Interesting Article...

Virgo17

Someone posted this on the SAHM board and I thought it was an interesting read.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/grown-and-flown/why-i-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom_b_3402691.html

Discuss!

LoCarb

Most of the topics highlighted on the article have been previously discussed by the ladies of the board when a thread appears re: home or work?

However, I never really considered losing sight and self confidence as a factor. I believe the author, like most SAHM's, have expertise in other areas and tips others would love to have. She should focus on the positive. There are plenty of women who would like to switch places.

There are pros and cons to both sides of W or SAH. In addition to finances, the article has highlighted the reasons I choose to work. Being a mother is honorable and this role needs to be recognized and remembered nixing any mommy wars.

ETA: added a sentence

RoxyLynn

There are pro's and con's for every decision.  It's unfortunate for her that she didn't change direction when she became unhappy with her choice.

But frankly, I use my driver's license more than my degrees, too.  Who doesn't?

jf198400

I think this just shows that the grass is always greener on the other side. When she was a WM she wanted to SAH. After she got to SAH she wishes she had worked. I think we all just need to acknowledge that you can't have it all. You can't have the happy carefree years at home with your children and also have the successful career waiting for you to come back to. The author admits that working PT was not an option. So if you have to make a choice- if you are lucky enough to have a choice. I would still love to SAH. This author says her kids think she "did nothing" because she didn't have a job. But my mom went from FT working mom to PT to eventually SAH mom. I loved having my mom at home when I came home from school everyday. We have a very close relationship because of it. I hope to be home more with my kids, even if it means working PT, when they are older.

aglenn

Yeah, I read the article and basically thought there is no new information here....  I can relate to her feelings somewhat.  I know that since DS has arrived I often feel really stretched too thin and overwhelmed and like I am not doing my best at home or at work.  There are definitely times when I think maybe it would be best to reconsider working, but I am still here because the cost of giving up my career right now would just be too high, and the degree of chaos in my life right now is hopefully temporary (I am clinging to this hope, anyway, so those of you with older kids please don't tell me different right now!).  But I can definitely see how it can be easy to make that decision without really rationally considering all of the implications.

*sparky*

jf198400:

I think this just shows that the grass is always greener on the other side. When she was a WM she wanted to SAH. After she got to SAH she wishes she had worked. I think we all just need to acknowledge that you can't have it all. You can't have the happy carefree years at home with your children and also have the successful career waiting for you to come back to. The author admits that working PT was not an option. So if you have to make a choice- if you are lucky enough to have a choice. I would still love to SAH. This author says her kids think she "did nothing" because she didn't have a job. But my mom went from FT working mom to PT to eventually SAH mom. I loved having my mom at home when I came home from school everyday. We have a very close relationship because of it. I hope to be home more with my kids, even if it means working PT, when they are older.

I agree w/all of this.  I have done a little bit of everything since DS was born and there are pro's and con's to each choice.  But she was (and I am) fortunate enough to have a choice. 

There is just one thing I have to call out in the article - I find it difficult to believe that as someone who worked in finance she did not consider the financial impact of not working for the next 18+ years of her life.  I can't imagine it did not occur to her that the financial impact would be steep.  I also think it's sad if her kids really think she did nothing.

financialdiva

To me, she sounds like the type of person who would have written an article about how she regretted working and wished she would have stayed at home had she had chosen to work.

And why the heck does she think she disappointed the feminist movement?? The movement was to allow women to have a CHOICE to work if they want to. Not require them to work.

And I am off to go lurk on the SAHM board to see what they think.

AZ123

I think she's a prime example in how you need to standby your decision whether its to stay at home or to work. It doesn't get you anwhere pinning over missed chances or green acres. Be confident in the decision you make for your family. She sounds weak to me.

Nechie122

financialdiva:

And why the heck does she think she disappointed the feminist movement?? The movement was to allow women to have a CHOICE to work if they want to. Not require them to work.

Actually, that's called "choice feminism" and not everyone buys it.

There also wasn't just one feminist "movement;" there have been at least three "waves" of feminism, if you want to get technical about it. The whole reason women fought for the "choice," or opportunity, to work is because it's generally true that unless you are independently wealthy, you are more vulnerable if you rely on someone else to support you than if you support yourself.

Just because you "chose your choice" doesn't make you a feminist. It may be a deeply personal, and equally valid, choice, but you're not a "feminist" just because you're a woman who's choosing it.

emberlee3

I think a lot of women may think they can "afford" to stay home because they are looking at their monthly or yearly budget.  My sister and my SIL both went back to work and then quit within a few months to SAH.  I don't want to pry into their finances, but I do worry that the impact on their financial situation in 20 years will be devastating.  I just honestly can't imagine how they can save enough for retirement on one salary.

As far as everything else in the article, blah blah blah. 

I use my degree (MD) way more than my driver's license.

mae0111

emberlee3:

I think a lot of women may think they can "afford" to stay home because they are looking at their monthly or yearly budget.  My sister and my SIL both went back to work and then quit within a few months to SAH.  I don't want to pry into their finances, but I do worry that the impact on their financial situation in 20 years will be devastating.  I just honestly can't imagine how they can save enough for retirement on one salary.

I totally agree with this.  Most SAHMs I know really didn't think about the impact of their decision long-term.  For example, my sister works very part time (one day a month).  She works to keep her foot in the door, and to keep up her professional skills and licenses.  She's been doing this off and on for about 10 years.  I know that she's not saving anything for retirement, and they're not maxing out BIL's retirement.  

DH and I are thinking doing the reverse of what many folks do, and having me stay home when the kids are in school full time.  DH travels a lot for work, and my job is getting increasingly more demanding.  Right now, we have a nanny to help with the hectic schedules, but a full-time nanny won't really be an option when the kids are in school.  But we're not going to do it unless we've hit a few milestones.  We just bought our "forever" house, and the payment is only slightly higher than our previous home - milestone #1.  We'll need to have college fully funded before I leave the workforce, and my retirement has to hit a certain dollar amount before we'll consider it.  We'll also make sure that DH can continue to max out his retirement, and that we'll have enough left over to comfortably fund an IRA for me.

iverske9

For me I think many of her points are why I stay working. I have the utmost for respect for SAHM moms but I love my job as well. Its nice to hear another side.