should I feel guilty...?

dande2129

Posting here because this board probably fits best into my family than the 3-6 mo and the 24mo+ boards...

I am right now, anyway. [feeling guilty]

My older DS's father and I have been officially separated since he was 5 months. (Prior to that, the marriage was already over and EXH was never home anyway, so there wasn't a lot of time being spent between the two of them) After our separation and divorce, he still only saw DS one day a week for a couple of hours. He never expressed the desire to take him overnight, or even take him another day during the week. At first, when he was a baby, EXH would come over to spend the time with him and I'd go find other things to do in the house. Around about a year old, he started to actually take him the couple of hours. But, again, never wanted to take him overnight.

It was only about two months ago that he started to keep him overnight on Sundays, and bring him back on Monday mornings. I finally just started to get comfortable with that. Two weeks ago, he said that he wanted to keep him Saturday night and Sunday night, but on Sunday, he told me that "Max" wanted to go "home." So, it didn't even last two days... which I knew it wouldn't, otherwise I would not have agreed to it.

Why do I feel guilty? Because when he is gone, I feel like the time flies. I miss him sometimes, sure, but 98% of the time, I just feel so.... free. I have another LO and it is so nice to not hear them both screaming at the same time. FI works 24 hour shifts and it feels like vacation when DS is with his dad.

I feel like a crappy parent for not wanting my toddler around all.the.time. I also feel guilty for wishing that the visitation setup was more normal, like the standard one night a week, every other weekend. I justify this by saying that I want DS to have more time with his dad, but I really think it's mainly because I want more time to myself. I just don't feel like that's a way a mother should feel/think :- 

itsmyturn2

Don?t feel bad at all ? parenting is hard and everyone deserves a break every once in a while. Having a break makes you a better mom when you are with your son. I have 2 children and feel the same way you do, I love them to death and miss them when they are gone but I look forward to that time too.

AlwaysForgetful

Don't feel bad. I would love it if my ex would see the boys enough to be able to take them for a few hours. It was so nice when the older 2 (I have 4) were in school part days. Almost like a mini vacation. I don't care how great of a parent you are, every parent needs a break. The break gives you some you time that you would not have other wise and give you a chance to relax in ways you can't when there are little ones under foot.

I actually cried (I am not emotional like that normally) when I found out that my yearly "weekend away" had to be canceled due to some stuff hitting us later this year. I look forward to that 30-48 hours I get once a year.

Although the next person who tells me that I will get my "me time" when I am in the hospital having this baby may have their mouth stapled shut. Someone poking you every 3 hours around the clock is not a break.

ambrvan

AlwaysForgetful:

Don't feel bad. I would love it if my ex would see the boys enough to be able to take them for a few hours. It was so nice when the older 2 I have 4 were in school part days. Almost like a mini vacation. I don't care how great of a parent you are, every parent needs a break. The break gives you some you time that you would not have other wise and give you a chance to relax in ways you can't when there are little ones under foot.I actually cried I am not emotional like that normally when I found out that my yearly "weekend away" had to be canceled due to some stuff hitting us later this year. I look forward to that 3048 hours I get once a year.Although the next person who tells me that I will get my "me time" when I am in the hospital having this baby may have their mouth stapled shut. Someone poking you every 3 hours around the clock is not a break.

Who on earth could possibly think being in the hospital in labor or being induced, I assume this is what you're doing, could be 'me time'?!


And yes, every parent feels exactly the way you do at times. And the fact that you feel guilty over it proves you care enough and love your children enough to be one of the 'good moms' that is nit just ready to throw her kids off at every chance. But try not to feel guilty about it. Otherwise, you won't be able to take advantage of the time you have that preserves your sanity and allows you to be that good parent when your children are there. I am still learning this myself.

CurlieWhirlie

OMG no you should not feel guilty! Any mother who says she wants her toddler around all the time is totally lying! Especially with a newborn in the house. Give yourself a break.