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Natural Birth
vcabbyw
member
BTDT Postpartum Planning Tips
vcabbyw
member
My child birth prep instructor, at the breastfeeding class and at my postpartum survival strategies class it was stressed putting together a plan for the postpartum period. IE: how to handle visitors after birth/at home, meal planning, how to get help, off limit rooms, etc. Obviously, I cant plan everything but I want my husband to know some of my expectations so that in hopes it decreases the tension from us being sleep deprived. And maybe reduce stress overall.
I would love some feedback form Moms who have done it before! Maybe some of the things you wished you did differently, or something that worked well. Thanks.
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Re: BTDT Postpartum Planning Tips
My MIL and her good friend came to visit us at home the day we were discharged from the hospital. And while they were here, good friends of ours stopped by as well.
They all brought food, which was awesome. But I hadn't anticipated the drastic hormonal change (aka the baby blues) I would experience and it hit me full on that day. I bawled like a baby in front of everyone....for absolutely no reason at all. There was just an overflow of hormones and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It was embarrassing.
So, looking back, I would say no visitors that first day home. I just needed a little time to sleep and work on breast feeding without feeling like I or the baby needed to entertain guests.
Also...prep yourself and your DH for the baby blues. I had nothing even close to PD, but for a short while after giving birth, I would cry for no reason. It is weird, but totally normal. I think I made my DH a little nervous....but if he would have know that it is a common and normal part of the postpartum period, I would have felt better about it and wouldn't have tried to hide it at times.
I am not a BTDT, but my doula recommended the book The Mommy Plan by Valerie Lynn. So far I have found it very helpful in planning for my recovery period after having the baby. I strongly suggest looking into it!
L: 7/12/13
C: 5/11/15
E: 3/7/17
Due 11/10/18
I just didn't entertain guests. I have no problem ignoring people and doing what I need to do - the useful people make themselves useful and the others go away. My mom will come as soon as she can (she lives 3 hours away) and the inlaws will be taking DS, so they'll be around too. I never care if my house is a mess, so no need for "off limit rooms" or anything. I did some freezer meals last time and will try to do a few up in July this time. For help, I have a doula and she'll give me some post-partum visits as part of my package. I know where to get breastfeeding help. Home care checks on me and baby 2 or 3 times our first week home (which was awesome and I love the program).
Just prioritize. Take care of the baby. Take care of you. Delegate the rest.
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If I could do it all over again (and hopefully I will!) I would stay in bed as much as possible the first two weeks and really limit visitors. I tried to get up and do too much too fast. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do everything--have a baby, cook for us, clean up, do our laundry, etc. I couldn't and I could have saved myself a lot of stress if I had better expectations for myself.
I cooked a lot of meals and froze them several weeks prior to the birth. I think it would have helped me if I would have chosen meals that we had tested beforehand and knew we liked and went straight from the freezer to the oven or crock pot with no prep work. It helped to have a lot of easy snacks as well-- nuts, dried fruit, granola bars, etc. I also made up a shopping list before hand of things I knew we would need in the couple of weeks after the birth so that someone could go shopping for us or my husband could run to the grocery store without me having to worry about a list.
Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it and don't be afraid to accept help when people offer it. I always felt bad napping when family came over. Take advantage of someone who wants to hold the baby and let you nap. They WANT to do it.
Don't be afraid to tell people no. I felt a lot of pressure to have family members visit us. They were all very low-key and didn't stay long but it took time away from focusing on breastfeeding, bonding with the baby, and sleeping (all things I struggled with). If I could do it over again I would be more selective of who came over and when. I would also be upfront about my expectations, i.e. "We would love to have you over but just to let you know we are trying to limit visitors to a half hour so we get lots of bonding time with the baby". Then they aren't surprised when we kick them out.
It helped me to make a breastfeeding basket up beforehand so I didn't have to scour the house for stuff when we first got home. I packed some breast pads, lanolin, a burp cloth, a snack, and a water bottle.
That's all I can think of right now.
Somewhere, I think in the back of "The Womanly Art of BF'ing" book, I found a sort of "cheat sheet" to put up. It was a short paragraph about how a new mom might be exhausted and that her real priority now is BF'ing. Then it had list of things you might need help with. (So things like grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. and a place to sign-up to help.) It was a sort of a non-subtle way to let well-meaning guests know that while I was glad for their company I didn't really need help holding baby. I needed help with the other stuff. I usually have a hard time asking for help, so this was a perfect way to do it without feeling awkward. I made sure to send a thank-you note or some homemade cookies to each of my helpers once baby got bigger and I had the time.
Here it is: https://www.llli.org/docs/0000000000000001WAB/laleche_ch_20_tear-sheet_toolkit.pdf
It's the "We'd love your help!" sign. The rest is also just good stuff to have on hand.
Take whatever offers of help come your way, and if people do utter the words "what can I do to help?", LET THEM. Even if it's just saying "pick up some coffee and muffins on your way over". Or "we're out of milk".
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Visitors: We told everyone prior that we would let them know when they could come visit, and it all depended on how I was feeling. To friends, we specifically said that might mean that they may not meet baby until a few days after they were born. Everyone was cool with that.
I ended up feeling great and welcomed lots of visitors even in the hospital. But, I also had a very easy recovery, and BF'ing was easy for me. We never had any off limit rooms. People brought meals, but unfortunately no one ever offered to help out with anything around the house. They came to see the baby and most didn't stay very long anyways. I don't recommend any over night guests!
I did make sure DH knew that I was going to sit and do nothing but BF and cuddle LO with for several days or weeks. We sat down and talked about what I expected him to do for example laundry, cooking, cleaning and also what he needed to look out for, in terms of PPD.
If you have time time to prepare meals in advance that's great. If not I recommend going to the store and buying a few pre-made things. As you get closer to your due date, keep lots of fruit, crackers, cheese and yogurts on hand. These are great to snack on while in early labor and also when you need something quick to eat. BF'ing makes you crazy hungry.
We froze as much food as we could fit in our freezer for both kids. And when I got to about 37-38 weeks, I started making sure we had enough household supplies (stuff like TP, cleaning stuff) to last us a few months, so we didn't have to worry about running out. If you budget, make sure you make some wiggle room for take out, too.
Make sure you know who is visiting, and let your most helpful relatives come and help! It is a huge burden off of you if you have someone who can cook and clean while you and DH deal with the baby. My MIL is very very helpful, and it was great having her around. But! I am very much in the camp of not having to have some special alone time with a newborn or anything.
With visitors, just be firm about how long they can stay, if you need them to bring something, etc. And also try to have your DH deal with them so you can rest.
The only other big thing is that you should only have to worry about feeding the baby and taking care of yourself - hopefully you're in a position that DH or someone else can deal with the day-to-day things for at least a few weeks after your LO is born. If you're nursing, look up a private LC before the birth so you have someone to call if you need it.
Good luck! HTH
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
I got the same warning from our instructors as well and I think it was a little bit of overkill, but maybe it just depends on your family. If you have in-town family, then maybe just let them know you'll call when you're ready for visitors. If your family will be visiting from out of town, I felt up for visits/help around 2-3 weeks postpartum but had family rent out a unit from AirBnB rather than stay with us. It's a very personal thing - you don't know how you're feel when you're recovering, your family may be demanding/helpful, etc. It just varies.
For friends, I was so touched that a couple came to see us in the hospital. It was only 30 minutes or so, but it meant so much to me. Another couple we're super close to wanted to visit as soon as we got home, but by then I was crying several times a day so I didn't want to see anyone. They understood and visited two weeks later. I think playing it by ear for in town friends is good and planning for out of town visits after the first month is pretty safe.