S/O s/o wedding gifts

acaudill75

Do you think it is rude not to give a gift at all? I get someone people are on limited budgets, and their presence that is all that is required. But how many of us think it is rude to not give anything?

For me, if I couldn't afford to give any money, and the person meant a lot to me, I would probably give them something that meant something to me, and explain the significance of it to them. Or, I just wouldn't go to the wedding.

msdrdg

I don't think a gift is required.  Technically your presence is your present as they say.  You are there to celebrate the occasion and if you feel inclined to give a gift that is very nice of you.

That said, if I couldn't afford something I would still try to give at least a card with a nice note saying how happy I am for the couple and try to send them something like a GC in the future.

30HelensAgree

I always give a gift, usually from the registry, if they have one. However, I think it's super icky to keep track of who gave what, and who may have not given anything. Nobody knows why people choose to give, or not give, what they do. Weddings are not about gifts or cash. I hate that so many people don't seem to realize that.

mben1119

We had a few guests who didn't give us gifts at our wedding. Didn't phase either of us one bit. We wanted all of our friends and family to celebrate with us, whether they could afford a gift or not.

scoutkate

I have no clue if any of our attendees didn't give us a gift. Personally, celebrating our mariage with our friends and family took priority over accumulating gifts and money.  That said, if I was in a position where I couldn't afford to give a registry or monetary gift to the newlyweds, I would still give something meaningful.  A great aunt gave me a framed photo of my great-grandmother on her wedding day, and it meant so much more to me than an envelope of cash would have. 

Nechie122

I'll answer this two ways. As the bride, I think you should just be honored that people are celebrating with you; they spent time and money traveling and are giving up an evening to be with you. A gift is always at the discretion of the giver and a wedding is not a fundraiser.

But, let's face it, if you're the guest, it's still extremely rude to show up empty handed. I would never go to dinner at someone's house without bringing something, let alone a wedding. If I couldn't afford to spend a lot, I'd try to do something creative for the couple.

I know that sounds contradictory but just because something isn't required of me doesn't mean the absence of it isn't rude. I'm not required to hold doors for people but it's basic manners.

kj07

It depends.  We had people travel across the country to be at my wedding, so we didn't take offense if they didn't also get us a gift. 

If you're in the wedding, I don't think you should feel obligated to get a gift as you're already putting money out for the event.

acaudill75

Well, I think I would feel nasty if I didn't bring anything. In my neck of the woods, you don't show up empty handed, so to speak. And DH and I are the poor relations, usually.

I was a little hurt that my brother didn't think enough to give us anything, since he is the first to get butthurt over a lack of present on any given occasion. And it wasn't like he is hurting for money. So, did I notice the absence of a gift from certain people? Yes. Did it diminish my relationship with those people? No.

Except for my brother, because he is a brat, and I had to put up with ex-SIL in my wedding party.

SmittyPants

30HelensAgree:

I always give a gift, usually from the registry, if they have one. However, I think it's super icky to keep track of who gave what, and who may have not given anything. Nobody knows why people choose to give, or not give, what they do. Weddings are not about gifts or cash. I hate that so many people don't seem to realize that.

I kept track of who gave us what because I wanted to include it in our thank you notes. "Thanks for the toaster, we think of you each morning when we burn our toast" or if they gave cash, "Thanks for the generous gift, we're putting it towards the purchase of _________." 

Helenahhandbasket

I don't think a gift is ever really a requirement, except for at a shower.

I would personally feel funny about not bringing a gift, however.  I am in NY and it's almost unheard of to give a physical gift-- so for me it would be either cash or nothing. 

So if I was really in a tough spot I might send my regrets.

shortstuff15

30HelensAgree:

I always give a gift, usually from the registry, if they have one. However, I think it's super icky to keep track of who gave what, and who may have not given anything. Nobody knows why people choose to give, or not give, what they do. Weddings are not about gifts or cash. I hate that so many people don't seem to realize that.

Aren't you supposed to record who gave what so thank you cards are accurate and personal? We wrote down what everyone gave us for that reason. I don't have a problem if someone doesn't bring a gift. The average gift at our wedding was probably 40 bucks or something of that value. No problem with that.

acesup

I had a few guests not give anything and it didnt bother me. I know they weren't in a good situation and was happy they came to celebrate. The only one that bugged me was someone didn't even give me a card. I enjoy cards and love giving cards to family and friends for various occasions. I actually spend time choosing a card with a statement that actually fits our relationship. And I read every card I'm given and save many as well. So I was hurt that even though they couldn't afford a gift they didnt take the time to get a card from the 99cent rack at rite aid and write something nice in it.
Maybe I'm weird lol.

I also had a guest give me a check in her card. When I got back from my honeymoon she emailed me and asked me not to cash it and said she would let me know when to cash it so it wouldn't bounce. She never did and I never asked. It was awkward.

30HelensAgree

Moidonna:

SmittyPants:

30HelensAgree:

I always give a gift, usually from the registry, if they have one. However, I think it's super icky to keep track of who gave what, and who may have not given anything. Nobody knows why people choose to give, or not give, what they do. Weddings are not about gifts or cash. I hate that so many people don't seem to realize that.

I kept track of who gave us what because I wanted to include it in our thank you notes. "Thanks for the toaster, we think of you each morning when we burn our toast" or if they gave cash, "Thanks for the generous gift, we're putting it towards the purchase of _________." 

That's what I was thinking too.  You kind of have to keep track if you are going to send thank you notes.

Oh, I totally get that. I sent specific ty notes too. It just seems like some people seem to sit there with a freaking spreadsheet, cataloging who gave what and whether or not it was good enough.

Rhomonk

In my circle, it is extremely rude not to give some kind of cash.  There really isn't any set amount though.  If you are in tough times, you can still just put 10 bucks in a card, and I don't think the bride/groom would get offended if they knew you were having money issues.

We had a destination wedding, and I didn't expect any type of card/money.  I was suprised that everyone gave us a card AND money.  Everyone, except my MIL, who tried to stir up drama, complained about how her steak was cooked, and kept trying to pull I'M THE MOTHER OF THE GROOOOM card to justify her twatness. However, I was glad she gave us nothing because she would constantly bring up how she gave us money.   I haven't seen her since our wedding.

proudworkingmom82

I do not care if anyone brings a gift when FI and I get married.  I don't even think were gonna do a registry.  The gift thing just isn't important to us.  

margot209

People's presence is present enough.  Guests often spend a lot of money just going to the wedding-transportation, hotels, outfits, babysitting....

We did a registry only because it was requested by my elderly family members, and made sure to have a lot of smaller ticket items, only one big ticket item just in case a group wanted to go in on a gift. 

Was not concerned at all when a few people brought no gift.  A few friends were on limited budgets and got me some really nice things...

 -coffee from a favourite coffee shop me and that friend went to all the time in highschool

-cards with really kind marriage advice

-bottle of champagne

Should I be invited to a wedding and can't afford much to give, I think I will get them a bottle of champagne,  whatever my budget allows.  We got a few bottles with our presents and had a great time drinking them on our honeymoon (which was local), no need to go out to pick any up.