Nbfr: is this rude?

Sigir

I had a friend at work that is a male. People used to call him my work husband but I shut that down bc I take stuff like that very seriously since I was cheated on myself and know how quickly things can progress in the work place. Now that person has left the company and texts me sometimes, always borderline inappropriate things like " I have my six pack back again". He also told me that his wife gets pissed that he texts me. I want no part in that type of drama and ignore him. I barely ever reply. I do like him, and he is not always borderline, but I don't like that behavior when it comes up.

He just texted me "hey babe what's up?" I am not his babe and am pissed! I want to reply "lose my number". Is that too rude though? Or not rude enough!?

I have enough friends I don't need this borderline inappropriate one. But I don't want to be rude when he is not always borderline.

CurlieWhirlie

I'm generally a pretty straightforward person, so I'd probably just tell him exactly why I didn't like his comment. You are absolutely right to shut it down, but if you're not clear with him about why, he might not get it, and that isn't helping him recognize what's wrong about his behavior. Think of this as a teaching moment! 

Sunday924

I would tell him that it is inappropriate and tell him not to txt you anymore.

 

KTdidit

Sunday924:

I would tell him that it is inappropriate and tell him not to txt you anymore.

 

This. At least give him the benefit of knowing why you don't want to talk to him anymore.

nattyncbride

First of all, big picture: I do think you need to stop talking to him. It's not that you are 'playing with fire' and are tempted by him, but I think he's tempted by you, or just really needs attention, and neither are good. It's not a good friendship if he's flirtatious or his wife is upset (I know that's on him, but still, I don't blame her).  

As for implementing it, I don't know how straight forward you are, but I think either never texting him back (even if he's not being inappropriate) or letting him know are both good options.  If I was him, and you never texted me back, and as an adult, I would know exactly why and I would deal with it (by not texting you anymore).  But if you do want to tell him why, that's great too.

I guess I'm in the camp of however you do it is fine.  I know you feel somewhat bad b/c he's not always inapprope, but he doesn't always have to be for you to peace him out. 

Ginlyn0

If you have the option, I would just block his number.

Hopeforthebest

My experience is that subtlety doesn't work.

Spell it out so he is crystal clear, no excuses for another opportunity of this happening again.

If it does, change numbers, block his number whatever it takes.

Littlejen22

If you don't care about burning bridges that is fine because he is overstepping. If you don't want to burn bridges then I would tell him that if he wants to be friends then innocent flirting ends, put the ball in his court.

Sigir

Wow. After posting here I decided to be more mature and told him to cut out the "babe" stuff bc it was bothering me. He responded "lighten up". !! So I did end up having to tell him to lose my number. He said "whatever".

I didn't expect that response frm him... I thought he'd care about my feelings but I guess I know his true motivations now, and they were def not in the right place!

Pamelacake

Hopeforthebest:

My experience is that subtlety doesn't work.

Spell it out so he is crystal clear, no excuses for another opportunity of this happening again.

If it does, change numbers, block his number whatever it takes.

Mine as well. Some people just don't get it and him texting you that his wife doesn't like it is just creepy.. like he is looking for your reaction on the situation.. whatever he thinks that might be

Wahoo

Good for you for standing up for yourself and not allowing yourself to be treated like that! 

ambrvan

I had a friend like that before, ok a lot of guy friends like that seeing as I was a fraternity server in college when I met DH. But the 'friend'truth who ended up being the biggest problem, I had to do him the exact same way. I never crossed the line, but was often inappropriate. I tried subtly, I tried straightforward. Nothing worked until I finally told him to just leave me alone. Our friendship was really hurting my DH, and I can't believe I let it go so long before telling him to screw off. We haven't spoken in years. It took a long time for DH to quit holding him against me, too. Sometimes I miss his friendship, but I miss the friendship the way it was when I was blissfully unaware of what were motives were and that he was a lowdown sleeze ball. I would never in a million years strike that friendship up again. It was weird because even though I never crossed a line and always told him to stop, I still felt guilty about not ending it sooner.

I think you handled this one exactly right.

Sigir

Thx everyone! About an hour later he sent another long text about thinking we were friends, and he would lose my number if that is what I really want. He is just too conflicted and his marriage is bad, so it's not a friend worth having. I'll see him again at trade shows bc he got a new job in the same field but nbd. I feel good about finally taking the issue on head on!