Dealing with baby fever

JenF12

So I have baby fever pretty bad. It comes and it goes and right now is one of those times for me. Just so you don?t have to read my entire tirade I?ll ask my question first. How do you deal with baby fever when it is not a good time to have a baby?

 

 

So DH and I are both 23, have been married for about a year and a half and together for 5 years. He works full time and I am a housewife. We have a nice little townhouse which we rent in expensive So Cal so before we even start planning on kids we both want to move somewhere where the cost of living isn?t so darn much. Preferable someplace where we can have lots of land and actually afford to buy a house. That is thing to do #1 before kids. Thing to do #2 is to travel, take a few years see the world but then again we could always do that after kids. I mean my grandparents have been doing that since they retired so travelling could wait. Thing to do #3 DH wants a better job. He gets half hourly and the other half commission and since he is a good salesman most of the time it?s really good but other times (like right now) we can barely pay the bills. So he wants something much more stable. Thing to do #4 have a sizable nest egg.  Right now our coffers are pretty empty and I want something in them so that if we have hard times we won?t have to worry about feeding our kids.  

 

Aside from that there are few other reasons for not having kids now. Both DH and I would love to have a baby and every so often particularly after spending time with a friends little one we both will start in on a conversation about how we can?t wait to be parents and what we should name our kids and so on. On the other hand a friend of ours lived with us in our spare room for a few months with her little 1 year old so we know the demands and how things change when you have a little one. That five minute trip to the corner store turns in to a 45 minute affair with a little one tagging along.  (been there not fun) Some days I ask myself am I ready to give up what I have right now? Can I be responsible for another human being? Some days the answer is an overwhelming yes and other days when the logical side of my mind is working it meekly says no I am not.

 

On top of my DH and I wanting kids I?ve had my MIL hounding me about when I would give her a grandbaby since before I was even 18. She even went so far one time and said for me to just get pregnant have the baby and she would raise it until I was ready to be a mom when I told her I wasn?t ready yet.  My FIL and his wife are not so bad but occasionally they ask about when we are planning on kids. My BIL has just jumped on that band wagon along with the rest of DH?s very large family. (think over 50 members all living in about 25 mile radius of each other) And I have to go to a family event at the end of the month and I know the biggest questions I am going to get will be either so pregnant yet? Or when are you finally going to have a baby?

 

So here I am with the logical side of my mind reminding me why having a baby right now would not be a good idea while the other side which longs for a baby says all it will take is one trip to the doctor. One trip and the nexplanon will be gone and then there is a chance.  Uggg What do you do to deal with baby fever?

JocelynB0911

Find a hobby. I am not trying to be snarky but I believe you said you were a housewife? Find something to take your mind off of things. Or why not try to find a job since you want to be better prepared for when the time comes, to get a new home, or to travel a little before baby comes. IMO, it would make more sense to work now, save up and be stable and once you had your LO (and money for those "oh shiit" moments) you could be a SAHM. Its not a good idea to bring a planned child into this world if you have months where you are scraping by and dont have money to fall back on to cover things.

kcisthebombdotcom

If money is tight, why are you a housewife??? I would get a job. It will help keep your mind off babies at last for part of the day. Honestly you're in a horrible position to bring a child into the world and your reasons for waiting are very valid.   

If your family bugs you about having a kid, you want them to stop and you're ok with over sharing, tell them money is tight right now and you want to do right for your future child/children by waiting until you can actually afford it.  

apegg23

If it's something you both really want then sit down with your husband and talk about what both of you need to do to start your family.

 

If money is tight, then get a job (even if it's temporary) & save your money.

 

Yes, you will have to give up a lot of things when becoming a parent. But to me, it's so worth it. 

Twinkie0612

MelRC117:

If money is tight, why are you a stay at home housewife? If you got a job it would take your mind off things and help you reach part of your goals. You can't travel without money, you can't buy a house without money, and you can't have a nest egg without money.

 It would be stupid to bring a child into the world because of outside pressure. Are they going to pay for the baby's needs? Are they going to pay for the diapers, crib, clothing, wipes, co pays on doctor's visits? It's not any of their business.

Work towards those goals that you guys have. You are 23 for goodness sakes. 

All of this.

If money was so tight that we had a hard time paying our bills each month, then I sure as hell wouldn't be a housewife.  I would be looking for a job to help pay the bills.  Although I will probably never be a housewife/SAHM because it is not my personality and I am the breadwinner in our household.

CMBatiz13

I agree with everyone above. I mean this in the nicest way possible - find hobbies and a job! It will keep you busy and help you save money for when you are actually ready for a baby. Plus, you are very young so you have plenty of time. Having a baby is a HUGE decision so make sure you are both really ready.

JemmaWRX

I've had baby fever for about 2 years now and it was never the right time.  They way I dealt with it is by telling myself that I'd be doing my child a disservice by bringing him or her into our lives when we are not ready.  Part of having children is making sacrifices for them.  And holding off on TTC despite how much you want a baby is one of those sacrifices.  It's having the mentality of a parent - putting your child's needs before your own - before you're actually a parent.

Don't listen to anyone putting pressure on you.  Not only is it your body, it's your life and it will not be the same after you have kids.  Next time someone broaches the subject tell them "When there is news we will let you know" and change the subject.  As long as you entertain these conversations, you will invite these people to continue to meddle in your personal business. 

ETA - I second PPs.  Get a job.

JenF12

I've been looking for a new job since I got laid off last October. I suppose I should say for lack of a better title I am unemployed and therefor a house wife. I've secured a handful of interviews most of them ended up as scams you are hired go door to door and sell Kirby vacuum or sell these knifes from a mail order catalog to your friends and family. Right now I have just been babysitting. 

CowgirlK39

You are also very young with lots of time. Tell people they will get their grand baby when you can afford to keep that baby from starving to death. Or tell them to buy you your dream home first. That should shut them up.