Stepping Down - Any advice?

SavedByLove

Hi Working Moms.  I'm a used to be mainly lurker who has no time to do anything fun anymore and hasn't been on this board in ages (we don't have outside internet access at my work).  I'm coming to grovel for advice.  I hope you don't mind.

Long story short: I have a 2 year old son and have a degree in electrical engineering.  Upon returning to work 21 months ago after maternity leave, I came back as an engineering manager (got promoted on maternity leave).  Needless to say it was stressful.  And it really hasn't calmed down in the 21 months since I returned.  12 months into the manager gig I switched sections.  This switch was supposed to be a good thing as it reduced the chance of my having to work spontaneous after hours work.  However, I'm at a point in this job (been there since October) where I SHOULD be working way more overtime and I'm just not willing to do it.  I don't want to quit and stay home.  I don't even think I want to go part time.  But I just don't want to deal with the BS of being a manager and all of the hours I feel I really need to put in to do a good job,  Honestly, I just want to go back to being an individual contributor responsible for my own work.  Of course my pride is getting in the way.

So since I obviously can't have any of you "tell" me what to do, I was wondering if any of you have been in this situation or know someone who has?  I'd value any viewpoints at this point in time.  I'm just so depressed where I'm at yet so damn scared to make such a drastic change.  Especially considering the last drastic change (taking this mgmt job) has turned out NOT the way it was supposed to.   

cja06

I'm sorry that you are going through such a stressful situation. My story is probably not the norm, but it is a positive one, so I thought I would share. The first thing I will say is that the response you are likely to get is based on how much your work is valued (and the corporate culture too). If they see you as an asset they want to keep on regardless of the cost, you are more likely to have a positive outcome.

When I got pg with my second child, I knew that I could not retain the job I was in. It was long hours, high stress, a management position and my commute was awful. I came into the conversation fully prepared to take a major step down or even quit if there was no other option. I was honest with my boss and said that I was considering putting my name in for a lower level position that would put me closer to home and not managing people. She asked a lot of thoughtful questions about what I liked and didn't like about my situation and what I would need to make things work. She came back at me a few days later with a proposal. A newly created position tailor made for me that would allow me to work primarily from home and not manage anyone. I would focus on the tasks that brought the most return to the company. It was a pay cut of course, but was worth it. It was a dream come true.

Since then, I actually moved across the country for my husband's job and they found a way to not only retain me, but promote me.

You'd be surprised what people are willing to do to retain top talent.

Good luck!

Amandam777

I was in a similar spot. I was working as a manager a several months before I found out I was expecting. It was stressful, but I figured it was a learning curve. The hours were insane! After I came back from maternity leave, I decided that there was no way I would continue and asked to move back to an individual contributor spot was open. I didn't want to miss out on the early years with DD. Yeah, it was a bit of a blow to the ego, but I'd do it again. My manager agreed and I even kept the same pay without the annual bonus. Unfortunately, the manager work never went away and I couldn't stand it anymore. I ended up leaving a month ago for a new job and love it so far. Good luck to you!

Stella2008

Although not in the exact same situation, I have actively made the decision to slow my career down a bit for the sake of work life balance and family life, and don't have any regrets about it. I know, this is exactly against the advice of many books and "working women stuff" these days, but it works for us. I am in the awesome position of having been pegged to be fast tracked to an executive role at my company, not just because of my work and merits but because of succession planning.

 However, when my daughter was born 4 years ago, I had very honest conversations with not only my boss but our SVP that until my children (and I let them know we were planning for more than one) were close to school age, I did not feel that I would be in the best position to move into that VP spot. Maybe it is because I work in a group with mostly women/moms, but they were very receptive, told me they valued my work/committment/honestly, and that they would work as best as they could with my time table. Fast forward to now--I am even more committed to the group than ever, they seem very happy with me and what I add, and I am pregnant with #3.

We are now starting to talk about the transition of responsibilities to me, with my boss moving down to part time when I get back from leave next spring and then me working to hire my replacement.

So--my advice is, follow your heart but use logic,  be confident in your decision, and be as honest as you feel you can be with your leadership.

SavedByLove

Thank you all.  I really appreciate your insight and advice.  Today I made the difficult decision and already feel as though a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders.  Ironically the person they are thinking of replacing me with is pregnant with her 3rd!!  For a split second I thought, masen, how much of a failure am I if I couldn't do this with one and she's gonna do it with 3?!?!

But then I quickly reality checked myself.  We are all different and handle stress differently.  Additionally, I didn't fail at anything.  I made a conscious decision for my own life.

The next few months won't be easy, per se.  I have to deal with a transition plan, swallowing my pride by telling my employees and then the overall transition to a new job.  But I honestly feel I made the right decision and that's worth a million bucks right there.

Thank you three again, so very much.