It was bound to happen :( - long vent

liz4paws

Last night after work, my dad told me that my semi-estranged brother and his wife are expecting their second child.

The news just knocked the wind out of me. To give you some back story, his awful wife cheated on my brother in 2008, tried to gain sympathy from my mom by telling my mom ON HER BIRTHDAY that my brother was cheating on her etc (a lie, but I could go on and on with her lies/games/stories). My brother chose to stay my SIL, and she has destroyed many family relationships one by one. I have no real relationship with my neice or my brother anymore because my brother is so afraid that his wife will cheat/leave her again if he doesn't comply.

She's constantly playing a victim in every single way despite the fact that she hasn't had close deaths, family/personal illness, and doesn't even have to work because my brother caters to her every need. She has even claimed to have dealt with infertility, yet she also claims she got pregnant with PCOS while on birth control.  I don't normally judge anyone who claims to deal with IF, but she lies so much I just don't buy it. She has a new potential disease pretty much every month to gain sympathy.

The hardest, most painful part was when she used her child, my mother's only grandchild, as a pawn to get my mom to side with her on her lies. One example that comes to mind is when my mom and SIL were shopping at Target, and I happened to be there shopping too. I didn't even know they were there and just went around my business grocery shopping. Well, my SIL convinced my mom that I gave her "dirty looks." And my mom confronted me and said I needed to apologize Yes, my mom was making me apologize as an adult! And I had no idea they were even there! But that's the caliber of person we are dealing with here. My SIL got all kinds of sick satisfaction from this. 

My mom came after me pretty much anytime my SIL accused me of this kind of childish nonsense and believed lie after lie that my sister in law told her. She may have subconsciously known it was BS but she also knew if she didn't play the games with her that my SIL would take her grandchild from her. And it hurts me, but my mom was forced to choose her grandchild. And the most tragic part is that after a few years of me as my SILs target, my mom died.

Needless to say, I'm not fond of this woman. My mom was alive for her first pregnancy and cheered her on and gushed all over her. I'm so sad that I'll never have that with my mom, but yet she got it. My mom only experienced THEIR child as her grandchild while she was alive.

And now here she is pregnant with number two. "Infertility" and all. I just feel defeated. It's another niece/nephew I won't know. It's another pregnancy announcement to remind me what I don't have. And it's amidst a low point as I struggle with WHY this has has to be so hard for us and so easy for everyone else.

I still called and congratulated my brother yesterday when I heard the news, but I couldn't talk to her for fear she'd say something stupid or victimmy. I did spend a good hour or two in tears so I couldn't handle the chance of that anyway. Keep in mind, she never called me once when she learned I was pregnant, nor did she reach out, text, etc when we lost our baby.

Thanks for hearing me vent. I guess this was bound to happen. I'll get over it, but it sucks.

firesiren

Liz, I am so sorry.  People suck.  You are a better person.  I could not have ever called to congratulate them.  ((HUGS))

WindyCity33

You are an amazing person to have the strength and courage to pick up the phone and call your brother...absolutely amazing.

luvboston

Liz I am so sorry you have to deal with such an awful person. (hugs)

PurpleIris30

Oh goodness - I'm so sorry!

DoublePortion

Huge hugs! I hate that your SIL is such an awful person but most of all I hate that she came between you and your mom. I'm so sorry that this terrible person was able to experience the joy of giving your mom a grandchild and you never will. It's so unfair. My heart aches for you.

hmz819

Hugs!  I'm sorry your SIL is such a B.  IF is so unfair.  I hate that we all know the pain IF causes.  Take care of yourself.

ekc0630

Sorry you are going through this!  IF sucks!!!!!!  Keep your spirits high!

Lacyj67

Ugh! Im so glad my SIL lives in Denver. My DHs only brother is married and has three kids. The oldest son with his first wife we are very close with. We practically raised him because they were so young and into drugs so we always came to the rescue. In fact he's 14 now and coming from Denver this July for 3 weeks to stay with us. Im very excited to see him since he didnt come last summer I missed seeing him at 13! On the other hand dhs bro is a total loser and never sees his first born and signed away rights when he was 5 to his first wife. Guess that for him outta paying child support right.... To make the situation worse he got married to another woman who I met a handful if times and was a total crack head!! They now have two sons and to my understanding still do drugs and drink heavily. I've always felt so bad for those boys and the situation but us being in Cali and them in Denver there is not much I can do! Some people should not have kids and they are one of those couples!!!!
Hopefully you can just ignore your SIL like I do and try to see your bro and his kids separate from her if you want to. does he still want to keep in contact ir is it your choice your not speaking?Don't let it stress you out because its not worth it!!!
I understand about not getting those moments with your mom. I won't get those moments either and my DHs mom is gone too so hopefully my dads new wife will be a good sub grandma for our kids one day . She's a sweetheart but a little loopy!!! Her name is Franny and we plan on calling her granny Franny! Lol

kflynn81

((HUGS))   I'm sorry Liz