F/U to guardian issue post from the other day

*sparky*

Yes, I DD'd as I suggested I would - way too much personal information.  Just wanted to say thanks for all of the advice and support.  I have been talking regularly to DH and IL's about this.  This is a very difficult situation so I really appreciate the advice I received here as I am sworn to secrecy IRL.  I will be talking to our lawyer about modifying our wills once we agree on a suitable replacement.  We also need to agree on how to reword our estate planning, as she stands to inherit a decent amount from us if we pass and that may need to be changed as well.

I also urged DH that if she does not get help soon that we need to go and make sure she does it - as in, stage an intervention and check her in somewhere if needed.  I am not sure anyone else in his family has the guts to do it.

Also, as I think through the last couple of years, so many things make sense now that were puzzling before.  I wish I was not so dense about these things. 

Thanks again.  I sincerely appreciate it.

aglenn

Good for you.  I'm glad you are addressing the situation and getting your DH and IL's on board.  I agree about the intervention, and I would not wait long to see if she does it on her own because she likely will not.  If she does not have a specific plan as to when and where she is going, I would step in.  She will not see it that way at first, but it is the loving thing to do.

*sparky*

aglenn:

Good for you.  I'm glad you are addressing the situation and getting your DH and IL's on board.  I agree about the intervention, and I would not wait long to see if she does it on her own because she likely will not.  If she does not have a specific plan as to when and where she is going, I would step in.  She will not see it that way at first, but it is the loving thing to do.

I agree.  We are talking to IL's this weekend to see if anything has been done about this.  If not, we will move forward.

*sparky*

wife07mom09:

Our the funds in a revocable living Trust and set up a financial perks. To oversee who is not the guardian. That's how ours is set up

The trust for our child is not the same as the $ going to other relatives.  We have all of that sorted out.  I just need to make sure I don't give a big pile of money to someone who is currently unable to handle it.

Mustardseed2007

you're doing the right thing by preparing to address her problems with her.

I'm wondering (given the info in this f/u post) if your attorneys advice had more to do with the fact that it involves money as well as your child? I wouldn't be specific about money but it probably is a good idea to speak to  someone about stepping in to care for DC if anything happens to you.

Disclaimer: I am a lawyer but not that kind.

 EDIT: I see from your update there are two separate piles so you're doing the right thing by thinking about addressing both.

*sparky*

Mustardseed2007:

you're doing the right thing by preparing to address her problems with her.

I'm wondering (given the info in this f/u post) if your attorneys advice had more to do with the fact that it involves money as well as your child? I wouldn't be specific about money but it probably is a good idea to speak to  someone about stepping in to care for DC if anything happens to you.

Disclaimer: I am a lawyer but not that kind.

That is possible.  As I wrote the other day it has been several years so I really don't recall the details.  It is possible we misunderstood the attorney.  And also at the time the person we chose was a very good choice and we knew 100% that she would have accepted the responsibility based on conversations we had with her.  She just happens to have completely deteriorated since then.  We will definitely clarify this when we update everything and also talk to the person we name in her place.  I understand why this is important.  And yes there is a reasonable amount of money involved and that may have been why she wanted everything quiet.  I honestly don't remember.

RoxyLynn

Having been through a fair amount of this before (ultimately, she drank herself to death), you really need to move quickly.  Anyone you designate right this second is a better choice.  You can always change it later.

Unless your SIL is underage or an immediate danger to herself or others, you can not have her committed for treatment.  A court can commit her (after commission of a crime), or if she goes under conservatorship/guardianship of another adult, then that conservator/guardian most likely can commit her.  You can all do your best to lean on her and try to push her, but ultimately she can't be forced.

And as a little nugget of wisdom from hard experience, don't make any threats you're not absolutely, 1000% committed to following through.

*sparky*

RoxyLynn:

Having been through a fair amount of this before (ultimately, she drank herself to death), you really need to move quickly.  Anyone you designate right this second is a better choice.  You can always change it later.

Unless your SIL is underage or an immediate danger to herself or others, you can not have her committed for treatment.  A court can commit her (after commission of a crime), or if she goes under conservatorship/guardianship of another adult, then that conservator/guardian most likely can commit her.  You can all do your best to lean on her and try to push her, but ultimately she can't be forced.

And as a little nugget of wisdom from hard experience, don't make any threats you're not absolutely, 1000% committed to following through.

I appreciate this advice and thank you for it.  I know we can't throw her in a car and commit her without her consent, although I am sure it sounded that way in my OP.  Our intent is more to fly back to DH's hometown, and have the whole family talk to her to encourage her to check herself in immediately.  IL's have already been looking into places, whether insurance will cover, etc., but have been waiting for her to say "ok let's go".  Her DH is letting her do this on her own terms as well and does not seem to be pushing her to go immediately.