Bad day

angelsnight

I'm having a really bad day.  It started on my way to work, I just felt angry, very angry out of nowhere.  Nothing really happened to set me off....well maybe a little since I was thinking about the lady at work the other day that was shocked that I named my daughter.  WTF?

So as soon as I got to work I knew I was going to cry.  So far I've run to the bathroom twice to cry, and several times had to try holding back the tears at my desk.  So far no one has noticed, but if anyone does and tries to say something nice to me, I'll lose it.

On top of that, it's like I have super dog hearing today, but for only people talking about their babies.  This one's baby is sick and it's so hard on them when their baby is sick....this one had a hard time dropping their baby off at daycare...this one wishes she were younger because if she were she would definitely have another one.

I know these were all legitimate things that I would probably think or talk about if my baby were here, but she's not and all I want to do is scream at these people, that there are worse things than babies with a cold and dropping them off at daycare.

Noethola

Big hugs sweetie. Some days, things like this are much more grating to the nerves than other days. When this sort of thing happens, I have to focus on my good memories with my daughter. Otherwise, I would punch someone. I so often wanted to scream at the people that complained during their pregnancies about every little thing and just say you should be thankful they are NOT DEAD. But that was a bit dramatic and I just had to sit on my hands. People are insensitive. T & Ps for you today as you face all of this!

Dixon813

Many hugs to you...

JessicaG220

I'm so sorry about your bad day!!!!  And I'm sorry people all around you are discussing their "problems" with their babies. If they only knew problems!  Trust me, I feel your pain.  I just got back from lunch with 3 of my co-workers, one of whom is 36 weeks pregnant, and the other 2 kept asking questions to her about how she's feeling, Father's Day, etc.  I'm like, SERIOUSLY?  You know what I've been through...  Just bc it's been 2 months does NOT mean I am not sensitive to this.  Just being near my hugely pregnant co-worker is enough to make me cry.  People are so rude.  I'm tired of hearing the stories and seeing people bring in their babies, too.  I don't care if it's selfish, but I don't want to hear or seeing anything that has to do with your babies!!!!!!  See, you're not alone.    Hugs!!!!!!!!!

princezjk

Ugh, I hope your day gets better. Or at least ends quickly! Hugs

OSUWifey09

***SIGGY WARNING***

 

 

I'm so sorry you had such a rough day. In the first three months after my loss, I felt like I had baby bionic ears/eyes - I always spotted every pregnant woman and heard every conversation about babies. I did more than my fair share of crying in public; sometimes, I still cry in public when something random sets me off. It sucks.

I hope your day gets better. Lots of hugs.

shandorfml2

Of course you named your daughter....wow I don't know how I would have handled that.

Bayberry12

angelsnight:

I'm having a really bad day.  It started on my way to work, I just felt angry, very angry out of nowhere.  Nothing really happened to set me off....well maybe a little since I was thinking about the lady at work the other day that was shocked that I named my daughter.  WTF?

I'm sorry you are having a bad day.  I had a very good friend who was shocked that I consider my daughter my first child.  It feels like people expect us to forget about the babies we lost, but we wouldn't be expected to forget a sibling or our parents or a friend if they died.  It would be ok to talk about them and remember them, but our child's death makes people so uncomfortable.  

I hope your day gets better.  

OSUWifey09

**siggy**

 

I forgot to comment on that - that's so insensitive that someone was shocked you named your daughter. She's your DAUGHTER, and always will be. I was surprised when people asked if I held Devon after he was born, why I named him...he was still my baby, even if he wasn't with me anymore. I guess because a lot of people aren't exposed to such a loss until it happens to someone they know, they just don't know how to handle it. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, too.

angelsnight

mrsgerman:

shandorfml2:

Of course you named your daughter....wow I don't know how I would have handled that.

 I think this is one of the things I have been struggling with. People find out we lost our son and immediately think it was a miscarriage without even thinking how far along I was or when my due date was. It's like I catch them off guard when I refer to him as Joseph or as our son. Like they were expecting him to be some nameless shapeless blob that I never delivered or held and just disappeared out of our lives one day. I'm not trying to take away the fact that women who have miscarriages don't feel pain but I think its a different kind of pain and I don't like that some people don't understand why after almost a month I am still very much in pain. I think a lot of people just don't grasp it and think I should be "over" this by now. 

I'm sorry you're having a rough day, I hope it starts to get better for you. I wish none of us had to ever have a rough day again but I think they will hit us every once and awhile for the rest of our lives.  

This exactly....I don't think most people understand that I gave birth to my daughter and I held her and she looked exactly like a newborn except tiny. I don't think they understand that she is buried in the cemetery and has a name and we grieve her because she was a person.

I don't think most people think of babies in utero as actual babies until they are born...as if they only look like babies the minute they come out, and before then they were just unseen masses.  I wouldn't mind explaining it to people who genuinely don't know or want to be educated....my friend very delicately asked questions and I could tell she really cared and wanted to know what happened.  But this woman had so much judgement in her tone.  "You actually have that? (the gravestone....which is more proof I don't think she gets that she was a person that we buried, I think she thought we purchased the gravestone to have in our yard or something), you actually named her"?  Ugh...I was in such shock when she said it, but now I do wish I would have said something.

Thanks everyone, it's such a breath of fresh air to be able to vent to people who totally get where I am coming from.

shandorfml2

angelsnight:

mrsgerman:

shandorfml2:

Of course you named your daughter....wow I don't know how I would have handled that.

 I think this is one of the things I have been struggling with. People find out we lost our son and immediately think it was a miscarriage without even thinking how far along I was or when my due date was. It's like I catch them off guard when I refer to him as Joseph or as our son. Like they were expecting him to be some nameless shapeless blob that I never delivered or held and just disappeared out of our lives one day. I'm not trying to take away the fact that women who have miscarriages don't feel pain but I think its a different kind of pain and I don't like that some people don't understand why after almost a month I am still very much in pain. I think a lot of people just don't grasp it and think I should be "over" this by now. 

I'm sorry you're having a rough day, I hope it starts to get better for you. I wish none of us had to ever have a rough day again but I think they will hit us every once and awhile for the rest of our lives.  

This exactly....I don't think most people understand that I gave birth to my daughter and I held her and she looked exactly like a newborn except tiny. I don't think they understand that she is buried in the cemetery and has a name and we grieve her because she was a person.

I don't think most people think of babies in utero as actual babies until they are born...as if they only look like babies the minute they come out, and before then they were just unseen masses.  I wouldn't mind explaining it to people who genuinely don't know or want to be educated....my friend very delicately asked questions and I could tell she really cared and wanted to know what happened.  But this woman had so much judgement in her tone.  "You actually have that? (the gravestone....which is more proof I don't think she gets that she was a person that we buried, I think she thought we purchased the gravestone to have in our yard or something), you actually named her"?  Ugh...I was in such shock when she said it, but now I do wish I would have said something.

Thanks everyone, it's such a breath of fresh air to be able to vent to people who totally get where I am coming from.

So insane. I agree people just don't get it. I understand people who have miscarried grieve as well...but I do get a little ticked off when they say how sad they are, because I just want to shout "my baby was full term! she had a name, her nursery is empty!" and so on (not that pre-full term losses aren't as horrible...but past a certain time say 15/16 weeks, the baby looks like a baby. You most likely know the gender, picked a name, felt that baby move inside of you...much different than a 5-8 week miscarriage. Glad you ladies get it... 

I've had many people say they can't imagine, and how horrific. My idiotic boss when he heard my baby died wondered if I'd be back in a week....UM HELLO I just gave birth! Its like when they hear the baby dies, people think it magically disappears. No. We all had to go through labor and delivery, and hold our dead babies. Plus the added bonus of milk coming in. 

 

((((((hugs loss mamas)))))))

a&aw12707

Noethola:

Big hugs sweetie. Some days, things like this are much more grating to the nerves than other days. When this sort of thing happens, I have to focus on my good memories with my daughter. Otherwise, I would punch someone. I so often wanted to scream at the people that complained during their pregnancies about every little thing and just say you should be thankful they are NOT DEAD. But that was a bit dramatic and I just had to sit on my hands. People are insensitive. T & Ps for you today as you face all of this!

This exactly, especially the bolded. At almost a year out, I still have those moments. I will say that the moments aren't as frequent, but still occur. Huge huge hugs. 

Mjmksb04

I am so sorry. Some days are worse than others.

EcoStreet

With time things will get easier. I wish you piece! We have to make best of what we are given.