Screw you, Court system

CFjo2010

We finally had the follow up hearing regarding DC having supervised visitation in CA after the issues last Summer.  And the Judge is giving DC one more chance before making supervised visitation permanent.  I am livid.

The kids are really upset about going to DC's. DS has threatened to not get on the plan, DD is begging me to go with them out to TN.  Neither of them want to be alone with DC.  Both kids were interviewed by the mediator and the mediator put in her report that the kids have anxiety about being so far from me and alone with DC, but the Judge still decided to give DC "one more chance".

The kids leave on July 22nd   

Littlejen22

Ugh Jo, I am so sorry. Is it possible to sneak them each a phone that is turned off and only used for an emergency if they have not talked to you in you in X long. After what he pulled last time it is ridiculous. I would very clearly tell him that if he does not follow the CO to the letter you will file contempt again and call the police. Hopefully he will be better this time.

AlwaysForgetful

Can you appeal? What about having them see a counselor and have the counselor speak to the court about what this this could do to the kids?

+just+j+

JNL$LSM:

Spooko:

Any way to appeal? That sucks.

I agree, is there any way. This sucks, poor kids. Hold is your son is he old enough to have any say?

Only thing I could think is thank God they have each other.

 

I thought this too. 
So sorry.

CFjo2010

JNL$LSM:

Spooko:

Any way to appeal? That sucks.

I agree, is there any way. This sucks, poor kids. Hold is your son is he old enough to have any say?

Only thing I could think is thank God they have each other.

Any attempt to appeal this won't be heard until after they would leave.  Plus, my Judge holds a grudge.  He's been awesome for the last 7 years, but I've seen his temper when it comes to DC.  I'm not sure if the Judge was just having a "soft" day or if he genuinely thinks DC won't act up again.  Appealing his decision will make him a pain to deal with for the next 8 years until DD is 18.  All I can really do right now is keep my fingers crossed and pray that this goes ok.  We're giving DS an iphone for his birthday (right before they leave for DC's) and I'm going to tell him to take his old phone with him (we're going to leave it on while they're gone) and "hide" the iphone unless he really needs to use it.  I don't like telling my kids to be deceptive, but after what happened last time I don't know how else to handle this.

In CA the Court will take a child's input "under submission" but rarely does it make a difference unless the child is asking for more time with the NCP.  Plus, since my kids only see DC once (occasionally twice) a year the Court is hesitant to completely remove all visitation.  As the Judge said, DS only has 5 more visits until he turns 18.  There's no way DS is going to get out of the visits unless there's a repeat of last year.

Holly_1007

ugh I can't even believe this! I'm so sorry JO!

hopefully you have enough money in an "emergency" fund to get yourself a flight if anything fishy starts happening. 

how long will the kids be gone?

fellesferie

Is there anything else that can be done? Could your dd have a phone she can use to call you? Can DC agree to every-other-day phone calls? Skype calls? If he doesn't hold up his end, could that be used as further evidence that his visits should be supervised?

I don't blame you for being pissed. I'd be so angry, too. I think keeping the backup phone hidden is a good idea in this situation. It sucks basically asking the kids to lie, but I don't think you have another choice.

CFjo2010

Holly_1007:

ugh I can't even believe this! I'm so sorry JO!

hopefully you have enough money in an "emergency" fund to get yourself a flight if anything fishy starts happening. 

how long will the kids be gone?

They'll be gone from 7/22 - 8/8.  A solid 17 days.  Which is 3 days more than DC is afforded in the CO.  But the Judge felt that 2 extra days to accommodate travel was reasonable.

As for an emergency fund, we just cleared off a credit card and my IL's have already said they'll give us their airline points if needed to go get the kids.  Hahahaha and my dad has a couple buddies who live in Atlanta who have volunteered to "keep and eye" on things. 

Littlejen22

I would never hide an iPhone because if DC finds it and tosses it out you are out hundreds to replace it. I would either ask DC if he can take it or buy a cheapo prepaid.

CFjo2010

Littlejen22:

I would never hide an iPhone because if DC finds it and tosses it out you are out hundreds to replace it. I would either ask DC if he can take it or buy a cheapo prepaid.

DS' current phone is a prepaid phone (which is what he had last Summer).  The iPhone he's getting is actually my current iPhone because I'm upgrading.  I know it's crappy to give a kid a hand-me-down phone, but I am not spending that kind of money on a phone for a 14 year old!  If DC tosses or destroys the phone, that should be grounds for the supervised visits.  The Judge re-enforced the portion of the CO that says the kids are to be made available for phone calls.  He didn't say how often the phone calls could be, but I'm sure taking away or destroying a phone would be a violation of having the kids be "available". 

The ipod touch looks identical to the iphones.  I'm hoping if DC does see the iphone he'll just think it's an ipod...?  Especially with DS having his old phone and using the old phone to text/call me.

SimpleJane

What did he do last time?

ambrvan

I must have missed something. What happened last year?

Littlejen22

ambrvan:

I must have missed something. What happened last year?

Took away her sons phone and did not allow any contact for the entire three weeks along including telling the kids they could not contact her. She had no idea where the kids were and if they were ok until they got home.

And Jo, there is nothing wrong with giving a kid a hand me down phone especially when it is an iPhone.

CFjo2010

Littlejen22:

ambrvan:

I must have missed something. What happened last year?

Took away her sons phone and did not allow any contact for the entire three weeks along including telling the kids they could not contact her. She had no idea where the kids were and if they were ok until they got home. And Jo, there is nothing wrong with giving a kid a hand me down phone especially when it is an iPhone.

He also disconnected his cellphone and his wife's cellphone so that I couldn't contact them directly, nor could my attorney.  DC lives in TN and the kids and I live in CA, so it's not like I could drive over and check on them.  The police in TN couldn't track him down, he had taken the kids and was staying somewhere other than his home or his mother's home.  It was really bad.  My son was able to hijack a computer and FB me to let me know he and my DD were ok, but they were scared.  Because of prior incidents, I was able to obtain an emergency order removing DC's out of state visitation. 

Littlejen22

jobalchak:

Littlejen22:

ambrvan:

I must have missed something. What happened last year?

Took away her sons phone and did not allow any contact for the entire three weeks along including telling the kids they could not contact her. She had no idea where the kids were and if they were ok until they got home.

And Jo, there is nothing wrong with giving a kid a hand me down phone especially when it is an iPhone.

He also disconnected his cellphone and his wife's cellphone so that I couldn't contact them directly, nor could my attorney.  DC lives in TN and the kids and I live in CA, so it's not like I could drive over and check on them.  The police in TN couldn't track him down, he had taken the kids and was staying somewhere other than his home or his mother's home.  It was really bad.  My son was able to hijack a computer and FB me to let me know he and my DD were ok, but they were scared.  Because of prior incidents, I was able to obtain an emergency order removing DC's out of state visitation. 

I knew there was more and could not remember but remember how worried we all were for you and the kids during that time.

CFjo2010

Littlejen22:

I knew there was more and could not remember but remember how worried we all were for you and the kids during that time.

Thank you for filling the newer board members in on what transpired last year    I was driving the kids around this afternoon and didn't get back on.

In the nearly 2 years that I've been on this Board, I must say that one of my favorite memories here is when all of you pulled together for me last Summer.  I received so many PM's offering help and so much support.  I really thank all of you for keeping me somewhat sane during all that. 

AmeliaKris

This sucks. I agree with sending the phones. We send a track phone with skids when they visit their bm. That's only across town too. I cant imagine cross country visitation. I'm sorry. Hugs.

Littlejen22

Make sure you have a software in to track the phone too.

Ginlyn0

Littlejen22:

Make sure you have a software in to track the phone too.

This!

hopanka

gin9874:

Littlejen22:

Make sure you have a software in to track the phone too.

This!

Yup, put GPS on those kids!

CFjo2010

piffle42:

Does some part of you hope he pulls something so his visits have to be supervised?

I hope it doesn't go terribly.

Actually I hope the visit goes really well and that the kids have fun. I definitely do NOT want to go through what we went through last Summer again. I just wish DC would either get his act together and be a REAL father or completely vanish into oblivion. Pretending to care about the kids once a year doesn't do anyone any good.

Nineoceans

That's so scary. I cannot even imagine. I hope the 17 days fly by and your ex has learned his lesson about hiding. Not cool

nattyncbride

I'm glad you have such a good attitude, but I'm so sorry you have go through this.  I clearly remember last year, it was awful.

Hope they have an eventless trip and before you know it, you'll be back with your kids! 

HisChamaoleGirl

dbliesmer:

Littlejen22:

Make sure you have a software in to track the phone too.

There's an app we tried that linked all the phones together and you could see where they were.  Down to the street and name of store if that's the case.  There was also a function to emergency notify a specific phone if they needed something.  Or a "check in" feature.  Maybe it's something worth looking into.

It's called Life 350 - Family locator.  You can also use it with ipods by having the text plus feature.

I understand giving parents a second chance but at some point you just have to draw the line and last Summer's incident would have been it for me.  Too bad the judge is being a turd.

I haven't heard of this app before, but I do know for apple products "find my iphone" will give you location.

Good luck! I hope this summer isn't a repeat of last years fiasco.

CFjo2010

dbliesmer:

Littlejen22:

Make sure you have a software in to track the phone too.

There's an app we tried that linked all the phones together and you could see where they were.  Down to the street and name of store if that's the case.  There was also a function to emergency notify a specific phone if they needed something.  Or a "check in" feature.  Maybe it's something worth looking into.

It's called Life 350 - Family locator.  You can also use it with ipods by having the text plus feature.

I understand giving parents a second chance but at some point you just have to draw the line and last Summer's incident would have been it for me.  Too bad the judge is being a turd.

Thanks, I have never heard of the Life 350.  We use the Where's my iphone app all the time.  I'll definitely look into the app too!

As for "giving" DC another chance, if I had my way he wouldn't have another chance.  But the Judge made a decision and I'm stuck with it.  So I'm being a complete hippie and letting the idealistic side of me hope that this was a wake up call for DC and that he isn't going to be a jack@ss again.   

Sigir

Wow another piece of proof that the family court system is totally fed up. I am so sorry and hope this year things go uneventfully.