Tired of the over-exaggerations.

+just+j+

I should know this by now about XH. I'm seeing quite a bit more BS coming from him the past couple of days.

If his aunt is going in for routine maintenance of getting the battery on her pacemaker replaced...she's at death's door and may die.

If I have annoyance in my voice....I'm yelling at him.

If I raise my voice a little so I can be heard over him interrupting and talking over me.... I'm screaming.

If I dis-engage and quickly end a conversation that will quickly turn into a lecture by him or escalate into a real argument... I am teaching my daughter bad things. 

And never can he make a decision. He puts it all back on me. Every. Single. Time.  If I ask him when he wants me to drop off DD, he will say, "Well when do YOU want to drop off DD?"  I can't get a direct answer or decision from him. Ever. Wait. I did once, but wow that took a lot of repeating myself and just not committing myself to force him to decide.

No wonder I got so damn burnt out making all the decisions and taking care of everything.  And taking the blame.  Which is why he does this. Let J make the decisions and do it. That way if something goes wrong...it's her fault.

I also think he's trying to play me as the difficult ex wife in front of his girlfriend. Lately he has been saying things to me about my behavior or the situation at hand that don't make any damn sense and are inaccurate. I ignore it or I simply correct him if it's important, but heaven forbid I have a slight tone of annoyance!

He says that "we aren't married anymore, so you don't have to be a b*tch to me all the time."  And I'm not, he just doesn't like how direct and to the point I am anymore.  He has it in his head that now that we are divorced, that forgives all and I should just be friendly.

Whatever.

And don't get me started on how poor he likes to say he is and can't afford to do anything when it comes to DD, and then the very next week he brags how he's got a little money set back to splurge on her when she comes.

WTF?  The only thing I can figure out is his girlfriend is sitting there and he wants to show off and be the big guy standing up to his mean, b*tchy ex-wife.

I am a little b*tchy to him at times.  I almost have to be.  I wonder if his girlfriend knows he hit on me again this past week after I was being nice and not b*tchy.  Which is why I don't like to be too nice. When I am nice and let my guard down, he thinks that means he can flirt and win me back. Or take advantage and get something out of me.

Not going to happen!

I'm just sick of it.

No advice needed really, just venting so I don't unleash and engage in a stupidass argument with him because I really would like to give him a piece of my mind right now.

Breathe in.....breathe out....breathe in.....breathe out.....

 

+just+j+

And there is more.  XH just called. He wanted to talk to me. It's important.

He's told me that he's made his choice on who he wants to date seriously. Even though he just hit on me last week, even tho he's told me 3 times now in the last week that it's hard for me to tell me this and that he feels like he's cheating on me...he's chosen someone, and wants to know when we want to meet.

I tell him, "When you two move in together, that's when I will worry about it."

He says, "Well, it's going that direction."  He's serious about her, he thinks they'll be together a really long time, she's a lot like me, she cooks like me.

Um. Okay.  I wish she could hear this.

I let him talk. I'm curious about this woman who will soon be around my daughter a lot and this rapid move in a serious direction.  So what do I discover??

He said a couple days ago he has a laptop now - well,  it's really his girlfriend's.

Yesterday he says he bought a pool for DD - he must have forgot he said he bought one because tonite he said his girlfriend bought it for DD. "I want you to know that she's really nice and sweet to DD that way." 

This weekend he mentioned getting DD a swingset from someone who's kids are older and don't want it now. Guess where it's going?  His girlfriend's. 

He now is not worried about money. He's taking more days off from work.  Yup. He's found someone else to take care of him.  And she's stepping in and taking care of everything. She wants to cut DD's hair.  Isn't she nice?

Yes XH. It's nice that you have yet another gullible fool like me, falling for you BS and story and handling what YOU should be doing. Your girlfriend is providing. NOT YOU.

I better get used to this.  She won't be the last.  I hope for her sake she figures it out before she falls into bankruptcy and foreclosure too. 

Thank you for letting me vent here.  If I don't say it here, I will let loose on him. And we all know that is not what I should do.

+just+j+

wendilea:

He's putting on a show for the GF, I can almost guarantee it.  Dink tried that sh!t, and when I did actually go BSC on him, he hid her upstairs.  I remember saying "I hope she's close enough to hear this, because she deserves to know what an @sshole you are."  (He had been calling A all weekend, asking what we were doing, asking him if he wanted to come home, yelling at me and A because C got hurt playing catch with a baseball, etc.  Like a phone call every 20 minutes all weekend long.  It was a long time ago)

Anyway, just try to ignore his BS as much as possible.  I know it's hard. Just remember you're better off without him and you have such a bright future.

Yup. Pretty much.  I'm trying. I'm really, really trying. 

2chatter

Be prepared, when you  meet the helpful GF, for her to "enlighten you" about what your daughter likes, how she takes care of things, how great she is, and how much you suck.  Maybe it's because I am in the south, but exh's GFs (the two I have met) have both done this.  I didn't react/respond really, as I knew they were at best temporary.  But it only gets to be more of a circus from here!

+just+j+

Oh I expect that.  I fully expect XSD and XSS to portray me as the b*tchy ex SM too.  Don't care.    And I laugh at your from the South comment.  XSD's mom was very much like that toward me.  But I knew better.  I think she hated me simply because I didn't play her little game.

I am curious if she's ever had kids before.  He has not said either way, but did tell me the other girlfriend he was deciding on, did.  So I'm guessing they are either older, or she never has.  Which would make sense because her kids would mean more competition and distraction from his needs. 

From what I'm told, she seems very eager to be very attentive and doting on DD. No doubt to prove to XH what a wonderful partner she will be. I am SURE XH has given her the speech about how he needs a good woman who will look out for and be good to his daughter because of how oh so important she is to him.

But I know what will happen.  It's all fun playing house now, but she will get comfortable in the relationship and bored with it and she will not want to deal with my child.  She and XH will want their time and do their thing. 

I'm just shaking my head at how fast he's moving. But I shouldn't be surprised. He's a fast mover and a master manipulator. I'm sure she is caught up in a whirlwind romance with the charming cowboy who is telling her all the same things he told me.

I feel sorry for her. I hope she's smarter than I was.

 

+just+j+

He hasn't mentioned marriage yet.

He actually told me last night that he waited a long time for me to change my mind.  Half a year is a long time?

His also said last night, "I don't want to die alone".

His insecurity is incredible.   And two weeks ago when he picked up DD and was talking about the other girlfriend he wanted me to meet, and this girl who he thought was an alcoholic at that time (apparently that was a mis-understanding and she's not now), joked that he'll date ten women if he wants, and "May the best woman win".

The contradiction is amazing.

But why am I surprised?  His daughter does this. His son does this.  They are all alike. They hop, "fall madly in love" and take from one person after another.  When we dated, he did push things a little early, but I put the brakes on a lot. Still...I regret not taking even more time. Oh well. Water under the bridge.

I'll get over this. I'll deal. My head's just spinning a little from this news.

+just+j+

By the way - our rather quick divorce is a few days more than 3 months old. He moved out right before Thanksgiving of last year.  It hasn't been a year yet that I even asked for a divorce. Yeah. He waited sooooo long for me.

I know now, that I was just another sucker. Just another person that he could have take care of him. Just another way for him to survive and muddle thru his life.  He is SUCH a good game player.

It's all becoming so, so clear to me as time passes.  No doubt I made the right decision to end the marriage. No doubts.

 

+just+j+

Tif - this is not something I won't get over and lose sleep on.  And emailing him will only make the situation worse. He doesn't use email other than to read it and then call me.  I'm not going to force him to only communicate that way because you know damn well what will happen - I'll be communicating with the girlfriend. Not him.

I will never understand how people go thru life - or really believe they ever can effectively co-parent with the other parent  or even have any real meaningful relationship of any kind without talking and only doing it via email or text.  We as a society are not learning to deal with each other and hiding behind screens. I choose not to do that when it comes to raising my child and the consequences and frustration i will surely cope with because I choose to.

Does he piss me off? Yeah.  But it's on me to deal with that and I will.  I only have to co-parent with him for 15 more years. I think I can put my big girl panties on and have a discussion with him to learn more about this woman who will apparently be mothering my child.  I like to at least be aware for my child's sake.  Will it be frustrating? Yes. I'll deal. That's why I vent here.  So I don't say the things to him that I say here.