dealing with fertile myrtles (PGs mentioned, not mine)

sarah_beth2005

So I was at bookclub/wineclub last night, and I am one of only 2 members who doesn't have any children (the other just got married last year).  Somehow the conversation turned to contraception and how to prevent future pregnancies (one of the girls is pregnant with her 4th child (needed IUIs to have the first 2, but 3rd and 4th are very much "oops-a-babies" that just happened on their own, unplanned).  There was lots of talk about vasectomies and tube tying, and some of the new contraceptives....and the whole time, I'm thinking to myself, I would give anything to have just one child, and everyone in this room wants to be 100% sure they don't have any more.  Needless to say, I was pretty quiet most of the night.  Now, I know I've only told one of my bookclub friends about our IF struggle, but stilll.  It wasn't much fun being me last night.  All morning today I've been thinking whether there was something I could have said to my friends, but I keep coming up empty.  Any advice??

bplusr

I struggle with this stuff, too. It's SUPER hard. I experience that feeling regularly on Facebook. People get married, snap their fingers, and OMG we're pregnant! And, here I am four years later with only a miscarriage (and even that was a miracle to have happened) to show for it.

 I try to remind myself that there are probably many areas in life where I am insensitive simply because I haven't faced a particular battle. People who aren't infertile HAVE NO CLUE the pain and identity issues that come with this battle.  

Hang in there.  

  

scbedi

I am so sorry you went through that. It's so hard, in the moment, to come up with the perfect thing to say. I always think of it after.

Karamel_bp

VioletteGrayskies:

I find it helpful to remember that we all deserve to have control over our bodies and our pregnancies.  My grief over not being able to get pregnant is really the same thing as my friend's anxiety about getting accidentally pregnant.

This. It may be hard to deal with sometimes, but I just remember that once I do become pregnant I will want to talk about it and share my joy with others even my fellow IF members. Don't worry too much on it, because we all have those moments were we will like the fly in the room.

 

I hope it gets better for you. 

 

mmhopeful

Try not to think about the "what if's" and instead think about the reason you are all meeting up....the book!  Also, if you all gather and food is part of the night, perhaps recipe trading could be on the table as soemthing to share in addition to your love of the current book you are reading.  Not much help I know, but I try to look to what I CAN control, vs. what I can't.  Hang in there! 

supermorena

Such a hard thing to deal with. There are days when it's hard to go to work because everyone either already has older kids, just had a baby, or is pregnant right now. At one point there were 4 girls pregnant. Several of us got married at the same time, so I can't tell you how many times I hear "you're next!" or "don't all the babies make you want one too?" 

I try to remind myself that they don't mean to be hurtful and that I'm sure I've said something stupid to someone before I knew what it's like. Other than that: Smile, change the subject, and cry to your hubby when you get home!

sarah_beth2005

Thanks, ladies! 

Twinkie0612

VioletteGrayskies:

I find it helpful to remember that we all deserve to have control over our bodies and our pregnancies.  My grief over not being able to get pregnant is really the same thing as my friend's anxiety about getting accidentally pregnant.

This.

The topic of BC has never really been one that is difficult for me.  I usually have a harder time when women complain about their pregnancies/children, especially when it is someone who is knows about our IF.  Even then my reaction usually depends on if I am having a bad IF day.