Help- Daughter does not like nanny

sweetsunnyc

Hi All-

We do a nannny share with another family on tuesdays and wednesdays for my 5 year old daughter. For the past 2 weeks my daughter has been in summer camp for half days and the nanny (S) has been picking her up at noon. Today her summer camp teacher (who was also her pre k teacher) pulled my ex husband aside when he dropped our daughter off and let him know that our daughter has been telling her how much she hates going with S. She seemed concerned and wanted us to know- I am certain that it's not a serious matter of abuse or something, but I'm just not sure what to do here. How do I talk to my daughter about this and get to the bottom of what's going on? I need some advice. If it is simply a personality conflict and my kiddo doesn't like her, how do I handle it (we do have a contract with her until August) As a side note- this lady has excellent refrences, and the other family that she works with she has been with them for over 5 years. Help!

Iblamethebeer

I'd give it some time.  It may just be that the situation is new.

It may also be that your daughter feels like she's on a permanent playdate if she's at the other family's house, and those kids have a long term relationship with the nanny.

Do your daughter and the other kids mesh well?  It may be that the nanny is doing activities she's used to doing with the other family and they just aren't DD's kind of thing.  So maybe you need to tell her, like "DD isn't really into arts and crafts -- could you make sure you're also working outside time into the day?" or "DD usually needs some downtime in the afternoons after all the scheduled time at camp.  Could you build in some time for her to be in a quiet corner by herself and read books?" 

Maybe start by asking your daughter what she does with the nanny and see where the conversation goes from there...

 

hopefulmom81

I would just say something to your daughter like, "DD, I noticed you were acting a bit different when I picked you up from S's house...is there something you want to tell me?" 

Give her the chance to explain.  If it is something like she doesn't like the schedule or that S makes her stick to the rules and is strict, that is one thing.

If S is mean to her or ignores her or something, that is a totally different story and you might have your answer.

If it is a major personality conflict, I would find a new nanny.  I am not about running from conflict or anything, but I wouldn't want my daughter somewhere she felt uncomfortable at 5 years old.  I would give her the chance to explain. 

And, not to be overdramatic, but you really can't ever be certain about emotional or physical abuse, can you?  References or not.

kjenkins346

Also keep in mind that your daughter could "hate" going with S for a reason that has nothing to do with S.  It could just be that she has so much more fun at summer camp and doesn't want to leave but isn't thinking about/doesn't understand that summer camp is only 1/2 day regardless of where she goes afterwards.  

jf198400

kjenkins346:

Also keep in mind that your daughter could "hate" going with S for a reason that has nothing to do with S.  It could just be that she has so much more fun at summer camp and doesn't want to leave but isn't thinking about/doesn't understand that summer camp is only 1/2 day regardless of where she goes afterwards.  

I was thinking this too.  I would talk to your daughter about it and see what she says.

Mjmksb04

jf198400:

kjenkins346:

Also keep in mind that your daughter could "hate" going with S for a reason that has nothing to do with S.  It could just be that she has so much more fun at summer camp and doesn't want to leave but isn't thinking about/doesn't understand that summer camp is only 1/2 day regardless of where she goes afterwards.  

I was thinking this too.  I would talk to your daughter about it and see what she says.

Ditto this. About a year ago, we switched DS from being with a full time babysitter to being part time in an in home daycare and part time with his sitter, just so he could be exposed to more structure and kids to play with. He still has days where he says he does not want to go to daycare, wants to go to his babysitter's house and cries about it. I have questioned him to where I know nothing shady is going on at daycare, its just that he is more comfortable some days at his sitter's house. I would give it time. She may never completely warm up to the nanny because she is used to daycare, but if everything appears to be on the up and up, it may not be something you necessarily need to be concerne about.

sweetsunnyc

Thanks for all of the great advice-

I was able to talk with my daughter last night and ask a few leading questions that her teacher recommended- ie- What did you like about S's house today? 

 Basically, what we got to the bottom of is that S does not have any toys at her house (she's a 25 year old) and they watch a lot of TV. So really, she's just bored. S does do a lot of fun things- pool, movies, zoo etc, but when they are just home she doesn't like it.

I completely understand, but am happy to know that it's nothing more serious. We have decided that we will keep using her until August and then our contract is done. We are going to be out of town for 2 weeks in July anyways, so I think this is the best way to transition out and avoid any tension.