How to deal with sibling rivalry over Mum's lap?

KateLouise

DD1 and 2 have recently started getting very competitive and scratchy towards each other over who is sitting on my lap.

They're fine through the day, but at the end of the day as they each get tired, and DD2 wants to nurse then there is pushing and pulling and wailing.

I generally say, "Such and such is here. You can both sit here together, or you can wait until she gets down." but they've started anticipating when one is heading for my lap, and try to cut each other off. I don't tolerate pushing or hitting.

If DD2 isn't the one on my lap, then she starts insisting she wants to nurse, even if she just nursed 20 minutes before. Which is this tragic display of weeping whilst patting my breasts and signing "please"

I'm struggling with how to deal with it, so that they both feel like they get some snuggles with Mum, and so that they don't feel like they have to compete for my time. But if I make whoever wait, and they stand their wailing (usually DD2) then it's not very pleasant snuggling time for the other. 

Has anyone dealt with this? Any ideas of how to help the girls through this?

Thanks 

ncbelle

Generally holding both has worked for us.  And if they are being ugly, they have to wait.  So I'm no help!

Emerald27

Could you nurse DD2 in a semi football hold so that she sits next to you but facing you, laying onto your lap under your arm to nurse? That might leave more lap room for DD1.

Does DD1 nurse too? You could nurse them at the same time in this position.

One other thing you might want to consider is making a special time every day that's just you and each child. Even if it's just 10 minutes for each one, they would have their special time with mommy. At the same time, the other could have special daddy time. Not sure if that would help or just cause more tension, but it's a thought!

TiffanyBerry

Emerald27:

Could you nurse DD2 in a semi football hold so that she sits next to you but facing you, laying onto your lap under your arm to nurse? That might leave more lap room for DD1.

 

I haven't had to try this, but this is what came to mind.  Sit on a couch and let DD2 sit "next" to you, facing you, to nurse.  Then there's still lap space.  No idea if it would work with another one on your lap, but I've done this before with DD with just us. 

pixieprincss

What about a preventative measure like filling up DC1's "touch tank" before you nurse DC2? That isn't reasonable every time, but maybe sometimes it could help. Also, I will nurse DS2 while having DS1 on the couch next to me while we read a book, so there are lots of cuddles. I do also manage to fit them both on my lap: football hold on one side and toddler sitting on the other.

KateLouise

Often whoever is in my lap, doesn't want to share. They'll push the other one off if they try to get on my knee. So us all snuggling together isn't generally the solution.

I do like the idea of giving DD1 lots of attention before the nursing, and just in general trying to give each of them one on one time.

In terms of them each having time with me and Dad, the difficult time (after daycare and before dinner) is before DH gets home. Also DH has been away a lot in the last few months, so they are quite clingy to me. Maybe we just need to look at having regular one on oen time with Mum and Dad at other times, to fill up their little tanks.