SD2 HS graduation tomorrow night-some random thoughts

irishgirl0525

Just a couple of thoughts that have been on my mind in the last month since we have been doing senior year events for SD2...

Tomorrow night is her graduation, and she has worked extremely hard and challenged herself with difficult classes, I'm very proud of her and admire this at the same time. I would never have even thought to take a math and 2 sciences my senior year. In fact, I don't think I took either of those senior year!

DH's family will be there, his dad, sister and her husband and their daughter. The plan is for us to take them out to dinner afterwards to SD's favorite restaurant. 

In order to avoid any conflict, confusion and last minute drama this week (when SD1 graduated 2 years ago, 2 hours before the graduation, BM backed out of our invitation and made SD choose between her and DH to celebrate with afterwards, she chose DH, but it was stressful for SD on graduation day), DH had initially asked SD a few weeks ago if she would like us to invite her mom as well so we can all celebrate together, but it turns out that BM's brother will be in town and they have decided that they will do lunch with her earlier that day. 

BM would be welcome to come with us, though the girls are not at all comfortable with any interaction between their parents, even if it's pleasant, so it's just as well that she declined.  SD1 is invited to come with us to dinner but has declined, which is, of course, her choice. I'm sorry she has decided not to come because she won't have another opportunity to see her grandfather as he is only in town briefly, and it would be nice for her sister to have her there, but everyone will survive. 

We don't have to see BM very often, but we saw her a couple of times this month for the senior awards ceremony and the prom sendoff. I always get sad for DH when we go to these events because he has not been included in much of their school activities since they divorced, so he really doesn't know many of the kids or their parents.  Unless he remembers them from when he lived in their town years ago, he has no idea who these people are, and when we go to prom sendoffs at someone's house, they are always pleasant to us but  they know who we are either.  It doesn't seem to bother him so much, it's probably just me because I know how involved my parents were in our town and with my friends and school, and I have always pictured myself being involved the same way.  His girls have always been intensely private about school and their relationships there, which I don't think is normal, but they have always called the shots with their mom.  DH says that BM can be extremely embarrassing in public (so can all parents to teenagers), and she is very socially awkward.  I'm saying this to say I don't think it's just my husband that is excluded from involvement with friends, it's BM as well.  

We walked into the pre prom party all together 2 weeks ago, and as we were approaching the house,  anything that BM said, SD snapped back at her, "no, that's not whose house this is, no, I'm not sitting with them at the prom, etc." It was subtle, but I just picked up on a discomfort between from her, that anything her mom said, she didn't want her saying.   I have been told by SD1 that SD2 HATES their mother, but SD2 would never say that to us. I hope that's not the case, but there is definitely some tension there. 

I'm sorry this got so long, it's been on my mind for a couple of weeks and I haven't posted about it, I guess I was ready to today.  Thanks for reading it to the end!

 

Littlejen22

Honestly I don't hunk it is just in BFs because we went to my Kindergarteners class party today and my DH did not know anyone because he works and cannot be at all the events. As for the girls being overly private that is their parents fault for allowing it to get to that point and I have all intentions even when my kids are older to know their friends and were they are you g so that means knowing the friends parents too.

Good luck with graduation.

irishgirl0525

Littlejen22:

Honestly I don't hunk it is just in BFs because we went to my Kindergarteners class party today and my DH did not know anyone because he works and cannot be at all the events. As for the girls being overly private that is their parents fault for allowing it to get to that point and I have all intentions even when my kids are older to know their friends and were they are you g so that means knowing the friends parents too. Good luck with graduation.

Thanks Jen. I was wondering if this was a common BF issue, but I guess it doesn't have to be.  I just plan on being as involved as possible (without helicoptering) when our little one is in school.  And I agree about the privacy, It's DH and BM's fault for that.  I don't think that privacy is an entitlement, it's earned, and it's certainly the parent's right to know who their friends and friends' parents are.   Children should have some privacy of course, but not what this became.

 

 

irishgirl0525

Well just in case anyone is still reading this thread, graduation last night was very nice, the weather was lovely, and SD2 was really excited.  We had a lovely dinner with DH's family afterwards, and I think she really enjoyed it.  She's not very effusive, but I think she enjoyed the attention on her and she was proud of herself.