it's a GIRL!

carmenlarue

Hi, i was 42 when i delivered my second. My DD is just turning 4. It wasnt a difficult pregnancy but I had a sinus issue the ENTIRE time! But its the best decision ever. I knew I could only do this one more time. My body couldnt take another pregnancy. Its def different having two and being older but I didnt want DD in the world by herself when we are older. I had a tubal done a few days ago to close this chapter. 

ive never been this happy in my whole life! I have a beautiful family! Do it!

robynlesley

I had my only when I was 39 and stopped because of a variety of reasons. Age being one of them. But I know a few ladies who had #2 (or 3 or 4) after 40 and have done quite well.

You know your body best. If you feel that you are up to a second, go for it! 

desertmouse39

Wow, thanks everyone for the support and the input!  I'm really feeling like I want to try, and figure out the difficulties along the way.  There is a really interesting article in the Atlantic (magazine) this month about fertility and although it's more about 35-40 range, still very thought provoking.  

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/

Anyways, we have an appointment with the specialist who helped us with IUI and our first, so I am at least going to move ahead with more questions and some planning!!

 Thanks again. 

Wipz

I had my first and only ( unless mother nature decides otherwise ) right before my 42nd birthday..  great pregnancy, relatively simple delivery without an Epi .. we were at 40+4 so I agreed to minimal Pitocin to kick things off because I really didn't want to induce.

Baby scored 100% on his tests in the hospital and is now 15 months old and has had one snotty nose and cough that didn't require any medications or Dr visits.  So age doesn't mean anything, it's all unique to your situation and personal health and wellbeing.

If you feel it's right for you..don't let age put you off.

gimmietimmies

If we only had one or two and planned on having more, then yeah, if I was over 40 then I wouldn't bat an eye. I have quite a few friends who started after 40, it isn't uncommon here. But I am not, not, and so not, having any more! I think my left eye is going to start twitching again if anyone IRL seriously or jokingly mentions trying for #6.

jdveatch

I am actually 46 and just had our first baby!  Married later in life and then took a few years to get pregnant.  This has been weighing heavily on my heart as I'm not sure if I want another one and like many of you, we have to decide quickly due to age!  (hubby would like a sibling for LO) My doctor said he'd let me go til 50!  Wowsa!  No thank you!  I read somewhere that if you have them close in age, you just tough it out & know it's going to be a really stressful time!  Hopefully we'll decide in the next few months.  It was good to read everyone's comments.

Ms.Sunny

Hello,
I am new to this app and a new mom to be. I am 42 years old and this is my first pregnancy. We are truly blessed to have this little miracle. Due date is December 13 th. Feeling pretty good having early jitters worried about going back to work after maternity leave is over and figuring out child care cost. At the end of the day everything will work itself out.

GHBEA

Had my 4th DD at age 43 she is perfectly healthy.  I did have Pre E and post E with her but none of that had any effect on her.  I had my 3rd DD at age 41 again no problems. 

NewMrs07

I had DS at 39 (took a year charting, using monitor, etc to concieve him naturallly, had an HSG 2 cycles prior so that probably helped), and I always wanted two children so we are not officially done (I just turned 43). BUT, it seems like I don't get pregnant easily (with my own eggs) so Mother Nature might have already decided that we are one and done. We are not using birth control so whatever happens happens. But we know that we won't do IVF so it's basically up to God if we have #2. I had a great pregnancy with DS and delivered him at exactly 40 weeks. It was about 13 hours from the time my water broke at home to the time he was born vaginally (with epidural (yay!) and episiotomy (boo!)). We have been blessed and not sure that will happen again or I will have a good pregnancy again. I definitely feel less energetic than a few years ago and even though it would be nice to add to our family, realistically and financially, it doesn't make 100% sense at my age, you know? But time will tell. It's a personal decision, good luck to everyone!

Crimmo

I am having my first baby the first week in December...turned 42 three weeks ago...I say go for it, age is only a number!!

2ndGeneration

 I am 42 and dh and I are TTC. We had a loss in May. We also have 5 kids ages 20-10.

 I think if you want another, you should just go for it! You already have a young one so it's not like a huge change in lifestyle-you are in baby mode already. It sounds like your first pregnancy went well so chances are so would another one.

 As for genetic issues-me personally, I do not worry much about it. They can happen at any age. As a friend said-statistics are only as good as the paper they are written on. Dh and I had chose that we were declining genetic screenings (only got to 10 weeks though). I declined those in my younger pregnancies also.

 Adolesence has not been horrible : ) I had three teens for awhile and shortly, will again. They actually can be a source of help LOL I haven't shoveled snow or washed my car in ages hahaha. That will be great when I'm 60!!!

 So, I say go for it!

chicagobride_07

I am 43 and had DD in June, it was a difficult high risk pregnancy complete with hospital bed rest and a c section under general. I love DD but don't think I could go through that again. We also have no family support close by, so likely one and done. We do have frozen embryos from IVF however so need to determine what to do with those.

KYPHILLY

I am doing it(for the last time). I will be 43 when baby muffin comes. Totally unplanned for us but still our blessing!!

babyhannah2013

I have been tossing around the idea of having another child recently too. I had my first baby girl at age 38. I'm now 39. It is great to see all the supportive posts!

Mumasatus

I am 47 and pregnant with my 6th child. I had number 4 at 40 and number 5 at 43.

Both were uncomplicated pregnancies and unmedicated water births.

I do have much less energy, but I am lucky to have 19 and 15 year old daughters who help A LOT.

justmartha

I am currently embarking on the same journey at 40 (41 in Feb) and have exactly the same fears and desires. I am scared, but I figure to give it my last go.  I am mostly scared of the C-section again, but also feel like I have forgotten what to do since it's been 4 years. I guess if we were celebrities like Halle Berry we would feel more secure since they get the best care, best nannies, and guaranteed perfect bodies after, but us ordinary women get the real experience.  I think, or would like to think we'll be ok.  Women do this all the time, so I figure we can. too.

kaggson

I have 3 boys. My oldest 2 are from my first marriage, they are 14 and 16. I married my now husband 5 years ago and after 4 losses, we finally had our son when I was 39. I am now 41 and just got a surprise bfp!! I'm in shock and scared. I know the risks and all we can do is hope and pray everything is ok. Go for it if it's what you want! Good luck to you

gopromum

I'm 43 and due in march. The statistics that can be given to you are staggering: we flagged for seemingly every anomaly from downs to heart defect via NF screening... Had an amnio and she was declared fine... But the fold issue stayed until 21 weeks & a cardiologist was assigned. We saw her heart and valves via cardiogram .. Again everything was working perfectly. Her dad is a mathematician and he has latently declared that he thinks stats are over-rated! Modern medicine relies so heavily on technology... (for all the right reasons), however, the data is scaled and never reflects YOU (age aside) or your past or lifestyle (obesity, drinking or smoking aside)... So if you are a fit, non drinker, non smoker but OLDER...all of the red flags will (still) rise and with staggering stats like 1 in 8 ... Which are truly terrifying when you are the recipient of the (news). In my experience, I embrace the medical communities collective knowledge - but the stats I loath! The fear evoked by these numbers was very unhealthy to me and the baby girl- as they resulted in stress, worry and sleepless nights while we waited, at times weeks, for outcome. The NF situation never did change and after all of the tests and scans they determined that it would simply sort itself out before her birth. I hope that my words can help you if you are going through the same scary situation - remember that each case is different and the statistics are for for (their) benefit in trying to make sense of unique (individual) situations-stats are always based on collective data and are not case specific. Be well!

Karen1024

Re parenting I have two theories:

1. Kids keep you young. (The second is don't let them outnumber you!)

There are a lot of moms our age so if you decide to go for it you def won't be alone.

ScorpioMum

I just had my 5th two weeks before my 42nd b-day. We also declined all the genetic testing as we had for the other pregnancies. This pregnancy wasn't any worse than my others. I gained less weight but still had morning sickness and a lovely 4 week long cough.

SkiHorse

We have two healthy little ones, both conceived and born when we were in our 40s.  I had two relatively uncomplicated pregnancies and no problems with childbirth.  I may not be quite as high-energy as I was in my 20s and 30s, but I'm fit and financially secure. You can never see the future in a crystal ball, but right now we're glad we decided to have kids after marrying in our late 30s and we feel blessed that parenthood was still possible for us!

rae_dylanzmom

We are due in Sept with our second, and I will be 41. My DH is the one who stressed more about being old (he's 50), so I tried to respect his reluctance until he came around.

Re testing, I am definitely interested in the Maternit21 et. al. testing that provides more reliable results without determining risk by age.

 

samiaf

I just had a baby in Dec.  I am 42.  It has been a hard recovery.  Pregnancy was completely uneventful and normal.  Just seems harder to get back to normal than it was last time when I was 38.  This was me, not saying it would be the same for you. I know 2 other people who had a baby at 42, and they are fine.  I would do it again, so do it if you both want it.

janmitsa

I am 46 and just found out I'm pregnant.... About 5 1/2 weeks. Scared to death with odds at my age.