DH vent.....disappointed

bride711

Hey Ladies,

Ah DH vent.......

So to give you a little background. A month ago we planned to take our LO's (3&1) to a family attraction. Bought tickets online. Everything was scheduled. 2 days before "our family" outing. DH decided to accept free concert tickets for himself, with this parents, his best friend, my best friend and her sister to go to a concert. I was waiting to see if he would feel awful in doing this and nothing came up. So the following day I brought it up and it turned into an argument no less. So it was a day and a half of us going back and forth about this. My whole thing to Dh was that " I felt as if he ditched us".

last minute he decided to change the timing of us going from afternoon til morning so then he wouldn't feel so awful. However, another family and their children were coming with us as well. After all the back and forth, he came with us and on the way home wanted I and the kids to drop him off at the concert for the tailgating. He is now at the concert. He didn't call to say good night to the kids or even to check in at all.

How would you feel?

I'm so frustrated & angry but more than anything feel saddened seeming that his priorities seem out of sorts!

chicsahm

Oh I would feel SO PISSED! DH always checks to see if it is ok for him to go and do something.... or says, hey hun im going to "so and so" is there anything I should be aware of.... It is never an issue but in that case I would have said, I thought we had plans that day etc.... If he really wanted to go to the concert and it was a huge deal to him...and the family trip could have been postponed to a diff weekend I would have been super bummed but if roles were reversed I would hope he would do the same for me.... HOWEVER, he did no such thing from the sounds of it.... there was no communication about it at all, which would have pissed me off. You are in the right to be upset for his lack of communicating and assuming he could do whatever he wants to even though you had plans already. AND what the heck, why were you not invited... there are such things as sitters!!

dragon_chica

Sure, everything worked out AFTER the OP complained about it.  This was suppose to be a family outing not mommy taking the kids to a theme park.  Also, his lack of consideration possibly inconvenienced another family.  Things working out in the end doesn't take away from the fact that OP's DH didn't seem to put his family into his decision making. 

I think if her DH approached it as a, "Hey, my parents had an extra concert ticket and they want me to go.  I know we're suppose to go to this theme park.  Is there any way we can go in the morning so I can still make it to the concert?  And while we're at it, take the afternoon off since I'll be leaving you with the kids for the evening."  Now THAT would make him an awesome husband.

And ditto the why weren't YOU invited too?

MesmrEwe

While I'd be annoyed as well, at least he showed up for the event you had planned.  Sometimes it's not as easy as "calling to check in on the kids".  I've been in a lot of concert venues that it's nearly impossible to get a signal or things are starting just as they would be going to bed...

bride711

The expectation for calling us to check in on the kids to say good night was prior to him going into the concert. The concert didn't start til 8. He was tailgating in the parking lot. Our kiddos are in bed at 7. So I expected the call. He could've made that attempt. Especially considering everything that already happened! 

 

jmugirl38

OM...I have been in your shoes before once or twice and I understand how frustrating it is when DH puts his plans/interests before the family's time/plans together. Personally the way I get through to my DH in those situations is to give him a scenario where the shoe is on the other foot so to speak- I also have no problem putting DD in the scenario in terms of having him understand hurt feelings (not literally, but telling him that as she gets older, he needs to think how this would make her feel in light of his decision to go to a concert and/or moving around our plans out of convenience for his interests). That has seemed to work well for us- my DH is very much a non-emotional guy, he is thoughtful but has had a hard time with priorities since DD came along- he is getting better over time! Hang in there, venting helps, but continue to let him know in a polite, well-received way how it makes you (and potentially the children) feel and hopefully it will lead to more discussion on the upfront and less of this in the future.

outnumbered

bride711:

Hey Ladies,

Ah DH vent.......

So to give you a little background. A month ago we planned to take our LO's (3&1) to a family attraction. Bought tickets online. Everything was scheduled. 2 days before "our family" outing. DH decided to accept free concert tickets for himself, with this parents, his best friend, my best friend and her sister to go to a concert. I was waiting to see if he would feel awful in doing this and nothing came up. So the following day I brought it up and it turned into an argument no less. So it was a day and a half of us going back and forth about this. My whole thing to Dh was that " I felt as if he ditched us".

last minute he decided to change the timing of us going from afternoon til morning so then he wouldn't feel so awful. However, another family and their children were coming with us as well. After all the back and forth, he came with us and on the way home wanted I and the kids to drop him off at the concert for the tailgating. He is now at the concert. He didn't call to say good night to the kids or even to check in at all.

How would you feel?

I'm so frustrated & angry but more than anything feel saddened seeming that his priorities seem out of sorts!

I would be annoyed with my husband, but why did you wait to talk about the conflict of events?  It sounds like you were playing games and testing him to see if you was a good dad/husband.   I would have said something immediately.  I also would not expect my husband to call from a concert venue to say goodnight to the kids.

SusieBW

zoeygirl1105:

Why weren't you invited?

This.

aeh72

I'd be pissed at the idea that DH did not remember or put a priority on the fact that we already had a family day planned, but I would have tried to pro-actively work out the situation.  I've found that when I "test" DH to see how he is going to respond to a situation, I'm often setting myself for disappointment. Not (always) because he's a jerk - just because he's not thinking about the situation the same way I am.  I'm wondering if this is a habit of your husband's (i.e., for him to not make his family commitments a priority) for you to be so mad at him?  If so, maybe it's time for you to have a sit down with him about why this (and maybe other events) have been upsetting to you.