**candace**

Petunia844

I responded to your post about your friend but I know it's old so I just wanted to make sure you saw it.  Most importantly that you know you can email me any time if I can help in any way. 

candaceleigh21

I am so so glad that you wrote in on this!! She said that she is not even looking at anything technological right now so an email probably wouldnt help but thank you so much for offering. You are a helluva woman. I actually thought about you while we were there, it was incredible to see all the pictures they took with him and posed pictures. It just seemed like all of that would be adding salt to an already very open wound. She also had a ton of baby stuff with his name and DOB on it. I cannot imagine keeping those things around the house and seeing them everyday. You ladies are far stronger than I could EVER be.

Petunia844

I'd be happy to talk to her on the phone, if she wanted....if she does I will gladly give you my number.  Yes, we had a whole nursery set up too...it honestly is like living a nightmare and it will stay that way for a long time.  We aren't stronger, we just didnt have a choice.  I felt like giving up on my life wasn't fair to my son, he was born to make a difference, not to ruin my life.  Again, if you ever have questions for how to help or anything at all I'm an open book and you have my email.

Petunia844

Also, to explain keeping things around and taking pictures....it's not a reminder because not a day goes by I don't think of him, not even now.  You can't be reminded of something that you always think of.  When you're living a nightmare like that you want tangible "proof" that your baby is real, that you had that child, if that makes sense.  We have photos of Peyton but none of him with us and its maybe my biggest regret.  I couldn't imagine taking photos as though we were a happy family, I couldn't look at a camera, and now I have no photos of me with my first child.  I don't blame myself, I did the best I could....but I'm so glad your friend has them, she will treasure them forever.