How to manage expectations

VelvetElegance

Hi Ladies.. I am in a really weird place right now. I'm at the end of a cycle where I think I may have a pretty good chance at getting that BFP. Today is 11 DPO for me and my temp was up quite a bit. In all my previous BFN cycles, my temps fall at 11DPO and I either spot or get full on AF by 12DPO. My husband and I suffered a devastating loss this spring so we are both trying not to get our hopes up. He's been asking me when I will test and I lied to him and told him next week so I could buy some time while I analyzed my chart more in depth. I had a huge (potentially an implantation) dip at 7DPO. This morning I expected a drop and was going to start thinking of how to tell DH but then when my temps went up, I scrapped that plan. I have one test left and am not sure I am up for the psi on yet another stark white test. How do you guys handle this sort of anxiety? 

Jacque Sills

Hi VelvetElegance,

First of all, so sorry for your loss.  I know how hard the healing process is and the residual hesitation of believing that it could really happen, after such devastation....I think that is the way that we protect ourselves from disappointment and not allowing the pain to enter in again.  I know it well.   

All your signs sound wonderful, I can understand how that makes you nervous.  I am not sure how you process your emotions and deal with stress or disappointment, but the way I handle things, is I like to go test by myself and deal with the result alone, then after I process it negative or positive.  I can then access how to deal with others.  I hope that makes sense the way I explained it. 

This TTC journey is a very tough one with it's highs and lows and according to how you are, maybe, you need your partner there for strength, which is a wonderful thing to have.  I wish that I could do that to be able to share in my emotions so freely.....it is a beautiful thing to be able to do...

Just know that we are all here for you and will support you in what ever decision that you make....

Best of luck and keep us posted in how you handle this situation.  I hope my thoughts helped you a bit and just know that I am there in spirit with you. 

Oh, make sure you take lots of deep breaths and drink lots of water, that always makes me relax and feel good!

 

HeathernSteven

Each person is different, each month is different. Some months I am like, "whatever" other months I can hardly contain my excitment. I think the easiest way is to not read into the signs and symptoms or charts too much, I have seen many women with the most perfect charts get AF, just try to keep the emotions steady, the only answer is the poas or the bw that confirms or denies your pregnant, everything is speculation.

It's tough, hang in there and I hope you are right and this is the cycle!

gscoville

HeathernSteven:

Each person is different, each month is different. Some months I am like, "whatever" other months I can hardly contain my excitment. I think the easiest way is to not read into the signs and symptoms or charts too much, I have seen many women with the most perfect charts get AF, just try to keep the emotions steady, the only answer is the poas or the bw that confirms or denies your pregnant, everything is speculation.

It's tough, hang in there and I hope you are right and this is the cycle!

All of this. Charts can look so promising but then still end in a BFN, it has happened to me so many times. And cycle length can vary as well. I used to have an 11 day LP with temps always dropping by 9 DPO. Then a few cycles ago I got to 12DPO with high temps and thought for sure it was my cycle. I tested every day and got negatives until my period arrived at 16 DPO. The last two cycles have been similar, with temps up until AF arrives at 16 to 17 DPO. I've learned not to read too much into anything until I see that positive on a test, it's just too hard on my heart to get my hopes up so high just to have them dashed. Not that I don't still hope, but I've gotten to the point that I don't even want to test, I just expect to get my period and wait for it. If I am ever truly pregnant, I probably won't even know until I'm like 20 DPO, because I try to wait things out more now.

VelvetElegance

Thanks for taking the time to respond, ladies. You have given me a different perspective. As much as I want to be pregnant, I keep thinking how much I can't wait to be past the TTC phase of my life. It takes up so much of my time, energy and emotions.. UGH! I've decided to test tmrw am if my temp is still high. I think I'd rather just rip the band-aid off fast by testing rather than slowly - by waiting for AF to show.

ksgsmu

Junebug060609:

So sorry for your loss. Honesty, I try to manage my expectations by not expecting anything. If it happens, great.

This! it is still a bit early to test, I would wait another day or two!  Good luck!

jkzinck

VelvetElegance:

Thanks for taking the time to respond, ladies. You have given me a different perspective. As much as I want to be pregnant, I keep thinking how much I can't wait to be past the TTC phase of my life. It takes up so much of my time, energy and emotions.. UGH! I've decided to test tmrw am if my temp is still high. I think I'd rather just rip the bandaid off fast by testing rather than slowly by waiting for AF to show.

Good luck