Stranger Danger

bearfootz

I keep seeing stories about child abductions and it scares the crap out of me.  Obviously we try to do what we can as far as making sure our kids are always right by us when we're in public.  And I've tried telling the kids about being safe - but am not always sure what to say to make them prepared vs. scared.  They are not even 4 yet so I'm not sure what's age appropriate.

What approach have you taken and/or what resources do you recommend? 

kendra223

My LO is 2 yrs old and I honestly haven't thought this out very hard. She's just always right there with me. But I should start bringing it up to her..

What my mom did is told me if anyone I didn't know took me to kick and scream "This is NOT my mom/dad." But I dunno.. do you think that would work in todays times?

Kind of a different story, but she also taught me about inappropriate touching when I was pretty young.. 4 or 5. She said my vagina was a "no touch" and to tell her if anyone did inappropriate touching.

30HelensAgree

My kid is only 2.5, but when he has the ability to understand, I'm going to teach him the Tricky People approach to strangers. You can Google to find more info, but it makes a lot of sense to me. In terms of inappropriate touching, I always use the correct terminology for genitals. Predators avoid kids who know the proper words for their body parts.

30HelensAgree

fredalina:

P.S. These conversations started before age 2 and continue to grow in complexity little by little. We probably discuss it in some form once a month, with the safe person discussion more often in person because it's harder.

Yes, I should have mentioned my 2.5 year old has a significant speech delay, so that's why we haven't started yet. He doesn't understand at this point.

ppants

We also do tricky or sneaky people.  We also discussed secrets and how we don't have secrets, we have surprises because a surprise is something that someone will know about. 

I also told the kids that if someone tries to take them, they can scream, kick, punch, bite, whatever it takes. We've practiced them wiggling if picked up. It's very hard to carry a child that's wiggling. They know that it's unlikely something like that could happen, but to know what they can do in that situation if it arises.  I've also told them that sneaky people will lie and not to believe them when they say "no one will believe you" or "I'll hurt your mom,dad,etc".

It's of course not just "strangers". We talked about private parts and how they are the boss of their body. Tell a grown up if something is going on and if that grown up doesn't listen, then keep telling an adult they trust until someone helps them. 

klondikebar

Fred had a good explanation and that's along the same lines as what we have taught our children. Every stranger is not a bad person and bad people aren't always strangers to a child. We taught our children what types of situations and behaviors from adults are not appropriate and possibly dangerous.

I've also taught my children to yell 'fire" if they are in a life threatening situation. A yelling child won't always get an immediate reaction. Heads always turn for the word fire though.

30HelensAgree

CTGirl30:

DD is a young two.

We have started by having taught her the correct names for her genitals and also her little brothers'. She knows that girls have vaginas and boys, like her brother, have penises. So she can point to her specific areas and name them. Which would obviously be helpful should anyone else try to touch her in those areas.

We also don't force her to give hugs or other affection, even with family members and especially with strangers, if she's not interested in doing so. I just tell the person not to take it personally if she shies away from them.

We will build on this as age appropriate in terms of not going with people other than mom and dad without checking with us first, etc. At this age, though, she is either with us as her parents or at her daycare center, which has really good security in place. So I really don't worry much at this point but I realize the importance of these conversations and teaching awareness starting early.

I totally forgot about body autonomy. That's something we can all teach our little ones, even before they have the ability to converse.

LaceFace14

fredalina:

We teach a out tricky people, about not going away with anyone without mom or dad's permission, rather than "stranger danger". We teach about tricks tricky people may use to get you to go with them, like having a hurt puppy in their van, and what to do. For example, say, "My mom is really good with dogs, I'll go get her." I remind her that grown ups do not need help from children they don't know, and that's a sign of a tricky person. I have taught her that if a tricky person tries to get her to go somewhere with them, she can hurt them. She can hit, kick, bite, scratch, anything to get away from a tricky person, but she should try not to let them close enough to do any of those things. We also find safe people when we're out. Safe people are employees in uniform in the main store, police officers or firefighters, and moms with kids. If she needs help, to ask them. She also knows, in separate conversations, what her private parts are and that no one can touch them or look at them except a doctor if mom or dad are there, or if she needs help from mom or dad in the bathroom, and that she cannot touch other people's private parts. We also respect her body autonomy, and don't touch her in any way she doesn't want to, such as tickling, without her permission, and we don't force affection on her such as to aunts or grandparents. It is her choice. And she knows if any uncomfortable touching, or private parts touching, or tricky people tricking happens, to say no, run away, and tell someone she trusts or ask a safe person for help.

The one thing we don't say is "Don't talk to strangers" because it makes no sense. We encourage interaction with "nice" strangers all the time.

This is our approach exactly.

Nita2603

fredalina:

We teach a out tricky people, about not going away with anyone without mom or dad's permission, rather than "stranger danger". We teach about tricks tricky people may use to get you to go with them, like having a hurt puppy in their van, and what to do. For example, say, "My mom is really good with dogs, I'll go get her." I remind her that grown ups do not need help from children they don't know, and that's a sign of a tricky person. I have taught her that if a tricky person tries to get her to go somewhere with them, she can hurt them. She can hit, kick, bite, scratch, anything to get away from a tricky person, but she should try not to let them close enough to do any of those things. We also find safe people when we're out. Safe people are employees in uniform in the main store, police officers or firefighters, and moms with kids. If she needs help, to ask them. She also knows, in separate conversations, what her private parts are and that no one can touch them or look at them except a doctor if mom or dad are there, or if she needs help from mom or dad in the bathroom, and that she cannot touch other people's private parts. We also respect her body autonomy, and don't touch her in any way she doesn't want to, such as tickling, without her permission, and we don't force affection on her such as to aunts or grandparents. It is her choice. And she knows if any uncomfortable touching, or private parts touching, or tricky people tricking happens, to say no, run away, and tell someone she trusts or ask a safe person for help.

The one thing we don't say is "Don't talk to strangers" because it makes no sense. We encourage interaction with "nice" strangers all the time.

I like your approach a lot.

Princess_Lily

fredalina:

We teach a out tricky people, about not going away with anyone without mom or dad's permission, rather than "stranger danger". We teach about tricks tricky people may use to get you to go with them, like having a hurt puppy in their van, and what to do. For example, say, "My mom is really good with dogs, I'll go get her." I remind her that grown ups do not need help from children they don't know, and that's a sign of a tricky person. I have taught her that if a tricky person tries to get her to go somewhere with them, she can hurt them. She can hit, kick, bite, scratch, anything to get away from a tricky person, but she should try not to let them close enough to do any of those things. We also find safe people when we're out. Safe people are employees in uniform in the main store, police officers or firefighters, and moms with kids. If she needs help, to ask them. She also knows, in separate conversations, what her private parts are and that no one can touch them or look at them except a doctor if mom or dad are there, or if she needs help from mom or dad in the bathroom, and that she cannot touch other people's private parts. We also respect her body autonomy, and don't touch her in any way she doesn't want to, such as tickling, without her permission, and we don't force affection on her such as to aunts or grandparents. It is her choice. And she knows if any uncomfortable touching, or private parts touching, or tricky people tricking happens, to say no, run away, and tell someone she trusts or ask a safe person for help. The one thing we don't say is "Don't talk to strangers" because it makes no sense. We encourage interaction with "nice" strangers all the time.

This is a wonderful idea.

I have been bringing up "Stranger Danger" & Private Part Touching.  But the stranger danger I couldn't wrap my head around.  I want DS to be safe and cautious - not terrified of the general public.