unsure about when to try

jenlc723

I am going back to grad school and it will last about 3 years while I work full-time. My husband is very ready for kids, but I am not. It seems like too much to handle all at once and getting my degree is very important to me. My worry is that when I am ready to start trying, if I can't get pregnant, I will have this huge amount of guilt that we waited so long. Is there any way to find out if I will have any physical issues getting pregnant, (ie low egg count, hormone or uterus issues) now so I can make a better decision? I don't see my OBGYN until the end of the year to ask her. Any suggestions will help, thank you!

DebateThis

How old are you?

There are plenty of tests that can be run to diagnose infertility but the vast majority of insurance companies won't cover them until you've been trying a year, if at all.

My general recommendation, assuming you are under age 35, is that if you aren't ready for kids right now, don't TTC right now and don't worry about "potential infertility down the road".

We started TTC when I was 22 and I'm 29 now. There was no way to know that I'd get hit with IF, kidney problems, some health concerns for MH, and a variety of other life hurdles in there - but we were absolutely ready for a child when we started TTC and it would not have thrown off my life plan in the slightest.

Your situation sounds entirely different and it sounds like you have a higher probability of plans being derailed and regretting/resenting a child if one came along now than you do of delaying TTC only to face infertility down the road, if that makes sense.

jenlc723

Thank you for your help! I'm 26, but I worry because my mom had a lot of issues TTC. I'm definitely not ready for a child just yet, but it would kill me if we couldn't get pregnant down the road and I made my husband wait so long. He is vey supportive and he wouldn't resent me, but I was just wondering if there were any simple tests to maybe suggest if we might run into some problems. Thank you again for your thoughts!

DebateThis

Sure, no prob. Incidentally, do you know what issues your mom had? Some of them are genetic (or at least seem to run in families) whereas others won't have any impact on you and your potential fertility at all.

greengirl0909

I will graduate in July with my 2nd master's degree. Started the program when my first was 4 months old, delivered my second spring a year ago.  It was tough, but manageable.  I studied in the evenings after they were in bed.  I don't know what to tell you about timing, but I wanted to let you know it could be done.  My sister had her first also while  in grad school. I did my first master's before we were married, it was easier, but this is doable. My husband will start this Fall.

anssett

I've thought about this a lot. I'm 32 now, have a PhD and a stable job, and am about to start TTC. For years I was worried that I was going to run into a fertility issue if I waited until I finished grad school to start TTC. I got myself into the wrong marriage because I was so scared that if I wasn't married and ready to start the MINUTE I could it would be too late. 

I'm not saying you're as nuts as me, but now that I'm here, in a MUCH happier marriage, with the degree I really wanted, the job I was inspired to do, I am the person I needed to become before I should have kids. The me at 25 wasn't "cooked" yet and it took pursuing my dreams to get here.

Now, I don't know yet if I have any fertility issues. I'm still kinda anxious, but we're on the brink of starting TTC and we'll find out in the next year! I still have plenty of fertility years left, from a statistical point of view. I would have been a good mom before, but I will be a great mom now. I am ready for the time and effort that go into a baby, but before I would have been struggling SO much harder to finish school (and not to mention being married to a man I don't love).

I encourage you to pursue your current dreams FOR YOU. Then pursue the family dreams in 3 years. I really think you'll be happier. 

jenlc723

anssett:

I've thought about this a lot. I'm 32 now, have a PhD and a stable job, and am about to start TTC. For years I was worried that I was going to run into a fertility issue if I waited until I finished grad school to start TTC. I got myself into the wrong marriage because I was so scared that if I wasn't married and ready to start the MINUTE I could it would be too late. 

I'm not saying you're as nuts as me, but now that I'm here, in a MUCH happier marriage, with the degree I really wanted, the job I was inspired to do, I am the person I needed to become before I should have kids. The me at 25 wasn't "cooked" yet and it took pursuing my dreams to get here.

Now, I don't know yet if I have any fertility issues. I'm still kinda anxious, but we're on the brink of starting TTC and we'll find out in the next year! I still have plenty of fertility years left, from a statistical point of view. I would have been a good mom before, but I will be a great mom now. I am ready for the time and effort that go into a baby, but before I would have been struggling SO much harder to finish school (and not to mention being married to a man I don't love).

I encourage you to pursue your current dreams FOR YOU. Then pursue the family dreams in 3 years. I really think you'll be happier. 

 Thank you so much, you really said what I need to hear. I agree, and as does my husband, that we BOTH want to be happy AND ready. I want to be all there for my kids, not rushing them to bed to study. I know I'll love my kids whenever I get pregnant, but I don't want to feel resentful. I know I'll be happier if I wait until after school. My concern was my guilt if we had trouble TTC. All the responses were incredibly helpful, thank you all! You gave me alot to consider!