NBR: Taking your Partner's last name...

Manada

Hi Everyone,

 

This is totally not baby-related at all -- but I need you to talk me through it.   I know how to logistically change my surname to H's legally, that's no problem --- but functionally is proving to be an entirely different story!

 

I decided to take H's name for a variety of reasons - largely based in the idea that we want our whole family to have the same surname, our last names have a vary similar sound to them and hyphenating them sounds RIDICULOUS (imagine a Smither-Smythe type last name), and I'm happy to give up my birth surname....   

Easy enough to change on Facebook and on my ID, but the challenge I'm having is at work.  How do I make the transition?   Should I call up our tech-dept and ask them to change my email address from a(original)@work.com to a(mrs. H)@work.com?   How do I address all that material that's already got my other name on it?  Toss it out!  We need new brochures!

New business cards are coming already...  and for the moment I'm signing my emails Amanda (Original Name) ShinyNewSurname!   But it's onerous.

 

How did you handle it?   Any words of wisdom from those of you with experience?

KH826

I took my wife's last name after our wedding last year, and it was a tough transition. At work it took a while for people to realize I was me on email and not a new employee. I work for a wholly-owned subsidiary of a large company. We only have about 100 people in my office, but our parent company has about 45,000. In my position, I interface via email and phone with colleagues around the world at our parent company, and I had to explain many, many times that I recently got married and changed my name. I too did a parenthetical reference in my email sig for about 2 months after changing my name... I got new business cards right away, and a new name placard for my desk... I manage IT operations at my company, so physically changing my last name on my email address was actually the only easy part  

 I still have lots of things with my "old name" on it -- my college and grad school degrees hanging on the wall in my home office... My old name placard from work that I now have on my desk at home... In some ways my home office is a shrine to my maiden name HAHA 

 The legal and social aspects of changing my name weren't really super impactful to me, but professionally, it definitely felt like a transition. But now it has been just shy of a year and I am SO glad I did it. I still smile when we get mail addressed to my wife and I that read our two first names and our one last name... Like one unit (ex: Jane & Joan Smith) - I just love it. 

Anyway, sorry for the long response. This topic is one I relate too a lot! Best of luck & congrats again! .  

trisholio

I changed my last name when my wife and I got married in 2011.  Getting a new social security card, drivers license and all of that was actually the easy part.  We changed everything with our bank, ordered new checks and then the hard part started.  Using my new name, getting other people to use my new name and understand my new last name.  My wife had changed her last name as a teenager to her step dad's name because her mom pressured her into it at the time.  She wanted to go back to her birth name, so both of us actually changed our names at the time to her birth (maiden) name.  It has almost been two years and I swear I still run across stuff that has my maiden name on it.  

 I am so glad I changed my name, not only for our future family, but it makes us more "us".  To me and others it is a symbol that we are a legitimate couple, even if our marriage isn't recognized in my state.   

ATXmommas

What a timely post for me too... My wife and I are both in the process of changing our last names - we're taking the hybrid route.  Not hyphenating.  We're actually merging our two names together to make a new name.

shelly2314

When we married in 2012, I took my partner's last name. I moved my maiden name to replace my middle name. (Ex. Jane Erin Smith, now Jane Smith Wells). I am a teacher and a coach so it has been very difficult getting the students (and they are high school) to use my new last name (it doesn't help that I went from a very easy last name to something a bit more difficult to spell/pronounce).

When my email changed I just put my new last name and then in parenthesis added my old last name. It took my colleagues a few weeks but they got it. I still answer to my maiden name when students call me by it. Usually another student will correct them!

It was very easy to change for my social security card...my license was a whole different story. We live in Florida (and you know how tolerant they are) and faced some serious issues with bigotry (just because they could). The lady at the DMV actually said "the law says may accept, we don't have to" That was good times.  

As for new materials, I didn't toss anything out that had my old name on it. I just made reference to my new name in writing where necessary.

It takes a little time and some gentle reminders, but it will come around! Good luck and congrats! 

mollykelley

I'm also taking my wife's last name, but waiting until some of the major health stuff is processed by my insurance (like all of my bills from RE office). People keep telling me it is not that big of a deal, that people get married and change their names all the time, so I'm hoping the transition will go okay. My coworkers have told me that the biggest pain is our company's insurance, so that is why I am waiting a bit. All that being said, I definitely want the name change by the time our baby comes so we can have the same name on birth certificate.