I need help with my two year old.

godshope823@yahoo.com

I have tried so much and my patience is wavering. I have two children the youngest is two months. My oldest is adjusting well. I make time separate for her more than once a day and I include her in almost everything "little bubby" does. She's very loving of him and gentle. Now that that is out I really really need some help.

Even before Bub she has these fits. I tell her No or Stop doing _____, she says ooooh kay and stops for a second what ever it was she was doing and then starts back up again. I try to give her three strikes. I've even told her to trust mommy and I am consistent in discipline. When I put her in time out she sometimes pulls out clumps of her hair, or she will flop back and hit her head on the floor when I cant stop her, she bites though I almost have her broken of that. I've taken to putting her into her bed (She is still in the big crib because she freaks out completely in her toddler bed.) where I tell her, When you calm down and are willing to tell me why you are mad, I WILL come get you. I've tried the egg timer thing for the age.. 2 minutes.... does not work for her. What I get is anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half for absolute hell. I mean constant screams that have had the neighbors thinking to call the landlord and the police because we must be hurting our child. There is no description of how bad she gets. I have held her during these spells before and I get clawed and slapped and kicked until I let her go. My husband can hear her all the way down two flights of stairs when he comes home from work.

We have spanked and I DON'T want to do that. 

I'm going crazy my infant is getting no sleep and this is the 3rd set of neighbors to move out in 2.5 years. There is only a matter of time before we get kicked out of a place we have lived in for almost 7 years.

help. 

M&M227

I would recommend putting her in her crib (like your doing), walking away for a few minutes (2-3) then going back in.  It sounds like your kinda doing that.  Is she still attacking you after that?  At that point my DD will cry and want to hug me.  And then she will calm down.  

I would also try and avoid things that trigger the behavior (not always possible) but toddlers can't express themselves and can't understand really why they shouldn't do something (like I shouldn't play with knives because I'll cut myself and be hurt).  So we try and avoid some things I know will set her off.  Other things are unavoidable and we just deal with it as it comes. 

If your doing these things and she's still having these violent tantrums I might consider outside help (behavior therapy, early intervention, etc).  I only suggest this because I'm a special ed. teacher and have worked with LOs with some serious behaviors who really do need outside help - which is better to get earlier.   

rlyttle

Can I ask why you don't want to spank? I spank DS when he is out of control. I don't really do it much anymore, but I'm all for spanking. I know not everyone is. 

What about prizes for being good? We have a sticker board that DS loves!!  

kcisthebombdotcom

rlyttle:

Can I ask why you don't want to spank? I spank DS when he is out of control. I don't really do it much anymore, but I'm all for spanking. I know not everyone is. 

What about prizes for being good? We have a sticker board that DS loves!!  

please explain to me how spanking a child during a violent outburst is going to be in any way helpful. All it would do would be to encourage hitting while angry which is the total opposite of what you want.

op-this seems like behavior above and beyond a "normal" two year old tantrum. I would call my pedi and look into getting her evaluated. 

AZ123

Spanking a 2.5 year old is pointless and frankly, doesn't give them much respect and understanding for you because you're telling them not to hit, throw their heads back, bite, etc. but then you're getting physical with them.

I don't direct this at the OP but rather the PP in that you're the parent and adult with life experience to calm down and be rationale and normal. You're not teaching your child anything by spanking them at this age.

The best thing to do is to prevent the tantrums from starting in the first place. Does she do it over the same thing or similiar things? Like not getting her way or asking for something, etc. Wht you do is direct them away from that before it gets to that point.

You mention being at home, are you taking her out a lot in the morning and after naps to get fresh air and get a lot of exercise?

BelhurstBride

What kinds of behaviors are you trying to correct? 

meep13

When we would tell  DS not to do something or to stop several times and he wouldn't listen we would remove whatever the problem was either removing a toy or removing him from the situation, and he would loose it...  We've realized that if we tell him WHY he needs to stop he usually has no issue stopping and finds something else to do.  

For instance if he spilled water on the floor and we asked him to clean it up and got into a battle with him because he didn't want to it would end in disaster.  However if he spilled water and I explained to him that he needs to help clean it up because it makes the floor slippery and we don't want DS to fall and get a big owie because that would be sad...then he's more than willing to help clean it up....

Not saying this will work every time with every kid but it works most of the time with our DS. 

Also you may already do this but when she does eventually calm down even if it's 2 hours later tell her how proud you are of her for calming herself down and stopping her crying or screaming or kicking, yelling, biting or whatever it was she was doing before hand.  Explain that it makes you sad when she is screaming and yelling etc. like that because you love her and don't want her to hurt herself and you don't like to see her sad and you want her to be happy and safe etc... This has also helped us with DS's tantrums... 

 Hoping you find something that helps hang in there!