lets talk openness DIA related

I know most of us on this board are waiting to be matched however I thought we could talk about the openness of your adoption or what you hope and are comfortable with in a future match. How open would you be comfortable with? Would you be opposed if EM wanted closed?

I am just looking to discuss the topic. Thanks!

Re: lets talk openness DIA related

  • I thought I'd answer even though we finalized our adoption in 2010

    DH and I were open to 2 visits/year, of course depending on the relationship we had with the birth family, etc. DH in particular didn't want to exchange identifying info or have us know where the other lived, etc., but was OK with meeting at neutral locations and handling a lot of communication through the agency we used.

    We asked our SW about how they handled birth families who wanted closed adoptions. They did occasionally have that happen, but still had APs send letters and pictures to be kept at the agency in case the birth family changed their minds somewhere along the line. We would have respected a birth parent's decision if they wanted a closed adoption.


  • We've also finalized our adoption, but we have a semi-open.  That is what we originally wanted.  DD's BM isn't very responsive when I e-mail her though, and I wonder if she's trying to "close" this adoption...maybe she just needs some more time as DD is only 9 months old.  If she had wanted closed originally, I would have been disappointed, but I doubt we would have passed up the match.
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  • I was originally very hesitant to have any kind of openness in our adoption but have ended up with actually a pretty open relationship. Throughout the pregnancy I was the one who took DS's BM to almost every doctor's appointment. I was in the room during delivery and still text with BM at least once a month. We have talked about meeting up this summer, but haven't set a date yet.

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  • Thanks everyone for your responses. I know everyone's adoption looks different and I appreciate the different perspectives.
  • We are currently in a match that is wide the heck open. We know everyone Identifiying info, have been in each others homes, and have phone numbers. We've already each met extended family We aren't sure how it will go if placement happens- but so far the eparent is asking for openess- and we're more than happy to oblige. The relationship so far is just a superbly good fit. We hope that our lives will look, if not right away, then eventually, like shared holidays etc.
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  • We have not yet finalized, but our adoption is semi-open. We send pics, letters and videos to the agency, who then forwards them to BM. We met BM at the hospital and got to spend some time with her. She did not want DS to know he was adopted until he was 18, but we came to an agreement that such a thing would not be wise. We do not have any contact with her, though we know her last name and can find her on Facebook, though we are not friends with her.She said that after he turns 18, if he wants to meet her, she will consider it. Birth Father is not in the picture at all.

    We actually are very comfortable with semi-open, and would not have objected to closed. DH is not comfortable with a fully open adoption.

    Everyone is different, but we found a situation that works well for us and we will msot likely pursue another semi-open adoption in the future.

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  • We haven't finalized yet (though hopefully it should be next month!)..but we have an open adoption.  DD's BM and I texted a lot at when DD was first born, multiple times per day, then it dwindled to once per day, then a few times per week, once per week, and now once every few weeks to once per month. We are okay with that.  We know she needs her space and we know she loves DD very much and that will never change, so we are confident that she will always be in our lives.  Our agency has an annual gathering, which we're looking forward we will be seeing her this summer and hopefully each summer.  I also have a blog open to only DD's BM that I update biweekly. She views it every other month.
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